Through a series of mysterious back-room dealings reminiscent of the Holllinger fiasco that Conrad Black engineered, I'm going to coach soccer again.
I can't explain exactly how this happened, but it involves my pal Marc G and the need to drink beer on Monday nights.
Anyway its indoors and it's more like hockey with a soccer ball. 5 players and a goalie and it involves lots of scoring. After the games beer may be consumed.
To introduce myself and co-coach Marc I sent the following letter to my team. So far no response.
Hello Team Gold.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Coach Howard. Along with Coach Marc we will be guiding Team Gold this indoor soccer season.
We are two Coaches who expect the most from our players when it comes to playing soccer and having fun. Mostly having fun.
Winning isn't everything to us, the end of the year coaches gift is.
Our experience is limited but our enthusiasm is boundless. Mostly we like to get out of the house on Monday nights and
this worked out perfectly.
We expect the following.
1) Show up on time for games.
2) Call us Coach Howard or Coach Marc. We will both answer to either. You can also call me Super Coach or Mr Howard.
3) Win every game by at least 3 goals.
4) Never question anything we do even if we pull the goalie.
5) On the bench:No talking, no singing, no spitting and no cursing. No eating either unless you've brought enough for everyone.
6) When the game is over we will sing our Team Gold fight song and shake hands. Dancing is optional.
That is all.
Our first game is (Edited to prevent creepiness!)...if you could show up 15 minutes early to receive your sweaters that would be great. Those who are late will miss my emotional, pre-game speech. Trust me it will be inspirational. There may be crying.
Looking forward to a great Fall indoor-soccer season,
All the best,
Super Coach Mr. Howard.
Category: Soccer Coaching
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