Watching the Masters with Me!

This Masters is a bit different for me as I'm actually watching a few rounds with others.
I've already mentioned that it's always been a solitary affair with the exception of watching the odd round with my Dad.
This year I went on the road to watch round 2 with my pal Lumby and today my buddy Damian is coming over for round 3.
I'm not ready to watch the final round with anyone yet. Maybe after some therapy.
Before I went over yesterday I prepared some guidelines for proper Masters-watching behavior.
I thought you might find them amusing.

Rules for watching the Masters with Howard.

1)Don’t ask stupid questions. Pointing at David Howell and saying “Who’s that guy?” is a stupid question. Also why is Phil’s caddy nicknamed “Bones?” qualifies.
2)Say very little. Nodding, grunting or exclaiming “unbelievable” is acceptable.
3)If you have something to say that requires more than a word or two, pause the PVR, say it and then go back to not saying anything.
4)Do not cheer against Tiger. If you have something negative to say about Tiger, write it down and send it to me later. I’ll receive and delete it on my own time.
5)Do criticize Phil Mickelson at your leisure. If the criticism will take more than a word or two see Rule 3. “Nice shot, fat-boy” and “Good putt Mickel-boobs” are fine retorts and can be sprinkled in through out the Masters-watching.
6)Don’t ask me what I’d think you’d shoot at Augusta. The answer is 140.
7)While watching the Masters don’t ask me about anything that’s not golf or Masters-related. Everything’s fine and I’m not really listening.
8)Don’t mock my Tiger Woods bobble-head. It’s my lucky Tiger-charm and you’ll hurt his feelings.
9)Yes, Mike Weir has a chance; no it’s not a very good one.

Finally,
10)When in doubt say nothing. Watch the TV, enjoy your snacks, keep your hands off the bobble-head and we’ll all get along