July 2007 Archives

« June 2007 | | August 2007 »

Some thoughts about this and that. And the other thing too.

Okay in no particular order here's a bit of what's been going on around my head lately.

I finally got the GPS from Future Shop. In the end all the whining and being pissed off didn't do much other than not having to re-order the unit. (Apparently this went against FS policy so yah me.)
It's a Garmin Street Pilot C330 and I think a dang good value for the dough. Check it out here if you like.

I had a great time in the Jaw with Ian Thomas and Murry McLauchlin doing our little comedy/music show. I basically came out and did about 15 minutes of my little "act" and then they took over.
Man it was amazing. Not only are they great musicians,(both played piano, guitar, mandolin, harmonica) but they were compelling story-tellers and Ian is as funny as his bro Dave easy.
They put on a 2 hour 45 minute show and they could have kept going. Great guys and very, very talented. Annoyingly so.

It was weird being back in Moose Jaw as always. I visited my family home, which now belongs to someone else and it has been completely renovated inside. As well they put up a garage in the back. It's a MJ thing. Not to mention house prices have increased nearly 40% since we sold the place.
It was especially strange leaving town as I have no idea when I'll ever being going back.

I know a few of you have asked about an announcement I hinted at several weeks ago. It's still a possibility and I will let you know as soon as I can, if and when you'll be able to hear me again.
That's all I can say but as I mentioned earlier, the long, long weekend may finally be coming to an end. Or not!

Category: Random House

Posted by Humble on July 31, 2007 @ 11:06 | Permalink

Nice people checking in.

While I've been out running around pimping my book and flying GSIN some of you have left me some notes.
Thanks people. I appreciate your concern/thoughts/opinions and more are always welcome.
Here's a sample or two from you.

Message: A few random thoughts from Fred E.
I cannot believe it has been a year...it took me a long time to find a new station to listen to. Finally settled on CFNY but not sure my kids should listen to Dean! May have to go back to Andy Barrie (spent the time you were on a.m. days there).
That was quite a shock to hear about Andy. Never met him but sounds like a stand up guy.
I have given up watching new shows until the second season. Got hooked on Studio 60...CANCELLED. Got hooked on Black Donnellys...CANCELLED. Got hooked on Love Monkey last year...CANCELLED.
Berkshire stock actually trades at over 100K USâ ¦Warren created Baby Berkshires for those of us without a lot of idle cash. Each 100K share is convertible into 30 baby shares.
Saw you driving one day...how do you like the Volvo?
I think you should do a slime that companies do. I bet you could have a 3 volume set.

Thanks FredE.

Slime comment from Tina
Message: Hi: I just picked up your book and loved it. It make me realize how incredibly f***** up men are - its enough to make me want to be a lesbian - but of course, my lesbian friends tell me it does not work that way :)
I wanted to send in my own SLIME story - but I have so many that I cannot figure out which to send you - sad, very sad.
Of course, now that I read your book, I want to know when the next 5 are coming out!!!!
Thanks and actually, for a guy - you are somewhat acceptable.

Thanks Tina, I feel somewhat acceptable.

Longtime Pal Ted Nesbitt says,
Message: Miss you on the Toronto airwaves!
I had some station on the other day, and they dragged out an "old" Pennzoil ad---there were your silvery pipes all over it----ahhh, memories.
So, besides this, what is Humble doing with himself these days? I'm still selling equipment and materials to do "signs" in the graphics business, traveling more and more, spending less time in Toronto all the time.
Haven't been back to Moose Jaw in awhile, but it's on the agenda for later this fall.
Thanks for all the great memories I have from you and Freddie on the air over the years. Anything I can ever do for you, let me know---promo stickers, helping out with a golf tournament with signage, you let me know. It's the least I can do for all the laughter (and some grease) you provided yours truly with over the years.

Thanks Ted I miss you on the Toronto Airwaves too.

Category: Comments

Posted by Humble on July 31, 2007 @ 10:53 | Permalink

My big, smarter, Brother, David G checked in recently with some amazing YouTubery.
Thanks DG for the help with the Drivel-fest that is Hhdotcom.
Why not follow Dave's lead and send in your own add-on's to the daily drivel.

Hey Hhdotcom peeps, what up?
I've been on the road for the last 9 days or so and I'm sorry about the absence of drivel. I think we all needed a break.
I'll explain a little more about where and how but first things first.

As soon as I got back Charlie immediately made me start reading the latest Harry Potter book.
She and I have been reading them together since she was 5 or 6 and now she burns through them on her own.
Well she was beside herself when I arrived and made me start reading at once.
Unbelievable. This JK Rowlings knows a thing or two about getting you to turn a page.

In Deathly Hallows, Dumbeldore is dead, Mad Eye gets killed, the Death Eaters are everywhere, the Ministry has fallen, Ron and Hermione are horny for each other, Harry is horny for Ron's sister and Voldemort is still a prick...and I'm only halfway through!
No wonder JK has made a sweet half billion.

Dear Miss Rowlings,
I am a 47 year old boy who loves your stories, would you please adopt me?
I will service your cauldron and let you touch my wand.
It's not just about the money.
Okay it is but it's also about learning and growing together.
Allright it's mostly about the money.
Your's sincerely,
Howie Potter.

The worlds biggest Aviation Expo/Flyin/Airshow.
Thats where I was. My Gino-Brained pal Dave White and I went to OshKosh last week.
This is the penultimate experience for pilots. Pilot porn as my pal DW says, and he's right.
Here's what it's all about.

Here's what it looks like.

-Flew in, planes everywhere, had to abort the landing and go round. Flew in again, more planes, some jet practicing off my left wing, told to land long on green dot, bang the plane down on the runway in one of my worst landings since I started to fly. Head on fire.
-Set up camp, registered, looked around, then tried to drink away memory of horrifying landing.
-Day two: Spent all day looking at planes and chicks and then watched the air show, which was awesome. Found a restaurant, ate with 2 old pilots named Bob, drank more beer, slept.
Day three: Walked around aviation pavilions filled with more pilot porn, didn't drink enough water, got a little heat stroke. Later decided to treat heat stroke by drinking 3 double scotches. Next morning felt fine. If by fine you mean nearly dead.
Day four: Officially tired of doing my business in the port-o-lets. There's only so much OPP I can tolerate. (Other People's Poo.)
Day five: DW and I fall asleep in EAA museum. More walking around, watch the air show again and eat dinner with a half-crazed drunk guy named Bud. Bud keeps yelling,"Don't be shy!" and ordering more beer. Bud pays for dinner. We paid too, trust me.
Day six: Depart after 30 minute wait, fly direct over Huron and Michigan and through some bumpy clouds. Land safely and unpack.

There were a ton of other incidents and observations but you get the idea. It was a week of non-stop laughing, farting, beer drinking, eating TCIC (things covered in cheese) bizarre Americans, showering in a trailer, seeing Morgan Freeman at breakfast, being quizzed by the hostess at the Hilton, walking back to the plane drunk in the rain, more farting and eating.

Greetings Humblevillians. I'm Toronto Mike, the guy who held Humble's hand when he started this blog. I even managed to teach him a little HTML. Before taking over the Humble Howard online empire, I was a fan of a little radio show on CFNY called Humble & Fred.

Humble Howard is alive. I know this because I just spoke to him. For an unemployed dude, he sure vacations a lot. He's somewhere in the states right now doing something or other. I think it involves planes and such.

So don't worry, he'll be back spilling pure hilarity all over these pages before ya know it. In the meantime, you can hit the archives or visit the best site on the web, TorontoMike.com.

Dateline Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
Local boy Howard Glassman, the lonely Jew, came back to his birthcity yesterday and has so far not pissed anyone off.
Papa would be proud.
Last night "Humble" as he used to be called when he was employed, spoke at a reception along with the extremely talented CBC vixon Sheilagh Rogers.(I think that's how she spells her name?)
Anyway, Howie spoke about his little Slime book and all went well.

Then Friday, after waking up early to watch Tiger suck at the British Open, Glassmandingo talked about The Slime at a workshopy kind of thing.
Again people were quite amused and no one threw things.
His appearances have become commonplace in the Friendly City and the locals are no longer horrified at the very sight of him.
Tomorrow more of the same.
Later HhDotcom peeps.

I mentioned I'll be part of The Saskatchewan Festival of Words for the next few days and will be trying to blog a bit from the Jaw.
I've been back a couple of times since my Dad died last October and I'm sure this will a great time sprinkled with a touch or two of sadness.
Last February I was on stage at the big Theatre there with the cast of Corner Gas and this weekend I'll be hosting an event with Murry Mclaughlin and Ian Thomas.
I know my Dad would have loved to have seen me and I know he would have been proud.
Funny, I hadn't done a gig in the area since I appeared at Yuk Yuks in Saskatoon some 20 years ago and now since he died I've had two in my old hometown.
Okay, not funny haha.
Anyway I'll try and drop you a note or two from the thing.
Take care and bewell.
h

Here's a little silly YouTubery for you to suck down and enjoy.
So do it.
(Thanks to Tom from DHL who apparently has no end of these!)

Okay you know what's coming. Tiger's great and Phil sucks donkey-dong.
But it's true!
This past weekend Phil blew another victory by block/hacking it wide on the last hole to lose his lead.
Then he did the same thing in a playoff to lose the tournament.
How many times does he have to do the same thing before he asks himself WWTD?
(What would Tiger do?)
Well Tiger would have pulled out an iron, chopped it down there somewhere, bunted something on the green, made the par and kissed the trophy.
Not Phil.
This is why Phil can't win the British Open and Tiger most likely will.

The other reason is the last four Majors.
Tigers record dating back to the British last year.
Win. Win. Second. Second. He's due for another win.
Also this would be his third British Open in a row and he seems to do well when that kind of stuff is at stake.
So once again Tiger wins, Phil blows.
Good day.

This past week I shot my lowest round in nearly 2 years. I don't have any concrete explanation except:
A) The plane was broke so I hit a few balls and played nearly 5 rounds in about a month.
B) I retain the memory of being a decent player even though I can't always do what I used to.
C) The plane was broke so I blah blah blah.

I went to Wooden Sticks and shot one over, 73. No do-overs, no gimmes, no mulligans.
I've mentioned before that my front nine scores have been decent. 38, 37, 39, etc, but I usually lose focus somewhere on the back nine and crap the bed. My previous best score this year was last week at Bayview where I shot 77.
This round was different and here comes this weeks Easiest Golf Tip Ever.

Play each hole like it was the first hole. Literally.
The reason I was able to keep playing well is that I remembered some advice a certain Mr. Nick Price gave me a few years ago at a skins game.
I had the chance to ask him one question while driving him to the locker room in a cart and so I said, "The hardest thing for amateurs is keeping a good round going. How do you keep going low once you get on a roll?"
He said simply pretend each hole is the first. He went on to explain that on the first hole, your not even par, under par or 7 over. Your just starting and so your attitude is fresh. He said when your playing, especially when you know your playing well, approach every hole as it if was your first.
Interesting?
I thought of that the other day when I was deep into the back nine and only a couple over. Instead of worrying about what score I might shoot and how I knew I was playing well, I just pretended to start over each hole.
I finished, birdie, bogey, birdie for 73.

Try this the next time your playing. Start fresh each hole and see if you don't play better and more importantly keep playing well.

The FutureShop nightmare continues.
Last week I wrote this.
Basically I ordered something from FS online and I'm not getting it. It's a long, bizarre tale involving an out-of-work comic/dj and a big, bloated corporation that has no interest in customer service.
If they did I wouldn't say they sucked ass.
Briefly heres' the deal.

Thursday and Friday of last week I spent more than an hour talking to FS customer service people who informed me that even though they couldn't find the item I ordered I wasn't allowed to get my money back before a trace claim was filed.
I don't give a crap I said. Hows about you just order me up a new item (Cool Garmin Street Pilot C330!) and when you nitwits locate my original item, keep it and I'll keep the new one you send me.
"NO Deal," Says FutureShop. That's not our policy. But if you'd like, you can order and pay for a new one and when we locate your original item we'll credit you in full.
"Suck me," Says I.(I'm paraphrasing.)
Why do I have to give you more money after you've already screwed this thing up in the first place.

Cut to today.
I get a nice call from Canada Post who tell me that they've traced the item, can't find it and are declaring it lost. They'll refund FutureShop. Super.
So I get back on the phone with this dip-shit organization and tell them the Canada Post info and they tell me if I want the item now I have to re-order it.
Squeeze me? I have to order it again. But I already ordered it you idiots. You can plainly see that.

So lets' review.
A)They screwed up.
B)I couldn't get my money back.
C)Now that they're declaring lost...
D)I get my money back and I have to order it again.

Am I high? Why am I working this hard for FutureShop?
Are they daring me to buy it somewhere else?

I have tried and tried to talk to someone in the organization about how ass-backwards this is but I keep being told it's "Our corporate online policy!"
That's quite a policy.
It's the "Customer's an Ass-Wipe and we don't care about them" policy.

I am bored. Pleasantly.
12 months. That's a lot of sleep-ins.
I love my family. They're getting sick of me.
I still can't stay up very late but some nights I'm awake till 11pm!
I used to worry a lot but then that got boring too.
People have stopped asking me what happened and I've started to forget.
I've met a lot of other people that have been fired. Fired people love to tell me that I won't be fired forever. It just feels that way.
Being at home has been fun but I also need to have a place to go sometimes.
When you don't have a job, some people don't call you back anymore. I won't forget them though.
Meth isn't as much fun in month 12. That was a joke just to see if you were still reading.
I hardly listen to the Radio anymore. It sort of bugs me.
I'm not as bitter as I might be but it's something I have to watch it. The meth helps with that.
Finally I hope I'm not a writing a similar entry 12 months from now. That would suck.

"...it has been a year without anything good to listen to each and every morning! I'm still bitter about the whole thing!!!! Can't wait to hear more of you soon Howard.
Hey what happened with that big announcement?!?!"

Posted by: Jackie

"Howard, enjoy your time with your young family. I missed out. Now, I have more time for them but, they have no time for me.(all grown up)Miss you and Fred. I get my fix once in a while and put on #1 in '97.?"

Hey peeps. I'm going to Oshkosh, Wisconsin for the Worlds Biggest Aviation fly-in/expo/air-show.
Yes I am.
It's true. Me and my large-brained friend DW are loading up GSIN and heading South. I will riding flying down with D and his Gigantic-Brain will be flying separately in it's own Corsair Ace.

For 5 days and nights we'll camp out under the wing, check out cool planes, watch cool planes fly and talk flying with other propeller-heads.
DW assures me there will only be emergency spooning if the temperature dips at night. Ugh.
Other than that it should be a very interesting experience.

I will be shutting down Hhdotcom for the most part as of Thursday as I'm off this week to Moose Balls for the Writers Festival thing.
Regular drivel service will resume Monday July 30th. Also by then I should know whether or not I'm going to be getting out of my wife's hair or not.

HhDotcom peeps.
Hello.
I am sorry for the lack of drivel yesterday but I promise the drivel will return.
Later.
This afternoon.
Promise.
Enjoy your drivel-free day til then.
h

Humble on being fired
'My oldest daughter asks if this means I'm going to be a regular dad now'
''Humble'' Howard Glassman, National Post
Published: Saturday, July 22, 2006

''Mornings end for Humble Howard.'' That was the headline in last Saturday's Toronto section of the National Post.

Thanks to my buddy Marc G, I got the heads up on a sweet deal that Future Shop was having on a Garmin Street Pilot GPS. About a hundred dollars or so less than the full pop, so I ordered it.
Paid the extra so I'd get it asap.
Well that hasn't worked out yet.

I called Canada post with my tracking number and they said it was created online and the computer read it but it actually hadn't been shipped.
Then I called Future Shop and spoke to a nice person who told me they can't declare it "lost in shipping" until 4 business days have elapsed.
Huh?? I asked why not check on it's status now but the FS lady told me it may arrive today and it it doesn't I'm supposed to call Friday.
But, I said again, why not check on it now?

This seemed to annoy the nice FS lady who didn't seem to understand why I wasn't getting the fact that it isn't lost in shipping and checkable until day 4.
Forget the fact that I paid for Express Shipping thinking that the thing was supposed to be here Tuesday.
Now I'm working for Future Shop cause I have to call tomorrow to declare a Shipping Emergency.
I tell this to annoyed FS lady and this does little to un-annoy her.

I say isn't it ironic that you can't locate my GPS. Maybe if you had GPS-locater-GPS you would know where it is.
She doesn't see the irony.
Oh well, at least it will give me something to do Friday.
By the way for you people that have been asking...this is what I've been doing now that I have no real job.

I see more people, myself included, screw up a good hole by stubbing/skulling/fatting chip shots around the green.
Nothings worse than hitting 2 good shots on a par 4, your near the green and you stub/fat/top a chip, and end up with 6!
Try TipFromGolfdigest. It's the perfect nerve-beater and will definitely lower your screw ups around the green.

Quick Tip for bad bunker players: NEVER LOOK AT THE BALL.
Most of you know to hit the sand first and follow through, yet the last thing you look at is the ball and thats why you thin it over the green.
Just set up, focus on a spot behind the ball and hit that spot. Forget the ball and you'll stop thinning them into your playing partners heads.

This dude with the funny accent has a pretty good method for getting the ball out of the sand every time. Just remember DON'T LOOK AT THE BALL.

Item #1.
Buy stock in Alpha-Getty. Or Stars or whatever they're called.
My 9 year-old eats a ton of these things and so I'm guessing they're doing okay.
We can't be the only people buying them.
Dang, maybe I should start selling them on the street along with my Pappa Doms.

Item #2.
Pinball Clemmons is the nicest guy on the planet. Seriously. Nicer than the Pope or Ryan Seacrest.
I was driving Charlie home from Soccer practice Saturday morning and I saw the Pinner spreading some soil out in front of his house. He and I have known each other through my various programs for most of the last 17 years but still the greeting he gave me was very touching.
I stopped my car and said something like, "Hey Coach, don't you have some rookies to do that for you!"
Well it was as if I was a long lost family member. He hugged me, laughed, hugged me some more and then invited me and Charlie in to hang with his family.
We said no thanks but it wasn't a hollow invitation. He would have taken us in, fed us, bathed us and tucked us into bed.
He's really a unique human. He has the ability to make everybody he meets feel like his best friend. That's why he is this city's most popular sports guy hands down.
He could be Mayor. Easy.

Item #3.
Charlie finally scored.
I haven't talked much about Charlie's soccer this summer. It's been intense. She has been playing at a much higher level than ever before and it's been interesting to watch.
She made this team in soccer-crazy Oakville and it's practice, conditioning, more practice and games and it's been quite the learning curve.
Well last night she finally scored and man was she beaming. I thought she might cry. I almost did.
She told me later that she was horrified that I might take my shirt off and run onto the field.
I was thinking about it. Then I remembered that I'm a doughy-fat middle-aged guy with graying chest hair and nobody needs to see that.

Item Last.
Golf with my Mother-in-law.
I'm playing with my Mother-in-law today and you know as these things go it won't be too bad.
A) She's got some game.
B) She knows the rules.
C) She plays fast.

That's all I look for in a golfing partner. The only down-side?
She supplies non-stop commentary before, during and after every shot she hits.
I'm not kidding.
"Okay, here's a shot I just have to move it down the fairway-(smack) okay there it goes and I'll be in perfect position and that's fine. I'm just happy to be out"(Etc, etc, etc, etc-seriously etc, etc,)
I'm fine with it though. After all she is the best, most sweet and kind Mother-in-law a guy could hope for.
(and she reads this blog everyday!)

A pill that is being developed to interrupt the receptors in the brain that release dopamine and nullify the effects of nicotine could also be helpful with Alcohol addiction.

Dang it and I thought I could just take a pill to get the booze and eliminated the twice-daily trips to the LCBO.

Billionaire WB sells 572 thousand share of Berkshire stock which nets 2 billion for charities.

Great story of philanthropy but that means Berkshire stock is selling for 3 thousand dollars a share! Nice.
"Uh yes, I'd like to buy 1 share of Berkshire please. Actually I'd like to go half-sies on it."

Item #3 Your Iphone is minutes away from obsolescence.

I read an interesting piece on the weekend about how our gadgetry is being made more and more obsolete. It has to do with something called Moore's Law and the computer chip getting faster exponentially and the associated gunk with it.

Well today I saw a thing about how Apple may be already looking to augment their IPhone with a Nano version a smaller, cheaper model and could help boost sales.
Well that didn't take too long considering the 600 dollar IPhone is only 2 weeks old!
Did all those geeks lining up think that Apple wouldn't be coming out with something smaller and cheaper by the time they all got their Visa bills?
I'm waiting until the IPhone is free with a 3 year plan.

Hi Tucker here. Yes that's me giving one of my "Bitches" the business. Yeah and business is good.
I've decided to liven up the pages of HhDotcom with a little Canine comedy from time to time and give my owner a break.
Here goes.

Tucker's Diary.

7:30am. Woke up with a raging boner, stretched and ran upstairs to see my humans.
7:31am. Frollick on bed with little girl owners and older women owner. Ignore man-owner until he feeds me. (Oh yeah lick my dinky and sphincty areas vigorously and repeatedly. Wonder why man-owner doesn't let me lick his face.)
7:45am. Outside for poops and pees and then back in for some food. Sit on man-owners newspaper, get ready for nap.
8:00am. Nap in cage.
8:45am. Nap on couch.
9:33am.Stretch, lick privates, yawn, resume napping.
10 am. Find slippers, toss around and then hump them like there's no tomorrow.
10:15 till bedtime. Nap some, eat some, lick some and look out the window.

Well that's about all I have time for today. Learning to use this computer has taken a lot out of me so I'd-------
Hey what was that? Was that my girl-owners coming home from swimming? Gotta go get all excited and jump up and lick them.
Followed of course by a nap.

How bizarre is this story.
A 13 year old convinces here 23 year old boyfriend to kill her entire family.
Actually she was just 12 when her boyfriend killed her mom and dad and 8 year old brother.

Excuse me?
How did that happen in the sleepy little town of Medicine Hat Alberta?
Don't we always assume that this aberrant behavior only takes place in Butt Hole Alabama?
Well it happened on our Prairies and it's just sickening.

Made all the more sickening in that she will just get 6 years in jail minus time already served.
I don't get that. I know she's being charged in some convoluted young offenders way and is being given a slide for testifying against the ass who killed her family, but isn't there some way to ensure that she does more than 6 freaking years.
Check out the article and tell me why she will be free and clear in less than 5 years.

I was checking out The Boon today. He's been away for a few days so I thought I'd better catch up.
He's ranting about some slow-pitch pitcher who won't show up for games, some Leaf bit and some sweet pics of his kids on vacation. But this item caught my eye.
It's about all the crap Avril Lavigne has been taking over song stealing. First from Chantal Kreviazuk
and now from some 70's band called The Rubinoos.
Frankly I'm not seeing it.
Have a look.

I have been keeping an eye on this Friday the 13th day for a while. It will be the one year anniversary of my being fired.
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, time flies when your not intro-ing Nickleback for the 4000th time.

One year of staying up till 11!
One year of no show-prep.
One year of sleeping in.
I'm ready for it to be over and as I hinted a few weeks ago the Longest Weekend Ever may be coming to an end.
I'll keep you postered.
(Yes "postered", one of the many Randee-isms.)

Poop pump down, I repeat the poop pump is pooched.
(Actually I meant to write "Pool pump down, I repeat the Pool pump is pooched, but I think poop pump is funnier.)
My 1Hp Hayward is overheating and shutting itself down which apparently is a sure sign that the motor needs replacing. The pool company that I will not name(Rhymes with Pioneer) doesn't repair them and in fact recommends replacing them instead. No kidding.
Anyone who has a pool knows it's all the after market gunk you buy where all these pool companies really make their dough.
I rarely leave the pool store having spent less than 30 bucks.

To be fair to The Pool Company, I've done some research and it is about time for a new pump.
I mean who doesn't want a new pump once in a while? Sure the old Pump is good and reliable and knows exactly how to turn you on and off but a New Pump is well New.
Okay what am I talking about again?

Saw Die Harder with Bruce Willis and the Apple commercial guy (Justin something) and it was good. It wasn't Reservoir Dogs but it was better than Die Hard 3. That's gotta count for something.

Saw Nancy Drew with uh some actors. I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't suck and make me want to vomit like a lot of these live action kid-flicks. (Narnia, Spy Kids etc.) I dug Nancy and her pal Ned and their adventures in Sleuthing and if you have age-appropriate kids do this flick.

Saw another episode of Entourage last night. I have mentioned from time to time it's one of my PVR choices and it is only getting better. Jeremy Piven is the man and last night Canuck Maury Chaykin was guesting and the whole thing was good. Check it out on TMN and go get the DVD's to catch up.

Also saw another episode of my new fav The Flight of the Conchords. I've mentioned this New Zealand comedy duo before and the show is very funny.
Once again a little taste of these dudes.
Enjoy.

KJ Choi can flat out play. He won the Memorial,(Jacks Tourney) and now he's won The AT+T(Tiger's Tourney). The dude has got some mean game, and he looks like he could give you a good ass-whooping too if you made him mad.

I watched some of this unfold yesterday with my Brother Steve.(You know the one who's sworn to never hiring me!)
It was a pretty good afternoon of Golf considering that Tiger was sucking (finished T6) and a guy most of you don't know, (KJ) was leading. (BTW. Note to CBS, never let KJ talk for that long again, it was painful.)

I dug it cause Weirsy was starting to play well again. Swing changes and shite putting have kept him from contending for a few years but yesterday you could see that spark again.
I've been told from some people who know him that he is hitting it awesome and is ready to win again. You could see it yesterday. Even though he pooped the bed coming in and went from a lock T3 to a crappy T8, it's the highest finish he's had this year. Good on him cause he's about the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet.

Also this good play of late makes it even easier for Gary Player to make him a Captains-pick for the International squad at this Falls President's Cup being played in Montreal.
Actually Mike would have to have broken at least one or two limbs for Gary not to pick him, but it's nice that he's starting to play better.
KJ Choi will be on his team as well and if the Americans aren't careful they'll be in for another ass-kick like they got at The Ryder Cup.

Farts are funny. Yes they are.
Don't argue with me,they are the truly universal humour.
People from all lands fart and laugh and laugh and fart and if Bono organized a Planet-Wide Fart Festival, maybe there would finally be the World Peace we all seek.
Having said that have a look at this commercial.
Thanks to Thom Roberts for the content boost.

My 9 year old has started calling me Howard.
"Howard," She'll say, "Can we go to Nancy Drew today?"
"Howard, can you teach me an E chord on the guitar?"

"Spencer stop calling me Howard."
"Okay Howard."
And so it goes. She and I are going to see Nancy Drew today and then tonight I'm going to take in Die Hard 4.

Speaking of movies Ben Kingsly, one of my favorite actor types, is staring in a new flick called You Kill Me.
It's about a mob hit man that has to go into rehab so that he can get back into the business of killing people. Supposed to be very funny.
Here's the Trailer.

Hmmm, maybe I'll see this before Die Hard or instead of Nancy Drew.
"Howard, what's a Hit Man?"

I'm also taking Charlie and her pals to a mall. That's what I do. I drive girls to place and then give them money. I've said this before, at this stage of parent-hood I'm like a mobile ATM machine.
Drive, stop, dispense money.

The end of the innocence.
Last night I came home and Charlie had lost her last baby tooth.
I said can we skip the Tooth Fairy thing and I'll just give you ten bucks.
She looked at me with those sweet brown eyes and for a moment I thought she was crushed that we were no longer going to put the money under her pillow in place of her tooth.
Then I realized that it was the "Only Ten Bucks" look.

My wife Randee turned me onto this site filled with Jewish humour. Dang those Hebrews are sure funny.
It's called Jewlarious.com and it's full of Jew-centric jokes, video's and more.
Here's an example of some of the ha ha's.

Two non-Jewish men meet each other on the street. The first one says, "Good morning Luke. You own your own business don't you? How's it going?"
Luke responds, "Just great. Thanks for asking."

If you don't get that have one of your Jewish friends explain it to you.
Hey, I'm one of your Jewish friends so I'll do it for you.
You see in the joke it's two "Non-Jews" who own their own business and when asked they say business is good. If it were two "Jewish" business people, there would be no end of complaining.
Ha ha. It's Jew-riffic!

I had a request to throw down some more golf-drivel and I will happily comply.
Todays Easiest Golf Tip.
Tempo.

Seriously the quickest way to wreck your swing is to do it to quickly. All sorts of bad things happen when you swing fast.
A)Your natural coordination vanishes.
B)You can't square the club face or your close it down.
C)You actually generate less club-head speed and the ball goes shorter not longer.

Slow it down.
How slow?
Slower than you can ever imagine swinging.
Contact equals distance and good contact come from coordination and that only happens when you take your time.

I promise when your playing this weekend if you feel almost as if your swinging at half-speed you'll be surprised at how far the ball goes.

This is somewhat amusing and perfect for some Friday viewing.
He's the inappropriate Yoga Guy.
I'm not saying I've seen this type of dude in a class that I've been to but he is kind of familiar.
Wait a minute. Maybe I'm the inappropriate Yoga Guy.

I have to apologize but it's been too busy in my little world to pass on much HhDotcom drivel.
The last couple of days have been about average in terms of Drivel-Output, (I try for around 4 entries a day) but today and Friday will be weaker.

Today I've been invited to play in a Mens Member-guest golf thing at my pal Fraser's golf joint.
These things are a lot of fun but the practice round and dinner were yesterday and I woke up too late to pump-drivel and today the real round is on and I have to be there for breakfast.
So the drivel output is going to suffer.

I am also working on some things and may have a cool announcement for you HhDotcom regular readers in the next couple of weeks or so.
Who knows, the long weekend may finally be coming to an end!
Adios muchachos.
h

This is like a real thing. It's called the Saskatchewan Festival of Words and it's coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm booked.
I was sure they would have second thoughts and un-book me at some point but it's apparently going on and I'm part of it.
Noah Richler, (Mordecai's kid) Ian Thomas, (Dave's brother) and Murray McLaughlin(Straw hats and old dirty hankies!) will all be part of this event.
Also CBC's Shelagh Rogers will be there and is going to have to introduce me at one of the presentations. Neato. I can just imagine how that conversation will go.
"Hi Shelagh I'm Howard Glassman, I use to be on the Radio in Toronto too."
"Hi Howard, I've never heard of you, were you working Air Traffic Control?"

At any rate I'm thrilled to be going to back the The Jaw for something of the non-maudlin variety.
I just hope these Festival people don't discover what a huge mistake they've made and rough me up.
Check out the whole line-up here.

I'm hosting a big Gala with Murray and Ian and one of the organizers wrote this note yesterday.

Hi Mr. Glassman:
I am finalizing the details for the Saturday night (July 21) performance
at the Festival of Words. I don't have a contract rider for you and I
was wondering if you have any food or drink requests (other than bottled
water) that you would like us to have for you for your performance?

Yes I will need my own dressing room with black drapes on the wall.
4 sacks of baking flour.
2 bottles of Tequila and a carton of chocolate milk.
1 suckling pig, 1 non-suckling.
1 French hen, 2 turtle doves.
A slinky.
An etch-a-sketch.
A blow up doll and a package of red hots.

Having kids changes everybody. Even Tiger.
Even though he is my favorite sports-team, I'd be the first to tell you he's the worst interview in the game. Kinda like Gretsky was when he played . So guarded they never really reveal anything.
Apparently Daddy-hood has softened that a bit.

In an article this morning the reporter said it was a gentler, more revealing TW than before.
Sleep deprivation can do that to you.
Interesting stuff, including the revelation that Tigers wife was in the hospital with complications during the U.S. Open and where exactly the name "Sam" comes from.
Suck it down here.

I first saw this thanks to my buddy Jeff Lumby a couple of weeks ago and then forgot about it.
Today my pal Thom Roberts sent me this and I wanted to share it with you.
Funny little Bud Lite Swear Jar thing.
Enjoy.

This long weekend feels likes it's been going on for a year. Wait a minute it has.

Did I miss the whole Prince's thing at Wembley? Should I care?
Did you see it? Do you care?
I loved Diana and fantasized about her touching my Royal Septer as much as the next guy, but I must admit I forgot all about the Concert and Tribute.
Maybe next time.

I was busy this past weekend with non-stop peeps at the house. It's fun to have peeps at the house as long those peeps don't peep in the pool.

Friday played golf-not bad-hung out at pool after.
Saturday, Cleaned pool, swam, hung out, had people over, drank Tequilla.
(Did you know that Tequilla makes your face numb? It does so.)
Sunday, hung out, had people over, swam, only drank coffee(face still numb from night before)
I may have told you this before, but that pool was the best money we ever spent.

DW and I were supposed to fly Sunday after the plane being in the shop for a month but when we got there some gas was leaking out of an access panel on the wing.
Not good.
Once we were in the air the fuel would have been sucked out and we'd be looking for a field.
Also not good.

In the last 4 weeks of not-flying I've been golfing a little more. Actually more than I have in the last couple of years and I've enjoyed it.
I found that I'm still in love with Golf I just don't want to be married to it anymore. Last time it broke my heart and crapped in the hole and I'm not ready to devote myself to it again.
Having said that I was on the range of a course this morning at 7:45 for an 8am lesson and then spent 3 hours hitting balls.
Okay maybe I'm not ready to marry golf again but I would like to bone it every so often.
Truthfully the whole marriage/golf/screwing metaphor is making me dizzy.

Some nice comments in response to this little entry about my last day on the Mix.

I sure hope it's not another year off for you. You need to be on the radio ane I need to hear you.
Happy Canada Day to you and your family.
Posted by: james edgar

We need to have you on the radio. Of course when you get another radio gig, please promise you’ll continue this blog. Have a great holiday weekend!
Posted by: Roger

..There's always the porn industry...
Posted by: Brenda's Boyfriend from Cambridge

Hey Time Wasters.
Here's some bizarre YouTubery to help you while away the day.
Enjoy.
Just a note, it's pretty weird and then its get funny and then weird again.

I'm up and out early so the new drivel won't be arriving until mid-day.
Check back three, four, five times a day for new HhDotcom content.
Hope you had a great long weekend.
h

Twitter Updates

Search

Monthly Archives

Sites I Like

July 2007 Archives