We took the girls to an end of school year dinner last night at Outback Steakhouse.
Nice joint. Only my second time and it wasn't bad.
Of course we had to have the Bloomin Onion.
Tasty battered-dipped onion and a zesty sauce.
Well of course Fat Daddy had to eat a ton of it and I spent the rest of the night farting like a mad man.
I kept saying, "The Bloomin Onion's given me Bloomin Gas!" and then laughing like an idiot.
The Women I live with didn't think it was anywhere near as funny as I did.
Anyway I now am Daddy to a girl in Grade 4 and a girl in Grade 8.
As I said yesterday, how this happened, I'll never know.
Yesterday The Grade 8 had about 10+ people over here for a swim.
Some of those people were boy-people and I could see the look in my daughters eyes whenever I'd come outside.
"Please Daddy, don't be an Ass! Please?" Her eyes said.
For the most part I complied.
On her next birthday she'll be 13 and then my Daddy Nightmare will really kick in.
For you new Fathers of Daughters, I recommend you practice saying No and start drinking more.
Posted by Humble on June 29, 2007 @ 10:22|Permalink
One year ago today....
Wow, time flies when you're not working.
One year ago today I did my last show on the Radio.
I said goodbye on the air with some smart ass comment like "I'll be going on holidays for a couple of weeks and I'll see you around the middle of July...I hope!"
You see here's the thing.
I knew I was being fired. I had a feeling for some time that things weren't right and I had been joking with Bingo Bob that this was probably our last show.
I hoped I was wrong.
I wasn't.
One year ago today I left the Radio station and me and the girls went on our best family vacation ever.
When I returned I was fired and I've been fired ever since.
One year ago already.
Time flies when your not introducing Maroon 5.
One year ago today I went from being a guy on the Radio to being a Radio guy without a gig.
Honestly, in some ways the best year of my life.
I'm fascinated to see what the next 12 months will bring.
Hey you. Yeah you reading this. Thanks. I appreciate your interest. I do.
This week more of you read this blog than at any other time since I started last September.
Wednesday had the most visitors ever.
So thanks.
I also had some interesting feedback from a couple of gals on the Paris Hilton entry
from Soccer Mom and Sue.
Soccer Mom said...
This whole thing is totally out of control. It originally started with her drinking and driving and then ignoring her inexcusable behavior because she believed she was too good to abied by the law. She and he sympathetic supporters need to go sit in front of families who had lost a loved one to a drunk driver to get the reality and understand the severity of what she has done. I say shame on the media for sweeping under the rug the reason she was deservedly there in the first place. This whole thing is very warped/twisted and sad.
Sue said...
I totally agree with Soccer Mom-Larry has never held a lot of credibility with me, but to boot Michael Moore(who was supposed to be on his show rather than this twit) off the show is pretty ridiculous. I am really saddened by the fact that there is so much interest in this spoiled rotten and brainless person. Is this what we've come to as a society? Who might she be a role model for? I wish she would just go away, but unfortunately there's too much interest in her antics and she knows it and will continue to use the media to gain attention. I think the other pathetic part of this story is all of her supporters who were there when she was released-get a life!
Thanks chicks. I appreciate all your comments and thanks again to all who come for the daily drivel that spills from this keyboard.
Have a great long weekend.
h
I like everything Aaron Sorkin does. Starting with a little-known show called Sports Night to a big-time movie like A Few Good Men, this Sorkin dude can write.
Of course he's the creator of one my favorite TV shows, The West Wing.
Last night was the last episode of something called Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, a kind of backstage look at an SNL style show.
Great dialogue, lots' of sassy chit chat and sucky ratings.
Too bad cause it was some good TV and one of the few destination shows for me. ( I also like Entourage, 30 Rock, and Giada' Weekend Getaway-she's juicy-licious.)
I remember when I first saw Sports Night and was blown away by how many words he'd cram into a 30 minute episode. Maybe a little too smart for the fly-over states but I dug it.
It didn't last and neither did Studio 60.
If you'd like a little more perspective on the man and his shows check out this article from the TV Squad. I did.
Andy Barrie announced he had early-stage Parkinson's to his staff and CBC peeps this week.
The story was on the cover of The Star today and I felt bad for him.
Until I read the reprint of an e-mail he sent out.
He doesn't want to be pitied and he is going to face this with the same class and intelligence he has done everything else.
You see I like Andy Barrie.
I always thought he was the gold standard in the city and the numbers bear that out.
He is the #1 Morning guy in town and that's something that drives the private broadcast types insane.
He deserves it.
When I was at CKFM/The Mix the first time back in 91-92 he was doing mid mornings and I thought he was great.
I talked to him quite often and always found him to be a great guy and a smart cookie.
He says he is disabled but not unable and I hope is able enough to continue being more than capable for as long as he likes.
Today is Charlie's last day of school. Next year she'll be in Grade 8.
Grade 8?
How the hell did that happen!
If she's in Grade 8 then I must be nearly 60.
She's got her whole life ahead of her and I've got liver spots, enlarged prostrate and dementia.
I see Bobby Vinton is coming to the Fallsview Casino. Super.
That would definitely be a social demarcation line for me.
You know those things that pop up that basically let you know immediately if your going to like someone or not.
At a function if someone says, "Hey we just got tickets for Bobby Vinton at the Fallsview!"
Wouldn't that would pretty much be it?
Wouldn't you be all, "Really well I've got to go uh, uh I've got to go talk to the guy that's dressed like Scotty from StarTrek."
Entertainment bits that sound dirty but ain't.
Harry Potter, the new Cirque du Soleil show "Kooza!" (If you don't know why Kooza sounds dirty go ask any guy.) and of course the all time champion Herbie Hancock.
How much grief did Herbie get from his buds when he was 10-15.
"Hey Herbie, what's in your hand? Cock!"
Posted by Humble on June 28, 2007 @ 09:37|Permalink
Some Sports Stuff.
Hockey.
Leafs announce they are looking for an executive to mentor current GM John Ferguson. Really.
Well isn't that just the vote of confidence that all of us are looking for.
They stated his lack of experience and age as the reason the Board and management made the decision. They also added, unnecessarily, that they won't be talking about extending his contract any time soon.
Wrestling
That Chris Benoit murder-suicide is just a sad, weird story. He kills his wife and 7 year old and then hangs himself.
Yesterday they revealed that he may have killed his little boy by using a "choke-hold" as opposed to strangling him in a conventional way.
I thought that maybe we could have all done without that bit of information. I don't need to know in what manner he murdered a 7 year old, I really don't.
Basketball
NBA draft is today. I'm guessing it won't get the same TV numbers as the Hockey draft last week but here's a cool stat.
The minimum value of a guaranteed contract for the 30th pick (last in the first round) $1,599,800.
The minimum value of a guaranteed contract for the 31st pick.(first in the 2nd round) $0
$0!
Boy would that suck large to the tune of 1.5 mil. Oops.
Golf
Tiger's going back to work. Two weeks after his Hot Swedish Wife popped out the Tiger-Baby, Daddy returns to the PGA tour at the AT&T July 5-8. This is an event that he is hosting so I guess he can't miss it. He's only the 3rd player alongside Jack and Arnie that have ever hosted a PGA tour stop.
Good company to be in cause in their day those other 2 guys didn't suck.
As for post-baby Tiger?
Little Trivia, Jack Nicklaus only won 18 Majors after he had his first kid.
Posted by Humble on June 28, 2007 @ 09:13|Permalink
Dumbest Person on the Planet Speaks to Larry King.
Larry King has got to be kidding.
Seriously.
This is what it's come to. He's now interviewing Paris Hilton about her "Jail Time." All 23 or so days of it.
She talks like she did hard time at Sing Sing.
I missed this last night but it reaches an all time low for Stupid TV.
Check it.
Pay special attention to the note Paris reads at the end.
(Okay, she's still juicy but so is a good steak. A steak might have the edge in brains.)
Hello.
I had some "What the hell's wrong with the computer" problems last night and this morning.
I don't know, some server issue or whatever.
Randee fixed it though.
Fluke I say.
Anyway, I have to go out of town today so there will be no new drivel.
New drivel will begin pumping again first thing Thursday morning.
In the meantime I suggest you back and read some of your favorite HHDotCom drivel from days gone by.
h
Posted by Humble on June 27, 2007 @ 07:44|Permalink
LKTYP Golf Tourny, old pals and Tucker Pee.
Dateline: Oakville, Ontario.
The LKTYP Golf Tourny a smashing success says committee Chairman Howard Glassman.
"The weather, the course, the food, the fun all contributed to a great day of fund raising and
friend raising," said Glassman.
That's just the type of crap Glassman is known to say.
Howard went on to say that besides a lot of money raised it was great to see friends new and old enjoying themselves in such a great setting.
Yes it was hotter than ass out on the course but the round went quickly due to a great Glenn Abbey crew and of course massive cheating.
Dateline: My Bedroom, this Morning.
Tucker Glassman whizzes on owners shorts.
Tucker Glassman, a well-known slipper humping maniac, wasn't let out this morning by any of his owners. This resulted in a boat-load of Tucker whiz deposited on Howard Glassman's shorts.
Glassman said, "Tucker, bad boy, don't whiz on my shorts!'
Tucker was reluctant to comment as he was busy working on his thesis, "Sphincter licking vs Dinky licking."
Mrs. Glassman confirmed the shorts did indeed contain Tucker-Whiz and then went back to sleep. Of course considering what else Tucker does for a living (Slipper-Humping) it could have been a lot worse.
Yes its time for another round of Things I don't care about it.
A chance to write sarcastic and snarky comments about things I barely know anything about.
Fun.
I don't care about most golf tournament that don't include Tiger. Sorry. I don't see you Leaf fans watching a lot of Tampa Bay games. Same dif.
I don't care about Fibre supplements. I like getting my Fibre the old fashioned way, salty meat, pretzels and beer. ( HHdotCom assumes no responsibility for anyone who actually goes on a salty meat, pretzels and beer diet thinking that they actually contain any fibre.)
I don't care about Men wearing Long Shorts. Or Culottes. I think they look like sissy-boys but I'm not so much with the caring. I say if you think you look good in them then fine, no matter how much we're all giggling at you behind your back.
I don't care about Summer TV or Rosie O'Donnell turning down the Price is Right or who might be Bob Barkers replacement. It's too hot and I'm too busy drinking beer and eating pork rinds. (Kosher of course.)
Finally. I don't care about the Humidex, cottage country traffic, income funds or income trusts,
square-headed drivers that look like eggo-waffles or Telus buying BCE or is it the other way round.
I really don't care about Paris Hilton talking to Larry King on CNN.
Paris Hilton doing Larry King on CNN I might care about.
Like you, I want the Rim dude who's name I find unpronounceable when I read it, to buy Nashville and move it to Hamilton.
Jim Balsillie (???) should just buy the crappy franchise and move it a place where the population would embrace it and joy and happiness would be spread.
Simple right?
Apparently not and it has everything to do with the Dastardly Midget Gary Bettman and of course the Evil Empire of MLSE.
I read Dave Perkins in the Star today and he made some sense of the whole mess for me.
I like Dave.
He's one of the few local guys that writes about Golf without making me want to spit.
Today he put the whole MLSE possible-objections into perspective and again no spitting.
The benefits to the NHL of a moribund franchise being sold for $238 million are obvious enough to suggest a deal eventually happens. The price clearly raises the value of the other 29 franchises and don't think Balsillie hadn't counted on that carrot when he made his offer. Plus, if Gary Bettman's NHL truly is thinking of expanding to two more U.S. cities that don't (and won't) care about hockey, the Predators' price will swell the next expansion fees.
Posted by Humble on June 26, 2007 @ 09:21|Permalink
Tiger Woods hot wifes pops out a Tiger-Baby.
The Tiger Baby is here.
Lil Sam's first shots are out and she and her hot mama are back at home with the proud papa.
Tiger's always been close to his family and I'm sure like most of us this will rank as his greatest achievement by far.
Well this and that chip on 16 at the Masters. And the 6 iron at Glenn Abbey.
You can see more Tiger Baby and hot wife shots here.
I was lucky enough to hang with some cool peeps downtown Saturday night as my boy Steven Feruglio (Stinky) invited me to his company's 13 anniversary party.
All the neat people were there:
A) Because neat people like X-Design.
B) The party had nice snacks and hot chicks.(Great combo)
C) Steely Dan tribute band Pretzel Logic rocked the house.
Oh yeah, it was also partner Greg Quinn's 40th birthday celebration. Though he was trying to play that down.
Lucky guy that Greg.
Great company, beautiful family and a SMW(Smoking hot wife) who's got to be at least 10 years younger!
Congrats on 13 great years X-Design and thanks for letting me see the Dan/Pretzel up close.
Posted by Humble on June 25, 2007 @ 10:06|Permalink
Weekend Soccer, Golf Tourney and some other junk.
I was at 5 soccer games this weekend.
No I didn't lose a bet, I actually had a great time. I love being a soccer Dad.
I'm not just a portable ATM machine, I'm portable ATM machine that mainly drives back and forth to soccer games.
This weekend was a big Select tournament in Erin Mills and Charlie's team The Golden Thunder or Blurred Vision or whatever they're name is, dominated.
Oh sure every Dad thinks they're kids team is good.
Nay I say to you. Nay.
This team from the O-dot won every game and the championship and some cool trophy's. That's domination my friends.
No I wasn't too proud. Bursting is more like it.
For the the season her team like 10, O and 1. That's no losses and a tie. Keep up the good work Marauders. (I can never remember the name of the team.)
Today after 6 months of planning it's finally arrived. The first annual LKTYP Golf Tournament.
Lots of planning.
I've hosted a number of these over the years, (That number is 167.) but I've never been this involved from start to now.
Wow.
Talk about lots of details. From format to food to prizes to draws to haranguing people to participate to hoping it doesn't piss rain on the tourney day.
Well all that has been done and now the event is here.
I can't say for certain, but thanks to a lot of very nice and generous people the theatre will bring in close to 70 thousand dollars today.
Not bad for our first time.
I'll update you on the hijinks and tom foolery later. Hopefully there won't be any fisticuffs or roughhousing.
That last sentence dropped by to say "Hi from 1956!"
Posted by Humble on June 25, 2007 @ 09:49|Permalink
Flight of the Conchords.
Having lost the powerhouse Sopranos franchise, HBO has developed a new show that reeks of network genius. Flight of the Conchords has all the elements of television greatness: a New York City setting and a pair of underemployed musicians who prattle on nonsensically in cute New Zealand accents.
My buddy Mike told me about this show. He's lawyer with a twisted sense of humour and an eclectic taste in pop culture.
His wife's cute too.
Anyway I've checked it out a couple of times and you all might dig it. As Mike said, it's pacing is even slower than that of Curb your Enthusiasm but once you get into it, it's pretty funny.
This is a bit from their act but it'll give you a flavor of the series.
There's a bunch more on the YouTube and it's very funny. This is the thing all your other friends will be talking about like next year. You can throw in a Flight of the Conchords reference at em now. Do it.
My dogs face smells like ass. Seriously. Could it be because he licks his private areas nearly every waking minute?
I think so.
He wakes up and immediately goes to work on his doggy dink and sphincty area and then its' lick, lick lick until bedtime. Not to mention slipper-humping which just produces more self-licky.
One of my girls asked if it was true that dogs tongues are cleaner than ours. I said no, but his ass surely must be cause he never stops licking it.
My buddy Stinky's company is having a shindig Saturday night and we've been invited. I mention this only cause the band is Pretzel Logic, the premier Steely Dan cover band on the planet.
I'm totally pyched.
I've seen these guys and they're awesome.
Stinky and I will be singing along with every song while our chicks do what they normally do around us. Roll they're eyes and tell us to grow up.
Finally, Charlie is in a soccer tournament this weekend and she could play up to 5 games.
5 games in two days and I can't wait.
There was a time when she was younger that I'd rather have my nuts boiled in oil than watch 5 soccer games but now I love it.
At this level the girls all know what they're doing and it's very exciting.
Charlie keeps asking if we can bring Tucker the Dog with us to a game. I would if he could stop
chewing on his junk for more than a minute.
Media peon, Humble Howard announced today that he has been authorized to make a bid for BCE and will throw his beanie into the ring alongside Telus.
Vice-President Randee Rosenthal, said "Why are you bothering me" when HH asked if he could buy Telus.
Insiders see this as the perfect synergistic situation and could save Canadians thousands of dollars in the coming years.
Actually insiders said, "Who is Humble Howard?"
Other insiders said, "I think it's that guy that used to work with the sock-puppet."
While another insider remarked, "How did he get our number?'
Still Humble Entertainment made a bid of 1600 dollars to buy BCE and hopes to be considered alongside Telus's multi-billion dollar offer.
Humble Entertainment stock was unchanged after this announcement. In fact it may have actually gone down on rumors that CEO Howard Glassman is "losing it" and might have to step down after this years AGM if Q-4 numbers don't increase.(Whatever that means.)
(Apparently the guy on the far right is the smartest, followed by the guy in the middle followed by me...the Dummy!)
According to the front page of The Star a recent study found that the eldest child had the highest IQ.
I could have told you that.
My older Brother Dave is by far the smartest. Steve is the second smartest.
I'm just the best looking and funniest and have the biggest hog.
The study said the elder children score an average of 2.3 points higher than the next sibling in line.
The study also said the middle child, while slightly smarter than the baby, would also cruelly never hire him even though he's incredibly talented and good looking.
But before my two somewhat smarter Brothers get carried away, the article pointed out that Darwin was the fifth of six kids, Copernicus was the youngest of four and Descartes the youngest of three.
All brilliant, younger, funny...more handsome and hung.
Posted by Humble on June 22, 2007 @ 08:34|Permalink
Easiest Golf Tips Ever. Part 3
"Hi I'm Howard, and I'm a Golf-aholic!"
"Hi Howard!"
I used to be obsessed with the game, now, not so much.
How do I know?
There was a time when I'd have a few bad holes or an awful round and then spend the next 3 hours on the range trying to figure it out.
Now, I play good/bad and when its' over I move on. I actually don't care anywhere near as much as I did and end up having a way better time.
Funny thing is I play pretty well but I can no longer concentrate for more than 9 or 10 holes. Seriously. In the last week I've played a lot because my buddy Lumby and I went away and played a couple of rounds and a nine in Ottawa and then yesterday I played my weekly round here in the O-dot.(Oakville yo)
Anyway here are my front 9 scores. 36, 37,38, 38.
Here are my back 9 scores. 43, 44, 44, 41
It's not because I'm getting loaded on beers or dogs either.("Have a dog, make a double").
Something happens after the turn and I just start to play like hell. Except now I could care less.
Today's Easiest Golf Tip(finally.) Putting is Voodoo.
I mentioned last time that putting was Voodoo and that it's the most individual part of the game, but a few basics apply that will make you instantly better.
1) Let your arms hang down as naturally as possible and lighten your grip.(Whatever grip you use.)
2) Stand closer to the ball than you think you should. If the balls too far away your putters path will never be consistent.
3) Find your putters sweet spot and hit the ball there. This is kind of complicated but worth it.
Take a ball and just lightly rap your putter with it. You'll see where the putter head twists and where it doesn't. Where it doesn't is where you want to hit the ball.
Hitting the sweet spot will give you a truer roll and you'll sink more putts.
4) Between line and pace always think pace first. You'll miss way more putts that are right on line but short than the other way around.
5) Go with your first instincts. If you walk up to a putt and you think it breaks right to left, stay with that read, 99% of the time you'll be right.
There you go.
Why do I say "Putting is Voodoo?"
Mainly because I've seen guys who can't hit it out of their shadows, putting cross-handed with a cut down push-broom with their eyes closed, sink everything they look at.
There's no explaining it.
Like a lot of golfers, I've often bemoaned(yes bemoaned) the fact that a 4 inch putt is worth the same as 275 yard drive.
Stupid ass game.
Posted by Humble on June 21, 2007 @ 07:56|Permalink
In Toronto, yeah that's right...In Toronto baby.
Today I'll be on Rogers Cable's fine program In Toronto.
I was on a older version of this just before Christmas and then they stopped producing that show.
Yes another fine effort poisoned by my appearance. Nice.
I hope this group knows that I can have that effect on a show.
I'll be on talking about last months Deaf for a Day thing. I'm looking forward to it as the DfaD people are the best.
I'll let you know when it runs.
My LKTYP Golf Tourney is fast approaching. Monday June 25 at Glenn Abbey. If you'd like to come and your a single we can hook you up in a foursome. It's for a great cause, The Lorraine Kimsa Theatre for Young People, a nice group who do good things for kids.
Send you interest to I'llplayinyourtourney@Humblehoward.com.
Finally, last night I had some Baby Back ribs ripple potato chips. Wow. Those cats at Herr's know what they're doing. Taste great and only a ton of calories.
I wonder how they stumbled on Baby Back ribs as a chip flavor.
"Hey dude's I've got a great idea, how bout ham chips?"
"No you idiot. But pig is an interesting chip flavor. Hmmmm How about Baby Back rib ripple chips?"
"Wow no wonder your regional manager in charge of development."
I urge you to go out and purchase Herr's Baby Back ribs at your earliest convenience.
Do it.
Posted by Humble on June 21, 2007 @ 07:48|Permalink
Star Wars Christmas. I'm not kidding.
This was sent in by Teacher Tim. He is a very bright lad with very odd taste.
He checks in from time to time with the odd YouTube thing and very often it's just all kinds of weird.
This is one of those time.
It's a Star Wars special from 1978 and it's heinous and putrid and you'll find it hard to look away.
Like when you see a Deer carcass on the side of the road.
Check it.
(Don't forget to click on the "Menu" button or hit refresh.)
I gave another of my little "funny motivational" speeches yesterday. Seemed to go over well and I'm getting more and more confident.
My sermon is called "Failing to Succeed" and I talk about how I've tried and failed at any number of things on my way to career mediocrity.
I should call it Unemployment Loves Company.
I got several nice comments including this one.
"I really enjoyed your nuggets!"
Which I found out after meant little bits of wisdom. Damm I was thinking I may get some new side action. (Note to Randee. I'm kidding. I don't need any side action your all the chick I need.)
Charlie played her first game under the lights last night. Very cool but very late. Got her home at 10:45 and off to bed at 11.
I love going to games with her for any number of reasons but the ride there and back with her alone is one of the best.
It's those talks in the car that I remember with my Dad. He never yelled at me during my Hockey games but he always had some words of encouragement on the ride home.
She still seems to want to hear what I have to say about her performance so I'm enjoying every minute of it.
I know the day is coming soon when she won't be that interested.
Finally I was doing my "business" this morning and I read that Van Morrison is coming to the Humming Bird Centre July 5.
Ok. That's nice. But then I read that tickets are on sale for $218 dollars for any seat in the house.
$218! Are you freaking kidding me?
Van comes out, does Into the Mystic, Brown eyed Girl and Moondance and you want us to fork over a couple of hundred bucks.
Unless Van picks me up, takes me for dinner and then lets me sit beside him on stage, he's not getting my $218.
"Hey Daddy, someones at the door."
"That's just Van Morrison honey, tell him I'll be right there."
This Friday and Saturday the NHL draft is on in Columbus Ohio and I'm having trouble sleeping.
The Leafs are picking 13th. Hmmm an omen perhaps? Apparently Kyle Turris will be the first pick overall and I'm very happy for him.
Not so happy for the sports Radio and Television stations that have to cover the whole thing as though it matters to more than a handful of people.
Mostly guys who wear sweaters with the names of other men on the back.
John Daly won his second Telus skins game by holing a chip for eagle and collecting $190,000 dollars. Not surprised, the guys got Mad Skills, as the kid are wont to say.
I like John.
I hosted and was part of several skins games back when Export A sponsored them and I was lucky enough to hang with him a bit over 3 or 4 summers. Good guy, amazing with people.
At Tremblent he was playing with Weir, David Duval and Fred Couples and was by far the
fan fav. True Daly story #1.
John had just been picked up by Callaway and as he left the range one day he was signing autographs and started talking to a kid about 12 years old. He asked the boy if he golfed and if he had clubs. The kid said yes but I don't have a full set yet.
Daly bolts into the Pro Shop (ok, waddles quickly) and buys the kid a full set of Callaways.
Seriously. The kid is blown away.
I guarantee you that's not the first or last time Big John did that.
True Daly Story #2.
I was hosting a clinic with him for an event at Angus Glenn a few years later. He hit some balls and then after I asked him if I could try one of his clubs. He said yes and I grabbed his 8 iron and went off to the side of the range.
Stiffest shaft I've ever held. (I'm talking golf clubs here, relax.)
It took me three swings just to get the ball in the air.
True Daly Story #3
During one round at Angus Glen BJ apparently drank 17 Mike's Hard Lemonades. 17.
Most people would be dead.
Later that night I was hosting the dinner portion of the thing and John got up and sang some song on his guitar to the amazement/horror of those gathered.
How bad was it?
Many of us wished we were dead.
My boy Stinky sent me this. It's a couple getting all tangled up with each other and then flipping over and over. I don't know why but every time I watch it I always think of them doing it Naked.
Is that wrong?
Check it.
(Just a reminder that YouTube is now doing some new thing with their embedded videos so after you watch just hit refresh or the "menu" button and it will go back to normal.)
Posted by Humble on June 20, 2007 @ 08:38|Permalink
Finally some more HHDotCom FaQ's.
It's been a while since I've done some FAQ's and I thought I'd bring you new HHDotCom peeps up to speed.
All the big sites have a section where you can go to get answers to the most common questions of that sites users.
Here's how the bit began.
The rest are in the archives under FAQ's.(Really? Wow, who'd of thunk it.)
So here once again some HHDotCom Frequently Asked Questions.
How are you? Why, what have you heard. Are you any closer to a job? Yes and no. Yes my wife might be getting one, me, not so much. Are you enjoying your time off? Yes I like cleaning the pool and doing the Sudoku. I've finally found my calling. How come your so sarcastic? How come you ask so many questions? I'm just doing my job. Really "I'm just doing my job!". At least you have one. Do you need a minute? No. I'm fine. Do you have a tissue. What time do you get up now? Usually around 7 or not at all. What time do you go to bed. Usually around 11 then I wake up at my old time of 3:15 and just whimper myself back to sleep. You've been out of work nearly a year do you miss being on the Radio. I used to be on the Radio? Yes, for many years, don't you remember? I remember something vaguely about fart jokes and giving out the weather but that's about it. What will you do now? Uh I'm going to take a shower and change my under-pants. No I mean for a living? You mean I don't get paid to take a shower and change my under-pants? Any prospects? Yes, I'm hoping to catch on with Baskin and Robbins before the Summers' over and then I'll go on unemployment.
Always good fun and fresh baked blogging at Mikeboon.com.
He is the online Yoda to my Obi Wan.
He is the Movable Type Earl to my Tiger. He is the wind beneath my wings.
Excuse me while I puke on my keyboard.
Okay, that's better.
I was checking out TO Mike as I am want to do and he had nice piece about the whole Sopranos ending thing.
I was cool with the way the series wrapped up. I understand that wasn't the case with everyone but Mike's entry has a lot to chew on.
Check it out here.
My buddy Tim Miller teaches and does it very well. I mentioned yesterday that he'd probably have a thing or two to say about the whole "How much is too much" homework thing. He did.
Check this perspective out from a very thoughtful teacher.
I know that homework is a necessary evil... 1) its preparation for life.
What kind of job do you not bring home on some level, either literally or in your brain. 2) there ain't enough hours in the day
No matter the subject, you can't always get everything covered. 3) self guided learning
You are never going to learn to think for yourself if the teacher always does the thinking (get a fish, you eat for a day...learn to fish, you eat for life) 4) lazy
Sometimes they goof off in class and its their own fault...I try give a fair amount of time to get a good chunk of work done during class time...like a real job...learn how to time manage now... waste it and its your own darn fault that you can't watch lost tonight because Mr Miller made you figure out the motivation for a character! 5) bad teacherrs
Yeah sure...there are a few out there that give too much time to "self guided" learning...they may not know how to teach that well...dunno 6) too much...too little time
...By cutting out Grade 13/OAC we have limited the amount of time that these kids get to learn
...add to that the fact that they have a reduced amount of choices...its important to balance your education with 'required' items and 'interest/passion' items...with a year less time to get your required courses, kids don't get that opportunity to balance and may miss out on directions they might peruse (Arts, Tech, Phys Ed...etc)
...as well, I think some are not quite mature enough (at 18) to head off to post-secondary places 7) we need to find a balance
Our society is WAY too stressed...some European countries start at 5 weeks off per-year when you begin a job...in North America you need to be in the system for a few years to get that...life needs to be a bit of work and a bit of play
Thanks Tim. He's the type of dude you hope your kids get in school
Tiger's baby was born yesterday. Does that mean I'm an Uncle or just some creepy, middle-aged fan?
Good on him. I promise you this means more than all his golf-stuff combined. He comes from that kind of family and I'm sure that's the kinds of family he'll strive for.
Tiger quote on the pregnancy."All I know is that Elin and I are excited, and that this is far more important than any game of golf. This is an opportunity for us to raise our first child, and we're really looking forward to it."
In the meantime, just for fun, let's take you back to when Sam's daddy was just two year's old and appearing on The Mike Douglas Show.
(Yes that's Bob Hope and Jimmy Stewart. Cool.) (Also just hit "Menu" to avoid this weird YOuTube thing that's happening after the video plays.)
Finally a little perspective on where Tiger is on his path of chasing Jack Nicklaus's records.
Check this out. After 42 majors as a professional, after having emasculated his competition again and again, Woods has this major-championship résumé: 12 victories, four runner-ups, 22 top-fives. Forty-two majors into Nicklaus' professional career the ledger was this: 11 victories, nine runner-ups, 26 top-fives.
Jack could play a little too!
Posted by Humble on June 19, 2007 @ 09:05|Permalink
Tiger and Fathers Day.
As many of you know I cheer for Tiger. He is my favorite sports team. If he were a Hockey player I'd be one of those dudes(losers?) in their 40's you see at Hockey games wearing a Leaf sweater with Darcy Tuckers name on the back.
A real fan.
Tiger didn't win the U.S.Open yesterday but he was in the last group on Sunday and that made for some very exciting Golf-watching. That's all I want. Tiger in contention and losing is way better than no Tiger in contention and Angel Cabrera smoking and winning all alone.
By the way, I like Angel's game and he's got a lot of it. Always finishes strong in Majors and is no surprise/fluky winner.
Tiger also lost because the last putt he made was on the practice green.
He putted like me and I'm heinous. If he had putted like himself he would have won by 10.
Still it was a great Fathers day of viewing and my family was great. After a morning of Daddy-glomming they were out of the house and left me on my own.
They came back just as Tiger was on 17 and needing one birdie in the last 2 holes to force a playoff. When Spencer sized up the situation she quickly went and got the TW bobble-head. Nice touch.
He still made par.
I cheer for Tiger because of yesterday's performance not in spite of it.
U.S. Open Notes.
-Angle Cabrera is the Argentine Arnold Palmer. Back in the day, Arnie was all huge drives, un-tucked shirts and chain-smoking.
-Stephen Ames had his teeth fixed but he still has a crazy-as-bat-shit smile.
-Phil Mickelson didn't make the cut. Man that makes me giggle.
-Tiger is going to be a Dad in a month or so and I predict he'll win the last 2 majors just to show his kid he can!
Posted by Humble on June 18, 2007 @ 12:53|Permalink
Dalton promises. Again.
I must be dreaming. I guess I heard this but it was so preposterous that it couldn't be true.
Premier Dalton McGuinty promised that if he were elected in the Fall that he wouldn't raise taxes. Come on. Really. He said that? Wow that guy has some big nuts. I'm no Dalton basher, it's too easy, but you've got to be joking me that after all the broken promises he would even wade into that lie-infested cesspool.
Member last time when he promised not to raise taxes and he did? (Blamed it on not knowing the extent of the deficit left by the Tories.)
Great excuse. "We're dense!"
Glad we elected you.
Truth is the best disguise. Just be straight and say, "Hey we can't promise anything, we'll probably raise your taxes and a bunch of other stuff you won't like but we still think we can do some good so whaddya say?"
I'd rather hear that then "Elect us and we won't raiser your taxes....again!"
Interesting article in The Star and all over the Radio News today about homework in the To public school systems.
I think kids have too much homework nowadays, considering that I don't remember doing any.
Maybe thats why I'm barely qualified to work at Baskin and Robins. (No I didn't apply.)
Plus tons of projects. Geez if I have to buy any more bristol board I'm going to lose it.
I don't know what the answer is but my buddy Tim Miller's a teacher and a damm good one and I'll bet he knows. He probably did a crap load of homework when he was a kid.
I suspect the not-so-good teachers assign more work out of the classroom cause it's easier than having to teach it, but I doubt that's the deal with all of them. Have a look at this and then come back, I've got more.
Personally I don't buy the argument that parents need to do more but they do have to do some.
I've been trying to find the new Nike spot featuring the Nike golf team making a set of tiny clubs for Tigers baby. It's not on YouTube yet, but I'm sure it will be soon.
In the meantime here's the Father's day spot from last year.
Sadly, this Nike commercial was compiled a few weeks before Earl Woods' death and was meant to be Tiger's Father's Day tribute to "make sure all dads everywhere are recognized and appreciated." Just try and watch it without tearing up.
(After you've watch it, it kinda goes wonky. Just hit refresh and it'll reset.)
I wasn't really looking forward to Fathers Day this year. A lot of you know my Father, Lou Glassman, died last Fall and as this day approached I wondered how I'd feel on my first
Father's day without my Dad.
Well the answer is I feel fine. Really I do.
I decided that I would focus on what I have as opposed to what I've lost.
I have a great family including two amazing kids and a wonderful wife and I'm damm lucky.
(Not to mention Tiger is 2 back at the U.S. Open. My Dad would have loved that too.)
This morning my girls brought me breakfast in bed and homemade cards and cuddles and I knew that I'd be all right today.
I know I'll be thinking of my Dad but as time passes I feel a little less raw. I guess that's normal.
I'm starting to realize that I still have a Father, I just can't talk to him the same way as before. But trust me, I hear his voice and see him all the time.
With my Father and I it was always Golf. The way I put my hands on a club, all the things he taught me, all the etiquette and life lessons. All that's him.
When I' watch Tiger win today I'll know somewhere my Dad will be watching too...and complaining about the lack of TV time for Mike Weir and Stephen Ames!
I'll think of him after the broadcast and wonder what'd he say.
I'll think of him but it won't be as sadly as before.
Today I'll think of being a lucky Father as opposed to a Father-less son.
I'm off to Ottawa to golf with my pal's Lumby and Danny K, whose son Adam can kick all our
asses.
Hope you have a great rest-of-the week and I'll be back with some fresh crap Saturday or Sunday.
Bewell,
h
No the Leafs haven't signed Tiger, although I'm sure he'd be as effective as say Carlo Coliaccavo.
The big story is that the Leafs have re-singed Mats to a one year contract and Damien Cox thinks that if the team doesn't make the playoff it'll be bye bye Mats and so long GM John Ferg Jr.
Really?
Is the team that bad that making the playoffs would actually be an accomplishment? Wow, I had not idea. I just like mocking them cause it's fun. I didn't realize that they'd gotten themselves to such a level of sucking that getting into the post-season,(which pretty much everybody does) would be a big deal.
Geez I can see why The Leaf Nation was so upset that Ottawa made it the Stanley Cup finals.
Wow, now I feel bad.
Okay, no I don't.
U.S. Open.
Looking forward to it. Love watching pros make pars and bogeys and others.
Tiger will win of course and if he doesn't I'll bet you it'll be somebody you've never heard of.
I'm serious.
The U.S. Open often produces unknowns that have one great week and that's it.
Scott Simpson, Larry Nelson, Hubert Green, then there's Lee Janzen, and Andy North who both won twice!
Not exactly household names.
So it'll be Tiger or ????? or maybe a guy like Retief Goosen. He's won two in the last 6 years.
Russell Peters has sold out the ACC next week.
2 nights, nearly 30 thousand people.
He tells jokes. Funny ones too.
I have been following his career for a while and I must tell you I was slow to come around. Not a huge fan to begin with and I'd heard some stuff from some peeps that kind of turned me off.
But this my friends is huge.
2 nights, nearly 30 thousand people watching a Canadian comedian. That's PFI. (Pretty F-ing Impressive)
Maybe you've heard of him but never seen him.
Check this out.
Category:
Posted by Humble on June 13, 2007 @ 09:33|Permalink
Colm Feore is the real deal too.
A couple of days ago I wrote about Bon Cop Bad Cop, my new favorite Canook movie starring Colm Feore. He may be this country's greatest dramatic actor. No he is.
He's been a bunch of stuff you've seen. IMDB him and you'll see.
My pal Viney Menon of the Star writes a nice thing in this morning's paper about Colm getting a big award.
BANFF - Colm Feore leans forward in his emerald chair and smiles.
A rustic, three-level chandelier hangs nearby, casting amber shadows on the Tudor balcony. Outside, fog sits atop the Rockies, mist drifts through pine trees in the Bow Valley.
We are inside the Banff Springs Hotel, a castle in the mountains. And this backdrop is appropriate: Canada's prince of a leading man framed by majestic beauty on the day he is crowned with a lifetime Award of Distinction.
Check out the rest of it here.
Posted by Humble on June 13, 2007 @ 09:18|Permalink
Kneale Mann Article part One
Kneale Mann and I have had an interesting 18 year relationship. He was doing all nights when I started at CFNY in August of 89. He was not a big fan of the H+F show and one night sort of freaked out at our producer Dan Duran.
Well I freaked out in return and kicked the crap out of the studio door. I'm sure my boot print is still there.
Fast forward to many years of working together later and all is well. Kneale was MD for years at the Edge and then PD in Ottawa.
We've been keeping in touch since neither of us is working (Unemployment loves company.) and he sent me this article he wrote recently for an industry paper call the Friday Morning Quarterback.
I think you'll find it quite interesting.
ContentContextCommunity
Whenever I am on a flight over mountains, I like to search for those little pockets of life. I often wonder how a town of a few dozen people can sustain in the midst of such grand expansion. Someone had to put up the first hut, make the first fire, clear the first path and suddenly there was a settlement, a village, a town, and one day in some cases – a city of nine million on the banks of Lake Michigan.
There are hundreds of stories like this, stories of how your market grew from the first few settlers into a CMA that is now home to thousands if not millions.
At one time, it was viewed as great progress when you could dip the end of a feather into a well of ink and scratch a note on a piece of dried wood pulp. In order to get the message to the recipient, you would need to then hire a messenger who would deliver your note on horseback. Today, we send messages thumbed on handheld wireless devices to the other side of the planet in an instant.
In 1943, Abraham Maslow wrote an article entitled "The Hierarchy of Needs". In it, he described what humans require to enjoy an enriched life. Those needs run the gambit from the most basic such as food, water, and sleep and continue all the way to self-actualization.
Nestled right above the need to keep our bodies alive, is the need to belong, to be a part of something, to feel needed by others. That’s the reason for communities, clubs, associations, sports teams, email. Humans need human interaction.
The MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, iPod phenomenon is by no means a new concept; it's just a new delivery system.
As I have said numerous times, Microsoft Word does not make you Hemmingway. Whether it’s an ink dipped feather or a blackberry, if the message is of no interest to its recipient, the instrument is irrelevant. Think about that the next time you put something on your radio station. Is your message interesting? Does your content have context?
In Radio, we have an opportunity to create a community, a connection to content and context. We cannot simply dumb down this gorgeous medium by playing 10-in-a-row and giving away concert tickets. Listeners want more than sound coming out of speakers and the latest Carrie Underwood or Linkin Park. We can do better than that. And in a world of user-made content, it’s a matter of our survival!
How many times have you been at a dinner when someone talks about how radio could be better? Are we the enlightened ones who don’t feel that the great unwashed could handle more than time, temp, shut up and play the hits?
We spend a great amount of our waking hours wondering what’s next. PPMs are a reality, younger demos aren’t consuming radio as much as they did in the past, the industry has done a pretty underwhelming job embracing interactive possibilities but I’m referring to something much more human.
Posted by Humble on June 13, 2007 @ 09:07|Permalink
Kneale Mann's Article part Two
You can build a MySpace page in two minutes and scour for “friends”. MySpacers want control over their environment then share it, belong to others, and build that community.
I was on a train recently and I was fascinated by a group of high school students on a school trip. I watched how they interacted with each other. They shared snacks, checked out each others’ iPods, talked, laughed, and read aloud. They were creating content in the context of their own space.
My eye suddenly caught a couple in their 60s on the other side of the train who were sharing a sandwich. In this noisy train car, they created their own community – a community of two – and it seemed that the rest of the world didn’t matter.
Then there was me, with my laptop open and tunes cranked in the headphones – creating my own environment. It was a cocaphany of sounds by people co-creating …on a train! Was this an isolated event? Is life like that in people’s every day lives?
When I go to Starbucks – anywhere on the continent – the same thing happens. I get greeted cheerfully and receive my order promptly. Starbucks is a brand and a community, it is not coffee. Coffee is simply the conduit, the delivery service, the gadget.
Apple does not sell portable digital music devices – they sell a community and a lifestyle. Why do we honk or wave at someone who has made the same car purchase as us?
Content, context and community are powerful forces we cannot ignore.
What’s also important to note, is the content, context and community we are building inside our own environments – our radio stations. We have all used the phrase “customer service” ad nausea but do we follow through? I view ‘customers’ as three groups – our listeners, our clients, and our selves. Are their needs different? No. They each have the need to flourish and yes …belong!
What kind of community exists inside your radio station? Is it co-creating with your listeners and your clients? What are the needs of your employees and co-workers? Is your sales department asking your clients what they need to be successful? Are you asking your listeners and potential listeners what they want?
Think beyond the announcers, music, sales, imaging, creative, promotions, interactive, and marketing – those are paramount to your success – but turn the focus back on your community and give them the content they crave.
In my 15 years at the Edge in Toronto, one of my annual favorites was our EdgeFest concert. During this daylong event which featured a dozen or so bands, there was a sea of 35,000 people sharing, enjoying, and co-creating.
Make it about them, and they will make it about you. Your competition is not gadgets or other radio stations – it is people’s time. It’s your challenge to create that desire for others to want to belong to your space.
Are you creating an atmosphere that will satisfy people's inherent need to belong?
I haven't been flying lately cause our plane has a gear issue. This is the type of thing on a plane you want working most of the time cause it's just more convenient to land with the gear down.
It's being fixed along with a bunch of other things that need attending to. Bottom line: Going to Ottawa to golf for a couple of days tomorrow and Driving not Flying.
I've been hitting a few golf balls recently. No, I'm not going back to the Crack of Sports but I do enjoy the range (Crack house) and I'll try and play once a week or so. I just know I'll never take it seriously enough to torture my clubs or lay awake at night going over each and every shot.
Besides I have enough to worry about at night without golf.
Between Charlie and Spencer there are 6 soccer occasions a week these days. Charlie 4, Spencer 2. Plus all the other kid stuff. I love watching both of them play but I have to miss the practices and events that overlap games.
Last night, I was at Spencer's singing recital. The only thing more excruciating than watching soccer when your kids are not on the field, is watching other people kids sing.
Finally Tiger.
Tiger will win the U.S. Open this week. (Really How-man, you think so? That's odd, you picking Tiger.)
Phil's wrist is hurting, Vijay is getting old, and nobody from Europe has won a Major since they used to lose every Ryder Cup.
So that leaves a few Aussies, Mike Weir and Tiger.
An Aussies won last year so that won't happen, Mike Weir is due to start playing better but not this week so in the end it's just Tiger. Who, by the way, has been sucking his last 2 tournaments. But those weren't Majors and he wins nearly 25% of the time he plays.
So Tiger it is unless of course it isn't.
Posted by Humble on June 12, 2007 @ 08:13|Permalink
The Stewie bit all your Kids are doing.
Hey Hep Cats this is something you'll want to be up on, to give you some clue why your kids and their friends are walking around going, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mama, Mama etc.
If you like stupid funny you'll love this.
For you Soprano fans here's a 7 minute compilation.
Enjoy.
You can't Buy it, Rent it or Borrow it But..........
I was playing golf years ago with Bob McCowan from the Fan, a pretty decent player who's Hot wife used to be a sales chick at the Edge and set Bob and I up on a golf-date.
Anyway.
Bob and I were playing and we started talking about guys we knew who had great short games. Not pro's but just regular guys.
Best I ever knew was Dan Parland of The National. Never saw anyone miss more greens and make more pars. Devastating guy in Match Play. Also won the club championship about 600 times.
Anyway.
I don't remember who he named but Bob said something that day I've never forgotten. He said when it comes to the short game-you can't buy it, rent it or borrow it, you either have touch or you don't.
I tended to agree with him but I would add one thing.
You can learn it. You can learn the proper set up that will help you pitch and chip the ball better.
Putting is Voodoo and I'll talk about that some other time.
3 things you must do to chip the ball better.
1) Open your stance. (Turn both feet to the left, opposite for Lefties.)
2) Ball back in your stance. (Way further than you'd think. Like opposite your right baby toe!)
3) Hands ahead of the ball. (And also important, keep them ahead through the whole motion.)
These three things will at least give you a clue as to why your topping/skulling/fatting your chips. This works well with all chips with all clubs.
For pitches, (just longer chips)...don't play the ball back as far, everything else applies.
Last bit of advice today.
If your ever at a Golf course and a slightly round, friendly guy with thick glasses and his shirt un-tucked introduces himself as Dan and asks to play for money. Run.
Bon Cop Bad Cop.
Best Canadian movie I've seen.
Not saying it's the best Canadian movie ever, just I don't see that many and this one was good.
Rent/Download it and you won't be disappointed.
I watched this the other night and was very impressed. Had a real "Snatch" feel to it and a nice
Canadian flavor. (That last sentence assumes you know I mean the movie "Snatch"...)
Colm Feore is a great actor in any country and the French guy was good too. Plus some cool scenes, good story and 2 hot chicks.
Have a look.
We all have friends that we see a lot and then we have another category of friends that we don't see as much as we'd like.
This weekend was a confluence of those two groups for me.
From Friday night till Sunday night it was non-stop visiting/drinking.
Friday night Bingo Bob threw a grown-up dinner at his palatial Danforth estate and I got to see
Bingo Bob, Bingo's Hot Wife Laura, Andy Wilson and his Crazy Cute chick Michelle and former
morning show intern Stupid Curtis. Lots of laugh/food/booze, Randee drove home, I fell asleep by the Gardiner.
Saturday afternoon: Hanging with my buddy from BNN/RobTV Lou Schizas and his daughter and my kids. Laughing/swimming/beer/burgers.
That night I saw Surf's Up. Good kid-flick. Not great but not bad.
Sunday: Best pal Stinky and his dog Hogan. Dan Duran and God-son Coltan, my girls and some of their friends.
Lunch, pool, driving range, beers, pool, steaks on the barbecue, red wine, etc. At one point Stinky, Dan and I sang Bohemian Rhapsody for the kids much to the delight of some and the embarrassment of my 12 year old.(In front of her friend no less.)
Sunday night: Best pal Fraser comes over, we watch Sopranos. Beer/TV tension then bizarre discussion with my wife where she disputes that Fraser knows where his wife works. Seriously.
So in the space of 48 hours I pretty much got caught up with a good portion of several sectors of my friends. Summer time is great for that. I'm sure a lot of Canadians have this kind of weekend where we try and squeeze every last drop of fun out of our lives before we go back in to hibernation after labour day.
The Sopranos are over. Yes this will contain spoiler material. Sorry.
My two favorite shows are done. The West Wing ended last year and now the Sopranos are done as well.
I'm not so sure how I feel about last nights episode. I'm glad Phil got popped and his head too, but I thought too much was left up to us to figure out at the end. Maybe that was the point. The creator David Chase gave us a bunch of different options and then just abruptly shut it down.
Yes, just like you I thought the Satellite had dropped out for a second.
Actually I PVR-ed it on 2 channels so I quickly went to my back up and when the same thing happened again I stopped freaking out.
Pretty clever that finale though. Not your standard, pap-cheesy TV series ending where all is
forgiven, lessons are learned and our characters go off in the sunset.
On the contrary the last episode left more questions than answers and for most Sorprano's fans it was probably the only way to say goodbye.
The last Scene. What was the Meadow parking thing all about? Who was that dude who went to the bathroom? Why was the FBI agent so happy when he got the call about Phil? What about those guys that came in at the end? Journey's Don't Stop Believing. What was that all about?
I'm going to watch it again with Randee and maybe it'll make more sense a second time. I doubt it though.
Posted by Humble on June 11, 2007 @ 09:57|Permalink
No Hole in One for YOU!
Well I'm going to have to get a job after all. I made it to the semi-finals of the Million Dollar Hole in One and sort of coughed it up.
There were some 50 guys trying for 6 spots in the finals and I missed it. The finals are one shot, for a million.
I thought, "Hey why not me?" The answer came back, "Cause you sort of suck!"
Here is a quick run down of my 3 attempts at the green 150 yards away-down wind. 1st shot: 9 iron, fat/clunky-short. Decide if I'm going to be choking I should club down to an 8. 2ndshot: 8 iron, thin/clunky-short. Decide if I'm going to shit the bed I better at least hit one solid. 3rdshot: 8 iron, sold, straight at the hole, touch long. Nice. 20 feet. Not bad but not good enough.
I hung around awhile to see if I'd made it but after about 20 minutes of hearing wild applause for shots much closer than mine I left.
As Bobby Jones once said, "There's golf and then there's Tournament golf."
Basically it means, you may think your pretty good until a chance at million dollars is on the line and a bunch of people are standing around watching you and you chunk a simple shot cause you basically suck-ass.
Golf Note.
I played Glen Abbey on Friday with some buds and I was pretty good from tee to green but as soon as I had to hit a chip/pitch or bunker shot I stunk. My short game is so bad that I'm thinking of dis-including it from the game altogether. Just tee off, hit my second shot somewhere near the green, picking it up and just going to the next tee and waiting. Way more fun, way less stress.
The Kooky Red-head I live with keeps threatening to submit her own blog entry and frankly I can't wait.
Randee is by far the funniest person who doesn't mean to be that I know. Our 9 year old Spencer, is a close second.
Randee's chick-posse has been sending around this thing and I thought I'd post a few for your amusement.
Posted by Humble on June 11, 2007 @ 09:09|Permalink
Golf, Golf and THE MILLION DOLLAR HOLE IN ONE!
Yesterday I hosted a Golf tournament for Mining Matters, a huge mining industry charity thing.
Great people and about 50 grand raised in one day, which is a nice first year. I was a last minute ask so I didn't get to play I only had to show up in Newmarket, Mc the dinner and go home.
I was actually grateful getting to avoid the 6 hour 15 minute scramble round. Those are fun.
Today I'm playing golf for second time this year. For those of you who know me you know how weird that it.
I don't know, up til now I haven't really wanted to play, then I went out and hit balls a couple of times and I sort of got the taste back a bit.
No I'm not going to start hitting a thousand balls a week again but I think I could see myself playing once a week or so and that would be fine.
ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT
Quick Golf Tip for you to try this weekend.
If you slice the ball here's an idea Aim Left. I know that's sounds simple and obvious but I've played with thousands of people who hit giant fades that gust to slices that keep ending up in the right hand trees/water/bio-hazards.
During the round is no time to fix it so Aim Left-er. Try it. This Alert is over. Now let's resume the Drivel.
On Sunday I'm going to have a chance at a Million dollars. Sort of. Seriously.
Every year this company called The Million Dollar Challenge goes around to driving ranges and helps raise money for charities by giving people a chance a Million bucks.
You buy like 10 balls for 10 bucks and hit to a green and each day the top 10 qualify to come back for the finals on Sunday. A couple of days ago I went over and hit one 4 feet, won some prize and got my ticket to semis.
A few years ago I got to the finals where you get one ball and one chance at the money.
It was cool.
Of course I missed but hey you never know. I've been golfing for the better part of 30 years and never had a hole-in-one so maybe Sunday's the day.
If I win I'll buy you all a beer.
Yahhhhh Another American team won The Stanley Cup!!!!!
Why are these stupid Senators celebrating? They didn't win the Stanley Cup!)
America keeps the cup and Ontario celebrates!
Quite the headline. Sadly that's how a lot of people here feel and that's too bad.
I was watching Charlie play soccer last night(yes for the 9th time this week) and one of the Other Dads asked if I was cheering for Ottawa.
I said no but I'd like to see them keep the series alive to at least give their fans one more home game. Sucky eh?
Fans that support a team deserve something in return as opposed to the Ass-Bang that Leaf Fans get from their team every year.
But hey Nik Andropov has been resigned.
The Star actually had a story about the Leafs today, about who's been signed and who's a free agent. The gist of the article was that the team was going to be basically unchanged for next year.
Well there's some good news.
The season is over and now it's been 15 years since a Canadian team has won the Cup.)
In the end the Leaf Fans can say Ottawa choked, Alfredson's an dick, ABO rules!(Anyone but Ottawa).
But you know if the Sens were my kid during the drive home I'd still say,
"Good Job lil Sens. Even though you didn't win you still made it to the finals and that's better than almost everyone else. Now lets' go get a Blizzard."
I have a wife and 2 girls. That's a lot of chick-stuff hanging around the house.
From flip-flops to tank top to flat irons to bras the place is a veritable Vagina-Festival.
By the way, I thought girls were neater than boys. Hah! My oldest daughters room looks like a hurricane blew through it and most days we just shut the door so we won't have to look at it.
Of course there's the magazines.
Men today I draw your attention to Lou Lou.
Do you know Lou Lou? I do. Do you?
Lou Lou is your typical chick-mag. Lot's of ads, pictures of hot skinny women and amazing "articles."
How to dress for a blind date!(Comfort is key, stay natural and smile. Okay.) Buying a Bra-Great cleavage enhancers.(Hmmm cleavage.) Think Pink.(I am.) 374 Hot Buys and where to find them. (Are there really 374 hot buys? One day I may count them.)
The point is I know my wife reads these things which is fine but when I see the girls looking through them it give me the willies.
I remember when they use to color things and cut out stuff and now they reading articles about plumping up your lips with some new kind of gloss. (Lips can look up to 40% plumper!)
I love a plump-lip as much as the next guy I just don't want my little girls worrying about it yet.
Posted by Humble on June 7, 2007 @ 08:36|Permalink
Sure the Sens lost but good news Leaf Fans.....
I know Mike Boon is happy today. The torturous 06/07 season is over and he won't have to endure the Leaf-less post season anymore.
Bonus? Well little Niky Andropov has been resigned and Mike is ecstatic. Check it out here and as always, do the right thing and go to Toronto Mike for all your local news, views and cashews.
Posted by Humble on June 7, 2007 @ 08:30|Permalink
My House, My week and other Stuff.
It was about 5 months ago I was asked to be part of something called The Festival of Words in my hometown of Moose Jaw. At the time it seems liked years away but now it's around the corner.
It's a very cool gathering of writers and artists that I really have no business being part of.
For me I'm just happy to be going back to the Jaw to get all sentimental and nostalgic and to hang out with Murry McLaughlin. Check it out here.
This time that I've been out of work has been stressful, I won't lie. But the most amazing thing about being out of work is the time I've spent with my girls. Yes you too Randee. I was always the Dad who was around but was too tired later in the day to do anything.(Getting up at 3:15 make you very groggy after 6pm.)
Now I'm the Dad who can stay awake till everyones bedtime. Wow.
I'm also the Dad who drives them and their friends everywhere cause the other Dads have to go to their "silly old jobs." I'm happy to do it and is definitely a big plus, which helps balance the big minus of not having a gig.
Speaking of which. The following conversation took place between my friends hot wife Angela and her daughter while they were listening to the Radio.
Daughter: Mommy what is Howard doing these days that he's not on the Radio anymore.
HOTWA: Well honey, he's not doing much of anything. He's promoting a book and trying to stay in his happy place.(That last part was mine.)
Daughter: Cause Mommy I saw a sign in Baskin and Robbins that they are looking for help. Maybe he could work there.
HOTWA: Aw that's sweet I'll let him know.
Thanks for that tip Hot Wife Angela. I've got no problems slinging ice cream. I'd just be worried that I'd blow up even fatter than I already am.
Well got to go. I've got to get my demo tape off to B+A before someone else gets the gig.
My pal Bernie Marcotte sent me this. He's not a pilot but he loves to fly and often will send me stuff like this.
For reference here's a C-130
Here is an F-16
A C-130 was flying on a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up
next to him.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly
wentinto a barrel roll followed by a steep climb! He then finished with
a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.
The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, now watch this!"
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes, and then the C-130
pilot came back on and said , "What did you think of that?"
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the hell did you do?"
The C-130 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to
the back, took a piss , then got a cup of coffee and a sweet roll!"
(Hah! that's a good one. You see the F-16 guy was all " what can you do" and the C-130 dude was like "Yeah, well watch me..." and well if I have to explain it....)
Many of you know my friend David White.
We fly together and very often laugh our heads off like little girls.
Here's Dave now.
Hi Dave.
Hmm. This is strange, Dave's not saying anything, this isn't like him. Normally he's a Chatty Cathy.
Dave is very smart.
Dave's brain is the size of a Port-a-Potty.
Maybe Dave's all quiet cause IT'S DAVE'S BIRTHDAY AND TODAY HE'S VERY OLD.
Happy Birthday Dave.
Here's some sobering information. Dave is 43. Way into middle age.
When Dave was born all the way back in 1964 people gave smokes to babies.
The Indianapolis winner, A.J.Foyt won going 147 MPH. Dave's Mini goes faster.
Movies cost $1.25, gas was 30 cents a gallon and the average income was $6 grand a year.
6 grand! Dave has more than that in his pockets right now!
Times have changed Birthday Boy but one thing is constant. Today's your Birthday and you are a very old man.
Enjoy.
In a few weeks I'm speaking at a lunch thing in front of a bunch of people who are "in transition" Which is grown up for "NOT WORKING!"
I can relate. I've been in transition since last July.
've crafted a little speech and I'll be trying it out on these people to see if I can help them understand that it's not the end of the line but maybe the beginning of something great.
Mainly it's a way of saying your not alone.
Yesterday I wrote some bizarre stuff about being around the house and talking to my dog and I received this great comment about from Chris K in Grimsby.
He sums up the experience very well. (The out of work one, not the dog thing.)
Hey there Humble. I too have joined the ranks of the unemployed & I hate it! Interviewing is such a frustrating exercise too, as you continually have to repeat yourself over & over in a effort to prove how great you are at what you've done & how perfect you would be for them. In other words, do some shameless self promoting & kiss the ass of someone on the other side of the table whom you know is a lot less smarter than you are!
Sadly, I have no website to work on in my spare time or book to promote. I just play on the laptop waiting for the phone to ring and the right offer to come my way. The uncertainty of it all is frustrating & at times , scary. I'm also very bitter at having to prove myself again in the marketplace, after over 17 years in my field.
I had always felt badly for you in your situation, & now I'm living it too. They say everything happens for a reason, I just would like someone to provide that reason for me, with a big cheque to match.
At any rate, thanks for all the laughs Howard & I'll let you know how it turns up....more ints. this week , then I'm heading to Disneyworld for some R&R. I'd love to have a beer with you sometime, your bits have always been a great source of entertainment to me since your arrival here in 89.
All the best to you & the family.
The Senators lost last night and the Anaheim Mighty Ducks are one win away from winning the Stanly Cup.
Happy now Leaf Fans? Is the excruciating jealousy trip just about over?
I hope so.
Some of my very good friends are Leaf Fans and I want this horrible horrible time to finally be finished.
Soon it will be Summer and this nasty Ottawa mess can be a thing of the past and then it will Fall and training camp and the fantasy that This Might Be the Year can begin again.
I can't wait for the first time the Sens come to town and the Leafs beat them and all the Leaf Fans can all say "See, that's how you do it.!"
Then we can all pretend Ottawa never got to the Stanly Cup final at all.
I really have the sense of humour of a ten year-old.
I was searching for the new McCartney single/video and I found this.
It's just so stupid you have to watch and laugh.
That is if your immature like myself.
Enjoy.
This is new single from McCartney new Starbucks release. Very interesting story. He left EMI and is the first artist signed to the new Starbucks lable. Today nearly 6 million coffee customers around the world will hear Paul's new album. Very clever that.
This video/song features the funny guy from the British version of The Office and the very tasty Natalie Portman.
Posted by Humble on June 5, 2007 @ 09:07|Permalink
Not Hysterical, but Not Bad.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he
can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do
you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of
one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the
only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and
says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
party that I made love to on the pool table with all
my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt
with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
your son's teacher."
Posted by Humble on June 4, 2007 @ 18:09|Permalink
Monday Notes. Just some musings and left-overs.
My first meeting today is at 2pm. It's 1:30 and I've just had a shower. You know if I didn't have to get a job some day this is exactly how I'd live. Except for the ever-present fretting.
All morning long, I've been on the phone or on my computer dealing with:
A) LKTYP golf tournament stuff.
B) CIAS stuff.
C) GSIN stuff.
Did I actually accomplish anything?
D) Uh, no not so much.
Spent time harassing board members to sell foursomes, called around for some marketing items for the Air show and found out GSIN (Official plane of HHDotcom) needs a new hydraulic gear motor and power pack. Not good and not cheap.
Today I'm hearing a weird buzzing sound in my office.
"Vzzzzzzzzit. Vzzzzzzzit."
I called Randee in to see if she could hear it and of course it stopped.
"I have finally gone to my happy place," I thought.
Then I heard it again.
"Vzzzzzzzzit. Vzzzzzzit"
Ahah! it was coming from my hard drive. So like a typical guy I slammed my hand down on the top and the "Vzzzzzzzzit" was gone. Problem solved. Take that GeekSquad.
The following was an actual conversation between me and Tucker. He's our little slipper-humping dog and has become the Big Love of our family.
Me: "Who's a good boy? Are you the boy of boys? Yes you are. You're Daddy's boy."
Dog: Blank stare. Yawn. Nut-licking.
Me: "Are you licking your nuts? You are. Yes you're the nut-licking boy of boys. Your Daddy's little nut-licker."
Dog: More stares.
Me: Staring back.
Dog: "Hey dude, you really need to get out of the house earlier in the day!"
I made Gazpacho on the weekend.
It was awesome. I like cold tomato soup mainly cause I like tomatoes. I think I made too much though cause there's still a ton of it left.
Maybe the rest of the family didn't like the Gazpacho as much as this Muchacho.
Maybe I just like saying Gazpahco and Muchacho.
If it were called Cold Tomato Soup it wouldn't be as exotic.
I have to tell you something. I love Power-Washing. I'm serious. Yesterday I borrowed my neighbors Power-washer and for the better part of 5 full hours I power-washed stuff. First 2 old plastic lawn chairs and then my entire wooden fence.
The sound, the power, the results. It's like painting with water.
The chairs came out pristine and the fence looks like it's been stained. I was grinning like an idiot.
I couldn't stop. I didn't want to. I may need a 12-step program.
Power-washing is the crack of household power gadgets.
Paris Hilton is in LA county jail today. Yeah caged heat...yeah girl prison...yeah girl-prison-love.
Sure it seems like that but in reality Paris will be segregated for her safety and have little or no contact with the other girl-prisoners. Damm you prison screws.
The word has gone out to the press that no cameras will be allowed to take pictures of PH in her jail jump suit. Apparently a single shot of her on the inside could be worth $500,000. Hmmm maybe I could smuggle a disposable camera inside a nice bowl of Gazpacho.
Some times it's so hard to be hip. What with taking kids to soccer, worrying over not having a gig and being nearly 60 it's tough to stay up to date on the latest cool thing.
Take the MTV Movie Awards. Didn't watch em. Did you? Here's a quick highlight package.
Sarah Silverman hosted and was crude. And hot.
Jack Nicholoson won for The Departed.
Best fight went to the dude in 300.
Paris Hilton was there and then she went to chick-prison.
Mike Myers won an MTV generation award for his years of movie-making.
Sacha Baron Cohen won best comedic performance for Borat.
Sacha and Will Ferrell won for best kiss and this is the clip everyone at your office will be talking about.
This is why I love YouTube and the dang nabbit internet.
This guy JohnnyOnline is somebody I would have never stumbled upon if I weren't surfing the YouTube like I do. Regularly.
He's some English nit who plays a nice guitar and has a cool style. Check out this cover of Wonderwall and some of his other junk.
Digit.
I've always liked these two dudes. I've interviewed them a couple of times, my favorite being on the Sock show back in the day, when Teller, the quiet one, beat the crap out of the sock. They thought that was BS too.
This is a little P+T primer from their Showtime series Bullsh*t.
Very clever, smart and funny. Like them.
Posted by Humble on June 3, 2007 @ 10:28|Permalink
Be back soon. Today I hope
I've had a pretty full last 24 hours so I won't be putting anything up till around mid-day.
If I get swamped I may have to wait till Saturday.
Get swamped with what you say?
Hey, not having a job is taking up all my time.
Bewell,
h
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