Happy Valentimes Day.

Isn't that what we used to say as kids.
Happy Valen-"Times" day.
I have three women in my life that own my heart. Randee, Charlie and Spencer. Yes they all have boys names and vagines.
Like most guys I will wait till the last minute and run out to Dominion, grab a few cards, a rose or three and run home to greet my gals.
Tonight we'll do the V-Day dinner together. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I thought you might like to read some of my Valentines thing I wrote for the CBC Radio show that just ran.

ST.VALENTINE WAS THE ORIGINAL MAN LOOKING FOR SOME WAY TO WOO WOMEN AND LIKE THE REST OF US HE NEEDED THE HELP OF A PRE-WRITTEN CARD, SOME CHOCOLATE AND A BOUQUET OF 60 DOLLAR ROSES THAT WERE JUST 15.95 A MERE 24 HOURS BEFORE.

VALENTINE’S DAY A ROMANTIC ROAD MAP FOR MEN AND YOU KNOW HOW WE LOVE ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS… BUT ONCE A YEAR WE’LL PULL OVER, ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW AND SAY TO CUPID,”HEY LITTLE FAT DUDE WITH THE BOW, I’M LOST… HOW THE HELL DO I GET TO THE CORNER OF LOVE AND ROMANCE OR AT LEAST GET LAID!”

MEN ARE CLUELESS RIGHT FROM THE START, MY 13 YEAR OLD HAD A LITTLE BOYFRIEND LAST YEAR..HE KNEW NOTHING…THEY BARELY SPOKE, HARDLY ACKNOWLEDGED EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC , NEVER HAD SEX AND ONLY COMMUNICATED BY TEXTING ON MSN… I THOUGHT WHAT A ROMANTIC LOSER..THEN I REALIZED “HEY THEY COULD HAVE BEEN MARRIED!”

IT’S ABOUT EXPECTATION AND FULFILLMENT.
WOMEN EXPECT US TO DO SOMETHING AND WE EXPECT THAT IF WE DO,
AT LEAST WE WON’T BE GANG-SHUNNED FOR NOT FULFILLING OUR VALENTINES DAY DUTIES.
IT’S LIKE THOSE PEOPLE WHO HOST A PARTY AND SAY “OH DON’T BRING A THING”
TRY SHOWING UP WITH OUT A BOTTLE OF WINE OR SOMETHING AND SEE WHAT AN ASS EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE.
NO VALENTINE PRESENT IS LIKE THAT ONLY TIMES A THOUSAND.

HEY IF YOU WANT TO BE THE GUY THAT SAYS “OH SORRY HONEY I THINK THAT VALENTINES THING IS TOO CRASS AND COMMERCIAL AND THEREFORE I’LL BE GIVING YOU NOTHING THIS YEAR!”
WELL GOOD ON YOU MATE. ENJOY LIFE ON NEVER-GETTING-LAID-ISLAND.

IT’LL BE QUIET JUST YOU, THE DUDE THAT BROUGHT NO WINE AND THAT OTHER WEIRD GUY THAT ALWAYS GIVES PEOPLE SOMETHING HE MADE FOR CHRISTMAS.

Speaking of Radio. For those H+F fans who are still around, Mike Boon has posted the PodCast of Love. Maybe this is what you really need to warm your Valentimes Heart today.