Some More Goofy Stuff From My Buddy Gord

My old pal Gord Robson keeps sending me this stuff and some of it makes me grin.
You?

The Boss had to fire Somebody Always tough to fire someone. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the water cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit this morning

I just got this from my buddy T Roberts. Great guy, twisted sense of humour.

Back in the war of 1812 as the British ships patrolled the seas, the lookout was up on the crows nest searching for enemy ships. One morning the lookout called from the his position …. “ENEMY SHIP DEAD AHEAD! The new captain called to his assistant … fetch me my red tunic!!! After the British Captain had soundly defeated the enemy, his assistant asked why he had asked him to get the red tunic …. The captain replied, “in the heat of battle, should I ever get wounded and begin to bleed, the crew will never see the blood, as it will just blend in with the colour of the tunic. That way, the crews confidence in me shall never waiver”!!! Sheer brilliance!!!!!... responds the assistant. Several days later the lookout calls out from the crows nest …. 20 ENEMY SHIPS ON THE HORIZON!!! Once again the captain summons the assistant….. the assistant comes out running to meet the captain. The captain bellows out ….. FETCH ME MY BROWN PANTS!!!!