It was a Saturday in early May that Fred and I got together with some old friends, a few fans and a couple of people that had no idea why they were there-pretty much the same formula for success we've always had- and put on a little show.
The podcast is finally up and we hope you enjoy it. We certainly had fun getting together performing it.
Click on the player above to partake in the ribald hilarity that is the H+F experience.
Encourage your friends to do the same.
Why did we do it?
The answer is in an old story my brother David told me.
PT Barnum approached a young man who's job in the circus was to walk behind the elephants and sweep up the shit. The young man was bright, educated and seemingly had all kind of skills beyond his current job.
Barnum asked the shit-sweeper why he did this gig when he was obviously qualified for other work and the young man answered, "What and leave show-business?"
Thanks to Dan Duran for all his work and editing and producing and Dan Duraning.
Thanks to Mike Boon for all his promo and encouragement.
Thanks to Ric Randmaa for his videoing and band-width sharing.
And thanks to Fred for still wanting to walk with me behind the elephant from time to time.
Tonight on MenTV it's finally time for everyone's soon-to-be-favorite Guy Game Show...ManUP Canada.
Well it only sort of a game show. It's actually only pretending. It's really just an excuse to see how stupid guys will act for the chance to be on TV and win very nominal prizes while a parade of scantily clad young women walk in and out of the shot.
Yes like the Man Show with stunts and questions.
We shot the first season last Fall and now it begins it's run at 9:30 on a channel that we all hope you'll come to know and love-MenTV. Yes I understand most of you don't have it (I just signed up for it myself!) but this might be a good reason to check out the channel.
If not, no sweat, it'll be on SunTV in little while. Here's a little sneak peak.
I'm on Xmas vacations for another couple of days and back at the Morning gig and more starting Monday.
In the meantime this little bit came out today in the Globe and Mail about me and my driving hi-jinks.
A pretty good bit about why I have a Volvo and how I've had a moving violation without actually being in the car.
He's a radio personality with a huge following dating back decades.
Howard Glassman, better known as Humble Howard, now hosts a morning show on Toronto's 97.3 EZ Rock. He bounced back after being fired from another radio gig a few years ago. Back then, Glassman had a meltdown and took it out on his car. He dumped his BMW 325i for a 2006 Volvo S40 sedan.
Read the rest here and then come back.
Who throws a shoe for crissake? I mean it's hi-larious and weird and so "President Bush!"
That stuff seems to be so perfect for him and unfortunately will be part of his over-all legacy along with screwing up the economy and not finding WMD's,
But really...a freakin shoe!
I guess that's a really bad insult in Iraq. Like the worst thing you can do is hurl your foot-ware as some dude. I guess it beats the American tradition of hurling bullets at someone who you think has wronged you.
We need something like that here in Canada. Like if someone's pissed you off you throw a beaver at them. Or the very least a gopher or a puck.
Hey check out the pub on ManUp...our first bit of press. A tidy little piece written by a sun staffer who participated on the show as one of the contestants. He was a good sport but me and the other producer were horrified when during a little stunt called Duck Tape Circus Clown an 8 foot 2x4 bashed this kid on the head. Anyway other than little bump, no harm no foul and he gave us a good review. Check it out here.
It's been a super busy week but I haven't forgotten about you people completely.
How ya been?
Freakin' over the market and the end of our economy as we know it?
Me too.
I always look to The Buffet for advice on these matters...you know the buy and hold dude.
Have a look at this gold from the NY Times. I love this bat-shit crazy old man.
Buy American. I Am.
By WARREN E. BUFFETT
THE financial world is a mess, both in the United States and abroad. Its problems, moreover, have been leaking into the general economy, and the leaks are now turning into a gusher. In the near term, unemployment will rise, business activity will falter and headlines will continue to be scary.
So ... I've been buying American stocks. This is my personal account I'm talking about, in which I previously owned nothing but United States government bonds. (This description leaves aside my Berkshire Hathaway holdings, which are all committed to philanthropy.) If prices keep looking attractive, my non-Berkshire net worth will soon be 100 percent in United States equities.
Why?
A simple rule dictates my buying: Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful. And most certainly, fear is now widespread, gripping even seasoned investors. To be sure, investors are right to be wary of highly leveraged entities or businesses in weak competitive positions. But fears regarding the long-term prosperity of the nation's many sound companies make no sense. These businesses will indeed suffer earnings hiccups, as they always have. But most major companies will be setting new profit records 5, 10 and 20 years from now.
Let me be clear on one point: I can't predict the short-term movements of the stock market. I haven't the faintest idea as to whether stocks will be higher or lower a month -- or a year -- from now. What is likely, however, is that the market will move higher, perhaps substantially so, well before either sentiment or the economy turns up. So if you wait for the robins, spring will be over.
A little history here: During the Depression, the Dow hit its low, 41, on July 8, 1932. Economic conditions, though, kept deteriorating until Franklin D. Roosevelt took office in March 1933. By that time, the market had already advanced 30 percent. Or think back to the early days of World War II, when things were going badly for the United States in Europe and the Pacific. The market hit bottom in April 1942, well before Allied fortunes turned. Again, in the early 1980s, the time to buy stocks was when inflation raged and the economy was in the tank. In short, bad news is an investor's best friend. It lets you buy a slice of America's future at a marked-down price.
Over the long term, the stock market news will be good. In the 20th century, the United States endured two world wars and other traumatic and expensive military conflicts; the Depression; a dozen or so recessions and financial panics; oil shocks; a flu epidemic; and the resignation of a disgraced president. Yet the Dow rose from 66 to 11,497.
You might think it would have been impossible for an investor to lose money during a century marked by such an extraordinary gain. But some investors did. The hapless ones bought stocks only when they felt comfort in doing so and then proceeded to sell when the headlines made them queasy.
Today people who hold cash equivalents feel comfortable. They shouldn't. They have opted for a terrible long-term asset, one that pays virtually nothing and is certain to depreciate in value. Indeed, the policies that government will follow in its efforts to alleviate the current crisis will probably prove inflationary and therefore accelerate declines in the real value of cash accounts.
Equities will almost certainly outperform cash over the next decade, probably by a substantial degree. Those investors who cling now to cash are betting they can efficiently time their move away from it later. In waiting for the comfort of good news, they are ignoring Wayne Gretzky's advice: "I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been."
I don't like to opine on the stock market, and again I emphasize that I have no idea what the market will do in the short term. Nevertheless, I'll follow the lead of a restaurant that opened in an empty bank building and then advertised: "Put your mouth where your money was." Today my money and my mouth both say equities.
Posted by Humble on October 18, 2008 @ 20:42|Permalink
Vagenius Tina Fey is back on SNL
I grabbed this from the NBC site in case you missed my girl friend and Vagenius Tina Fey doing the opening of SNL this past weekend.
She does a wicked Sarah Palin. First she looks like her and she's got the Hockey Mom accent down pat.
Very well written too, which makes me think she helped pen this bit as well.
The video was yanked from YouTube so that's why it all NBCy.
Enjoy.
...many of you will already know that Fred has a gig.
It's been over 3 years since he was fired and now he is back in the game as PD of a couple of stations in Peterborough. Good on you Fredrick...good for you and way to go.
We've both been through a lot these past 2/3 years, not to mention these past nearly 20 years together. I'm thrilled that the right people finally returned his calls and now he'll be embarking on the next phase of his already wildly successful career.
He deserves it.
He's a smart, good and decent guy and those people at in Peterborough have no idea how lucky they are to have the Fred man in their building.
I also have no doubt he'll make a great PD. We've both worked for guys who knew way less about Radio than him and they did just fine.
I've congratulated him in person and now I'm doing it here.
Congrats PD Poopy-Pants.
Yep. No shite.
Just like one of the one's you see that causes a huge backup on the highway.
"What happened?"
Well officer I was traveling East-bound in lane number 1 (fast lane) of the QEW when traffic came to an abrupt and sudden stop. I applied my brakes and all forward activity ceased. A second later I was smashed from behind by a car who's forward activity only ceased after it hit me.
I was okay, cept for some minor whiplash, the car in front of me had no damage and the car that hit me and my back bumper were going to need some work.
All of a sudden there were OPP and tow trucks and it's a whole scene. (Actually both are Chick cops, one quite cute one too. Hello Officer CuteCop!)
It's immediately weird. Everyone on the scene is having a Humble Howard moment.
The girl that hit me is all,"Hey you're that guy on 99.9?" (Uh, no not so much.)
Officer CuteCop says, "If you're okay, I'll have to ask you a couple of questions. What happened? How come you're not on the Radio anymore?(Patience.)
It's all a bit surreal.
We're all uninjured and we drive/tow our little accident circus off to the shoulder and then over to a gas station.
Want to know the most bizarre thing? The girl that hit me was driving a vehicle from the Volvo dealership that services my car! I'm not crapping ya.
The owner shows up and he couldn't have been nicer. (Also a H+F fan.)
Later I show up at the dealership and forget renting some shite car, he gives me some sweet xc70-mobile. They take care of everything and it's all easy-peasy.
Actually outside of a sore neck it was a fairly pleasant experience with a bunch of people who seemed to like my old Radio show ("Hows Freddie?") and wouldn't mind hearing me on the Radio again.(me too.)
I had a funny moment at the side of the QEW with the other lady Cop. She says, "Thanks for not being such an actor!"
Say what?
She explained that it was nice that since I wasn't injured I didn't "Act" like I was.
For some reason I thought she meant she'd seen some of my work(Degrassi, Instant Star, Ed's Night Party) and was commenting on my naturalness in front of the camera!
He was Tiger before Tiger. He is the last guy to be #1 in the world for any length of time.
He is 53 years old.
WTF?
I use to watch Greg Norman a lot back in the day. He either won easily or lost spectacularly but he was never boring to watch.
In 1986 he led all four majors going into the last round and won only the British Open. He is a hall of famer who most golf observers would say had a disappointing career in the majors.
Never won the US Open, The PGA or The Masters.
Ah yes The Masters.
The last time Greg Norman contended in a major was the 1996 Masters. Probably the most heart-wrenching golf event I or anyone else had ever witnessed for it's sheer pathos.
He led by 6 going into Sunday and melted down hole by hole...ended up shooting 78 and lost to Nick Faldo.
That was the end. That was his swang song. Too bad considering he'd been the Man for over a decade and after that a new Man would take over for the next 10 years.
Now this.
Tigers is out for the year and the most compelling story in sport is about to unfold today. If Greg Norman can hang on he'll be the oldest player to win a major by 5 years.
He's the new/old Man. He's got a new bride, he's in better shape than most 33 year olds and he's been here before. Which is both a good and bad thing. With Norman you never know, he could win it easily or let it slip away, but one thing it won't be is boring.
I know I'll be watching and cheering for him. Again.
Yes I know there hasn't been a lot going on here lately and when I have posted it's been a Tiger-Fest.
So here some OPC from my pal Michael K.
I don't know about you but I love a good sheep joke.
Voted the best joke in Australia
Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife, lying in bed replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
Charlie replies:
"I think you'll find that I was not speaking to you."
An Athlete said something stupid. Wow, that never happens!
Even Tiger Woods.
Considering the sheer ton of press this dude gets, and the amount of questions he has to answer, this was pretty mild. I mean haven't we all heard, baseball, football, basketball and yes, even hockey players trip up from time to time?
SAN DIEGO -- Tiger Woods admitted yesterday he's had to keep his head up ever since he slammed hockey a week ago, suggesting nobody watches it anymore.
"Oh yeah, I've gotten a lot of grief over that," smiled Woods yesterday, backpedalling somewhat after a fallout that included angry responses from hockey fans and commentators north of the border.
"I love the sport. I love watching it, but I don't like watching it on TV," Woods said. "In person, it's absolutely incredible what they're able to do. TV doesn't do justice to that. But then, a lot of sports are the same way.
"It is what it is. I said what I said and I was trying to be funny about it, but people didn't perceive it that way."
Forget the Leafs new coach, this is the real Hockey News...
The Hockey Night in Canada theme goes to.....CTV!
It's been saved and now our country will be free once again to pay too much for gas and drink weak coffee form Hortons. (Good sangwhiches though.)
Strange what ignites a passionate debate in this land. This theme has found a new home and there is relief amongst us all.
I love the theme. Back in the old 90's Fred and I used to play it as a background while singing happy birthday to people.
I also love the fact that this nice old women and her copyright lawyer outsmarted the CBC and got a nice little payday. Although it sounds to me like they were never in big hurry to sign with the corp and maybe were just waiting to see if CTV stepped up. And they did. "Throughout our negotiations, CTV displayed a tremendous amount of respect for my family and the song," said Claman, an 80-year-old Vancouver native who now lives in England, said in a statement. " 'The Hockey Theme' means so much to Canadians, and we know it's in good hands with CTV."
But maybe the CBC will have the last laugh.
Moore said he applauded CTV for saving the song – both altruistically, because he believes it deserved to be saved, and selfishly.
"The song is going to be forever associated with Hockey Night in Canada and CBC. So I think CTV, in many ways, was smart to pick it up, but every time it's played, people are going to think of our broadcast on Saturday night."
No kidding.
Here's a version played simply on some crap-organ.
It's a Hockey Town, plain and simple. Very simple.
Prodigal Leaf returns
The front page of the Star says it all. The Front Page!
Forget gas price, the crappy housing market, the latest senseless military death...forget all of it. The Maple Leafs have hired a new head coach
Ron Wilson and that my friends is front page news this 9th of June 2008.
Wow.
This should tell you all you need to know about this town when it comes to sport. The Euro soccer thingy, the Blue Jays, the NBA playoffs, the U.S. Open, forget all of it. The only thing that matters is the Leafs and this is big Leaf news.
My joby job prevents me from listening to a lot of local Radio after 9am, but I'm sure this will be topic one on the Fan, Old Mojo and bits of RB. And why not, after all this has huge meaning for fans of the Hockey Club. Why this new coach might actually be able to help them get to the playoffs.
Yes hope springs eternal for Leaf Fans, even this late in the Spring.
Posted by Humble on June 9, 2008 @ 10:36|Permalink
Red Wings win again. Why is that?
I admit that I'm not a big hockey fan. Although I played it a level that would probably surprise a lot of you, I've just never been a big watcher of the game. Cept when I was a kid and Bobby Orr was my Tiger Woods.
Anyway, just a question. Why Detroit? And by extension, Why not Toronto.
Just wondering.
FYI. Apparently this win ties Detroit with Toronto for second most Stanly Cup wins.
One of my best mates, Lou Schizas, told me the story of this incredible kid Jack Yeilding, who decided to do something for others and make a difference. (Much like Lou does!)
While I was away Jack opened up his second annual Lemonade Stand for Sick Kids and did more for other sick kids like himself.
It's quite the story. More than 1,000 people attended five-year-old Jack Yeilding's second annual Jack's Lemonade stand fundraiser for Sick Kids Saturday -- and he raised more than $45,000.
"The grand total is in....$45,147! Our family is just so overwhelmed by the love and generosity of the community," said Jack's mom Jodi Yeilding. Read the rest here.
Have a look at the video.
Posted by Humble on June 3, 2008 @ 08:26|Permalink
Hola Amigos y Amigas.
I love Mexico. Always have.
This time was no exception.
Fun-Family-Fiesta.
It's about the 10th or so time I've been down there and I always have a good experience.
Yes I was staying in a resort and had limited exposure to the "real" Mexico but I've also spent a lot of time in Mexico city and other parts and I have nothing but good things to say about the people.
They are a fine, friendly, engaging lot who seem to genuinely enjoy the fact that your visiting and spending money in their land.
I know Mexico has had a few bad raps in the last few years and there are a lot of people who would never go there or go back, but I've always been lucky and I've had nothing but great experiences.
Having said that, I'm glad to be home. One can only drink so much Tequila and Cervasa and one can only eat so many "Spanish things made with ham!" The Mexican love their Pork and so do we Oakville Hebrews but I'm all hammed-out.
Other than...good times. Here's some highlights.
Day 1-2. Plane lands. Start drinking beer at 9:30 in the morning on the bus from Airport to the resort.
Resort is awesome, best I've ever stayed in.
Everyone in the family cept Momma gets ridiculous sun-burn. (Apparently the sun is quite hot down there and get this, being in the water for 9 straight hours or so actually accentuates the suns rays! Did you know that?)
Strange dichotomy rears it's ugly head. I'm looking at hot chicks in bikinis while trying to avoid being caught by my wife at the same time young men are staring at my 13 and a half year old daughter and I'm trying glare them away. My head is literally spinning off it's meager hinges.
Day 3.
Pick up stomach bug. Charlie and me get Montazuma's Revenge for 24 hours. Me not so bad-managed to drink through it..Charlie-very bad but recovered quite nicely in time to...
Throw up....
....from sea sickness. She and I went Scuba diving but it was a day that featured the biggest waves I've ever been in a boat in, uh on. Whatever. They were fantastic. Up and down we rode these massive waves as we made our way to the dive site but the motion made my kid ill and she threw up all over the Mexican crew. They were cool with it and they kept on tossing big buckets of sea water on her. Definitely not something you see every day.
Day 4-5.
Left the resort and went to Play Del Carmen and bought sea shell necklaces for everyone my daughters knew. Saw a Monkey the size of a sandwich. A guy charged me 5 bucks for the kids to take a picture with him. Strangely enough, it was worth it.
Met some very nice people from England, became pals immediately. Wives both had Red hair and the husband and I both drank all day and bonded over our common fascination with How
Dumb Some Americans Are.
Actual America question to English guy and me.
"So are you all neighbors?"
English Guy and Me: Bland stares, then. "Do you mean are Toronto and England near each other?"
Actual American: "Yeah, do you guys live near one another?"
English Guy and Me: "Uh no, but we do have you to thank for a truly classic moment, now if you'll excuse us we have to go drink and laugh like the new best buds that this will no doubt make us. Thank you."
Day 6-7.
Some rain, some crazy wind and some more Spanish chit-chat. I've always been able to speak some local lingo down there but the problem is, I speak what I know very well but I don't know too much. Know what I mean? So I'll say something like, "Hey Mexican dude, hows it going and could I have some beer and ham" and He'll come back with "I'm doing great and then blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah thank you blah blah Tu Hablo muy bein blah blah" Most of which is said so fast that all I catch is a word every so often . Then its always followed by an awkward moment or two when we're both searching for the phrase "I'm/your a twit" in Spanish.
Day last.
Then it was time to go. Randee and I had a great time and I know the girls really enjoyed themselves. I'm also painfully aware that there won't be a whole lot more trips like this where the babies will want to hang around almost exclusively with us so I really soaked it up.
In the meantime I'm back and I've got work to do and more work to come. Some new, some old and some who knows-what on the way.
It was a fascinating week and I can tell you this it's going to be an interesting summer.
Hasta Luego Muchachos.
Any Day! Other people's expectations go beyond what you are willing to give today. Your thoughts have a life of their own, making your stress level rise. You realize now that there is no easy way out of this dilemma. Stop struggling; it's a waste of time and energy. A workable solution will appear once you regain a calmer state of mind.
Gee thanks.
I could really use another day or two in my lifetime of "my stress level rising!"
Posted by Humble on May 22, 2008 @ 07:17|Permalink
Poor Baby
My youngest fractured her wrist.
Yes playing soccer.
Yes it sucks.
Yes she's upset.
She was at practice the other night and fell and as she went down she put out her hand to break her fall and broke her wrist instead. Officially it's called a "Buckle Fracture" but it hurts like a bitch and she' s going to be soccer-less for a few weeks.
Poor little child.
On the other hand. This weekend the she had a tournament all three days(multiple soccer occasions) and her sister has a game, a practice, a trip to the see Toronto FC and a team dinner.
Now we just have about half of that soooooooooo.
I know, I know it's not about me and maybe getting to relax a bit instead of driving to and from soccer junk all weekend but hey the wrist needs rest and so does Soccer Dad.
FP is a busy boy these days. He's on a bunch of different morning shows including a guest spot on the great John Derringers show last week and he's recently launched a brand new site.
Canadian Thinker.
Along with my pal Mike Boon, Fred has given birth to a place where people can meet to discuss the issues of the day. As it say at CT: " Canadian Thinker is a national forum for concerned Canadians to trump the politically correct. We know what you're thinking Canada. Now say it at CanadianThinker.com, a voice for what's right in Canada".
I know FP and MB would appreciate you having a look around Canadian Thinker and checking out the discourse.
Go here than come back some time.
Posted by Humble on May 12, 2008 @ 14:10|Permalink
Soccer Mom says jump, I say...
...how hi?
My pal Toni who's daughter I used to coach during the building of my indoor soccer dynasty has a nifty little bloggy thing of her own.
She has asked that I send along this bit of her stuff so that the vast Hhdotcom network can benefit.
It's an interesting conundrum.
It's the story of Ted who simply asked someone who was smoking to move from in front of his restaurant.
Seems simple enough. Now for those of you that are still on Steve's side I will tell you that Steve's solution was to blackmail Ted. He wanted an apology and $1000 from Ted. And to that, I say this ~ My friends that is a total joke!! If he was just a someone who had a cigarette and he was told to move that would have been the end of the story. I am sure some bleeding heart supporter of Steve's told him to take it to human rights and that is a total crock.
No no this isn't some expose on the bullshit reasons and lies the Bush administration told to take the American people into a fake war with Iraq. Although that's part of it.
It's a tale about a new way of distributing movies. Free. Not steal the movie off Bit Torrent but free on purpose.
This is from an article my pal Sandi O sent me. The release of LEADING TO WAR pushes the boundaries of film distribution
beyond the new media strategies of even the most forward-thinking Hollywood
studios. Taking a page from the Web 2.0 playbook, the producers of LEADING TO
WAR are offering the complete film online for free via progressive streaming
or download at www.LeadingToWar.com.
They go on to talk about the Freemium Business model where you give away your product or service, like Flickr and then if you like it and want the upgrade or premium version you pay for it.
Check out the rest of the article here and then go to LeadingtoWar.com. The film is riveting.
Apparently there really weren't any Weapons of Mass Destruction and Mr. Bush and his cronies may have actually told a fib or two along the way.
Okay that's quite enough of " At The End of The Day!"
I think we're all tired of it as a catch phrase aren't we.
I know I am.
At the end of the day what are we trying to say?
I say let's bring back the old school, "When all is said and done..."
Is that so hard. Same number of words.
How did ATEOTD hang around so long? Why haven't we retired it a long time ago?
Laziness.
We are just lazy linguists and "At the end of the day" is convenient and sort of smart-sounding.
May I then offer an alternative that is shorter and snappier and means basically the same thing. Ultimately.
Yes Ultimately covers any thing "At the end of the day" does and quicker
Sales guy 1:"Well Bob that's about it for our Q-1 sales update any thoughts?"
Sales guy 2: "Well Stan Ultimately it's about setting targets and meeting them. Pretty cool how I didn't say "At the End of the Day?" Now lets go get some booze and whores. (Pardon the stereotypical "Sales Guy banter.")
Ultimately you have decide if you're an At the end of the day person or not.
I mean in realty at the end of the day is...Night.
I don't know about you but I find stories of food rationing in the U.S disturbing.
This bit from the business section of the Star talks about "bulk food rationing" but still it's worrisome to me because it doesn't seem to be that worrisome to others.
Kind of the same way that we all seem to be getting used to $120 a barrel oil.
$120 a barrel! Why I remember when oil was selling for 30 buck. (I know a real Grandpa moment. But it was in the last 10 years.)
In the States they're still paying less for gas than us-around $3.50 a gallon which translates into 90 cents a litre.
I want to pay $3.50 a gallon too.
Of course in America they have their own troubles. In-fighting in the Democratic party(they can't figure out who makes them more nervous a Women or a Black man. Quit the cunudrum.)
an economy that's slowed down to a crawl and even more disturbing...Carly Smithson is gone
from American Idol.
WTF?'
Hot, Strange, Brooke forgot the lyrics the night before and she's safe but Hot, Fiery, Carly is no more!
I find all of this and the rice shortage, very disturbing indeed.
WTF?
They win a first round game(a good one too) and they go nuts!
It really is a shame because it's one of my favorite cities and I still have family there, but their fans are giant A-Holes.
Come on.
There's no excuse for what happened in the MTL last night and no matter how much anyone talks about the heart and soul and support of the Canadian fans, it's nothing but a black spot on the organization and the city.
That would never happen in Toronto.
No.
Of course at the Leafs rate of success we might riot if the team ever actually made the playoffs.
I know the Right wing brigade hates to hear that Lefty-Doodle Dave has done something good but he has.
1.5 million people won't be seeking alternated transport today and thusly I won't be inconvenienced.
Thank you Dave Miller.
I won't have a 2 hour drive in and out of the city and that's a good thing.
Yes it's all about me.
Isn't it all about you too?
Union boss Bob Kinnear said "the real turnaround happened after Mayor Miller returned from China..."
Great. All I know is that this potential mess has been averted and it is a big win for all of us.
(But like you I mostly only care about how it affects me and how less inconvenient my life will be. Of course by "my life" I know you know I mean " your life" too. Sheesh, being selfish can be very complicated.)
Robert Plant and Alison Krauss coming to town July 14-Molson Amphitheatre.
Until a few months ago I didn't even know these two had even done an album together but since I've been voicing some airlines Pop shows ( A really long story. I'm the voice of three music shows on Oman Air, Saudi Arabian Air Lines and Vietnam Air. I'm not kidding.)
I've discovered these kids did a little album called Raising Sand. Some amazing stuff that you might want to check out.
If you do know about it then you'll want to catch them live. Tickets on sale Friday April 18.
Steely Dan is touring again and I am going to try and buy a pair of tickets to their show.
I don't want you to buy tickets so I'm not going to tell you where they're playing or when they go on sale.
Sorry. I don't think most of you could give a flying crap about Steely Dan but just in case there are any Dan fans that read this thing, then I have to be careful.
I'll let you know if I "score" them.
Finally, I tried the National Post for 6 months and I've recently given it up. I liked the rag, (hell I've even written for it) but Randee didn't dig it and for the last 3 weeks it rarely showed up 2 days in a row. So, I'm back to the Star.
I missed the Star for a variety of reasons-I think it covers Toronto better and Vinay Menon.
Vinay is an old friend who is a wicked good writer of all things TV and pop culture.
Check out some vintage Vinay from todays Star as he bitch-slaps Dr. Phil.
Posted by Humble on April 15, 2008 @ 07:47|Permalink
TreeMan. And you think you've got problems...
I heard about this today on one of my favorite Morning shows.(I won't say which one it is, but it's not on the air in Toronto.)
It's a story about a guy with severe warts all over his body and because of the gnarly outgrowths that look like bark he is known as the Tree man.
Check out this sad story here.
Posted by Humble on April 15, 2008 @ 07:16|Permalink
2 Faced Baby.
Baby With 2 Faces Born in North India.
This story is a couple days old but I couldn't leave it behind.
Have you seen this? The 2-Faced Baby? Very strange but the kid is being worshiped as a re-incarnated God and it's made huge news all over that country. Read more here.
I feel for those poor parents-how worried and concerned they must be. On the other hand they can look forward to a lifetime of topping other parents.
"Oh my little Brinder has a terrible cold!"
"Really? Does he have 2 faces? No? Then quite your whining. Geez."
"Our Pardeep has been named class monitor..."
"Really? Does Pardeep have 2 faces and is she worshiped as a re-incarnated God? Geez."
Okay here's a chance for you Regular Readers to ask The Masters Guru some questions.
In fact I'm so excited for the Tuna-Mint that I'll ask them for you.
RR: Why do you keep calling it a Tuna-Mint.
MG: In Georgia that's how they pronounce Tournament. Figure it out. Geez.
RR: Do you think Gary Player and other former Master's Champs should still be able to play.
MG:Good question. No and yes but only until they miss the cut by more than say 20 shots.
RR: Why does Phil smile all the time after he does something stupid like lose the U.S. Open on the last hole.
MG:Because he's Bat-Shit crazy. Nice boobs though.
RR: What will it take for Tiger to lose?
MG:If they cancel the Tuna-MInt...or he putts like crap.
RR: Does Mike Weir have a chance.
MG:Yes if the course dries out, no if he can't find the center of any of his clubs.
RR: Finally don't you think it's weird that you have a Tiger Woods bobble-head, Wheaties box and TW collector series golf balls?
MG: What part of that do you think is weird?
RR:Well you're a semi-grown man who...
MG:Who are you calling semi-grown!
RR: It's just that it must strike you as odd with all this Tiger Woods hero worship...
MG:I will strike you if you keep throwing around Tigers name in that manner.
RR: I didn't meant to upset you it's just that Tiger is just a golfer and the Masters is just a golf tournament.
MG:(Staring and blinking). You sir have crossed the line. (Picks up Bobble-head and hugs it.)
Don't worry TW that bad man doesn't mean anything by it.
RR:I'll uh, just leave now.
MG:(Rocking back and forth and moaning)
I woke up this morning and the word Vaginius came into my mind.
I believe I have invented this word.
A Vaginius is an adjective that describes a good looking, smart chick.
Angelina Jolie is one, Tina Fey is one although she lacks some hotness. Julia Roberts is sort of a Vaginius, not so much that she's smart but rather she rarely says anything too stupid.
Hillary Clinton would be a Vaginius if she hadn't started turning into a guy about 10 years ago.
Cheryl Hicky is one. So is that cute honey on BT. Mary Louise Parker is a super Vaginius.
If a smart good-looking women is a Vaginius what do you call a smart, good-looking man?
Easy.
A prick!
I know there's a ton more but I have to go to work...If you can think of any other Vaginiuses let me know and I'll add them to my list.
Enjoy The Hhdotcom Word of the Day.
Yes he is.
Dan Duran who has been my pal for nearly 30 years is the first of my friends to turn 50.
50 and he's none too pleased.
Every time I talk to him lately I say some clever little thing like "Hey only 48 more hours left in your 40's!" or "Hey 50 is like a half-century isn't it?" or "Have your nuts started to get all saggy, after all they are 5 decades old!"
Fun.
I'm sure he appreciates these little reminders.
The truth is he looks 35, acts 15 and I'm sure has very un-saggy testicles.(Thankfully it's been a number of years since his giant Dan-Dong has inadvertently jumped out of a pair of his shorts!)
But 50 is a milestone and I will be raising a glass of something with him tomorrow.
If you see him wish him well and remind just how old 50 really is. He loves that.
(Dan Duran and Hhdotcom with my "Hey this flying stuff is serious bidness" look on my face!)
Dateline:March Break.
The Glassman family had made plans to leave Toronto on Saturday to go skiing North of Montreal.
Of course those plans have been scrapped due to The Storm of the Century, Part 16.
We spoke to Glassman family head Howard about the impending event.
Action News: What's wrong with driving through a blizzard?
HGlassman: I like to be able to see past the front of our truck. Also I enjoy looking at the Big Apple.
AN: Will you still go skiing during March break?
HG: No, we've decided to just use the mountain of snow that's piled up at the end of my driveway.
AN: Do you have any advice for other who may try to drive through the white-out conditions.
HG: I find the term "white-out" racist.
AN: What are you talking about?
HG: What are you talking about?
AN: This is stupid, you're just repeating what I'm saying now.
HG: This is stupid, you're just repeating what I'm saying. Now.
Well that's all the time we have for this in-depth interview with psychopath/activist H Glassman.
Join us next time when we find out What's in H Glassman' tater-celler.
This pretty much sums up the world of Blogging.
Yes I know I'm the only one who puts up drivel most days. All the other Bloggers out there are saying relevant, issue based-life changing things that their friends are already sick of so they have to foist them on us! Yes sir I said foist.
I'm not even sure if that's a word. It should be. Maybe I should blog about it.
Or not.
I want to lick this womens' mouth. I told my wife that this morning and her only response was that Reese's mouth was too small for licking.
I disagree.
I think hers is just the right size for mouth licking.
I would also lick her teeth.
What say you Hhdotcom people?
Reese Witherspoon's mouth...good for licking or not?
Discuss.
This is Jimmy Kimmel's response to the very funny "I'm f****ing Matt Damon!" which his hot and funny girlfriend Sarah Silverman produced.
If you missed it watch it first.
If you've already seen it go here now.
Thanks Kelly E for the very nice bit of OPC. (Other Peoples Content!)
My nephew Simon recently finished a short film for school and it's pretty darned good.
Where does this talent come from? I'm guessing Zaida Lou but who the hell knows.
Simon is a very cool cat who has always had an artistic side and the fact that he has an eye for this stuff is no surprise to me, his Favorite Uncle. (By default. The Uncle competition is very weak...trust me.)
Maybe if he hits it big I can shoot the EPK(electronic press kit) for his first big feature.
Here's Simon G's masterpiece called CHAIRHANGER!
Posted by Humble on February 25, 2008 @ 08:33|Permalink
I'm on the Road Again.
Hey peeps.
I have to spend the next 4 days in Vancouver. Weird I know. I wrote last month about how it was over 20 years since I was there and now it's been only 20 days or so.
It's supposed to be 8 degrees and raining.
I'm cool with that.
I'm going to have drinks and lies with my old pal Captain Phil from the 102.1 days and I'm going to hook up with a real smarty pants I used to know from Calgary named Laurie Cooper.
Oh yeah, I'm going to do some work.
I'll be directing a video Thursday and Friday which will be fun and then when I come back I'll try and edit it in a way that won't suck.
If I get a chance I'll throw up so Vancouver bloggage in the meantime FP has some guests doing entries and of course there's always MB.
Have a great week.
Hh
Much older/smarter Brother David G(The rakish-looking fellow on the right.) is staying with us as part of the Family Day weekend.
He says it's for some Oil Bidness but I think he was invited here by Dalton Mcginty to check on my relative sanity. (And who better to check than a relative.)
I thought we would sit down and have a quick chat with Bro D and see if he can shed any light on the psychotic ramblings of Hhdotcom.
Hhdotcom:How many years older than me are you?
Bro D: About half a generation.(See I told you he was smart!)
Hhdotcom:How come you got all the brains?
Bro D:It's not a particularly smart family.
Hhdotcom:Do you still think you could beat me up?
Bro D:The question is, do I want you.
Hhdotcom:Could I take Steve?(Middle, somewhat less intelligent, but nicer Brother.)
Bro D:Since your buying me lunch yes.(Me, I'm not buying you lunch!) Bro D: Then, No!
Hhdotcom:Can you shed any light on the fact that I am still out of Radio?
Bro D:Uh, uh your having too much fun being un-employed.
Hhdotcom:When I was a baby did you, at any time, try to kill or maim me?
Bro D:Only once, when you were four as part of an experiment I tried to catapult you off our steps. As you can see, you lived.
Hhdotcom:Finally, when you eventually strike it rich can I be your butler?
Bro D:You'll have to audition for the job against Steve. (I like his chances based on his sweet, docile nature.)
Posted by Humble on February 18, 2008 @ 09:03|Permalink
Another thing about me. Sorry.
I recently received this comment. Is your blog only "all about you?" or do you branch out and deal with real important subjects?
Posted by: dave | February 12, 2008 / 19:35
I responded.
Nope Dave, it's just about me.
Sorry.
Me and the idiotic stuff I think about.
For "important subjects" please go to just about anywhere else!
Now for more "unimportant" crap. Here's a YouTube video the National Post posted.
And yes it's not only about me, it is me.
(Notice I am still a hideous individual. Also the day I taped this I had a little burn mark on my upper lip. I'm not a liberty to say how I came to have this mark but it's similar to when your parents came to visit you in college and wondered why all the knives were burned.)
Now here's the Audio from CBC's The Debators.
Strange to hear it. I got the gig in October, wrote most of it in November, taped it in Regina in December and it aired for the first time Saturday night. It will re-run again tonight at 8:30.
Except for the odd interview, this is my first performance on CBC Radio!
It was a great experience, nerve-wracking but fun. I got to debate/make funnies with my pal Judy Croon.
The whole thing is about 14 minutes long and Judy is very funny. So is Steve Patterson. (Thanks to Chip Randmaa and The Boon for file editing and uploading assistance.)
"Suck they suck, oh yes those Maples suck. They suck, they suck, they suck, they suck, they su-uh-uck" (Sung to the tune of Hi Ho, Hi Ho)
Last night the giant suck-factory that is the Maple Leafs reached new lows. Fun huh?
I guess getting rid of John Jr. did the job. Can Cliff Fletcher even stay up long enough to watch the whole Festival of Suck?
No matter the whole thing will be over soon.
Mike Boon, friend and Leaf-Lover has this take. Like most Leaf Fans he refused the Blue pill and remains asleep in the bio-pod oblivious to the Matrix around him.
I admit I haven't been delighting in the Maples demise as much as I did last year.
Too easy.
Although to add insult to crappery, I noticed the Habs are just a point or two back of Ottawa!
Posted by Humble on February 6, 2008 @ 10:57|Permalink
Perfection Denied.
Well that sucked.Nice to see history get it's ass handed to it.
Wanna guess when the next time you'll have a chance to see a team go 19-0 in the NFL?
Ask Dolphin fans if they thought this might come up again anytime time soon.
I know some kids didn't want to see New England win. They are the same people who think Tiger Woods gets too much attention(he won again this weekend!), that Gretsky was over-rated and that fake-boobs are lame.(Heads up: Guys don't all love fake boobs but we don't diss them the way that women do. IE:"Sure she's got nice boobs, but I'll bet they're fake." Men's reaction,"And your point is?"
But I digress.
I was cheering for the Pats precisely because of sports history. I wanted to see it happen and thanks to Peyton Manning's nerdy little brother, it didn't
Dang those Manning boys.
The better team YESTERDAY won but the best team in the 07/08 NFL season was still The New England Patriots. Except for one little detail. SuperBowl Notes:
I watched the game at my pals yesterday and ate the following.
Ribs. Wings. Pepperoni Pizza.
The great Vegetarian experiment is officially over. Dam you delicious animal meat!
Posted by Humble on February 4, 2008 @ 09:16|Permalink
PA/Snow Day.
The kids are home today and so am I.
I feel bad for them because it's a PA day and a waste of a perfectly good snow day.
I've got some work to do but mostly it'll be shoveling and Guitar Hero and then more shoveling. (BTW I know the picture is blown up and all pixelated but I was going for a certain thing. Big and uh snowy!)
Hey Hhdotcom people.
I'm on my to Whistler for the next couple of days so I will not be supplying any drivel.
In my absence I recommend you check out Mike Boon or Jason OJ or Soccer Mom or any other such fine Bloggage on the web.
I will return with some post skiing post drunken/pillaging stories on Monday.
Have a great couple of days.
Got the Wii, Got GHIII and all is right in the World.
Saturday the Wii arrived and in minutes it was up and running.
From box to fun it was literally no time and the girls and I were shredding GH3 like pros. Well Charlie was. I still suck but I like it.
That night during a grown up dinner party thing me and Uncle Stinky left the table to go play Slow Ride. Not a good idea after a few bottles of Red.
So there you have it. We are Wii household and now I'll never have to go out in the freakin cold again.
I found this dude who is like an amazing GH3 player.
Unbelievable.
Okay I'm back watching American Idol.
I watched both episodes this week, that's 4 solid hours of fine family viewing.
Sure it's the same thing all over again.
Randy's my Dawg, Paula's a twit and Simon's the man, but I dig the show and I like
the fact that for the first time in recent memory, all four members of my family watched a show
together.
With our group that's a rarity these days.
My 13 year old barely watches TV, what with homework, MSN, her cell phone, downloading songs and listening to her Ipod.
My 9 year old usually watches endless episodes of Hanna Montana and walks around the house singing.
But for the last 2 nights American Idol had us all sitting together on the couch just like a family would back in the old days.
You remember the old days? I think we all smoked inside and ate a lot more cheese.
Posted by Humble on January 17, 2008 @ 08:32|Permalink
Soccer Mom's got her thang going on...
Hey blog fans.
My pal and frequent Hhdotcom commenter, Soccer Mom is doing it up on her own.
Check out her new site. A Mothers Thoughts.
She is a funny, thoughtful and kooky chick who I've gotten to know over the past year. It started out
with me coaching her kid and has continued for over a year in some great comments she leaves and some funny e-mails she sends.
Go check out Soccer Mom.
Then come back here, of course.
Good luck Toni!
Posted by Humble on January 15, 2008 @ 07:19|Permalink
Hilary wins NH because she cried.
Hilary Clinton took New Hampshire by a couple of points because she shed a few tears.
I'm serious. This was a watershed moment(no pun intended) because it showed a side of her that people connected to.
How much different would this have resonated if it was Barack or Mcain? Uh way different.
They would have been seen as weak, and sucky and unfit to lead.
Yes ladies and gents, this is not the last good cry we've seen from HC.
As for me, I'm backing Barack Obama.
His name is just more fun to say.
Posted by Humble on January 9, 2008 @ 07:47|Permalink
Hhdotcom is now The Old Guy On the Snowboard!
This is what cool boarders look like. This is not me.
This is not me either but it could be.
I love learning new things. I always have. Flying, riding a uni-cycle, juggling and now how to type with a jammed thumb and ripped shoulder.
Yes the Old man has been taking snowboarding lessons.
3 days.
9 hours.
Dozens of falls.
7 bruised ass-bones. 1 bruised rib. 6 near concussions, the aforementioned jammed thumb and torn/strained rotator cuff.
And I freaking loved it.
Everyone said it would take about 2-3 days, a lot of falling and that around hour 5 it would click.
They were right almost to the minute.
The first day I crashed and bounced around the baby hill with the other 6 year olds and all I did was fall.
Fall standing still. Fall moving left or right. Fall trying to stand up.
Second day we went to the grown up hills and I had a series of bone-jarring crashes that left me wondering why the hell I was putting myself through this. After all I am a male-model and therefore make my living with my face and body.(Just seeing if you're still paying attention.)
Then all of a sudden just as blood was starting to trickle from my ear. I put a few turns together and dagnabbit I was doing it. I was boarding. Looking cool, riding the slopes like some giant white wave and then, Bam. I skied into a bush.
Day 3 was a revelation. I dig this.
My 13 year old Charlie G, who's been boarding for a couple of years and I spent the day on the slopes together. I was able to get halfway down the hill before I'd either have to stop from fatigue or I'd slide/fall/trip into a heap of pain on the ground.
The big epiphany? I like it better than skiing.
Seriously. I've been on ski's since I was 19 and yet in three days I already liked boarding more.
Maybe because it's new or a challenge or presents a different feeling of freedom.
All I know is if I ever get back the use of my thumb or shoulder or my headache finally goes away, I'm definitely going to do it again.
Posted by Humble on January 1, 2008 @ 14:21|Permalink
Drivel Produciton will Cease....
Dang this work is really cutting into Drivel production in a big way.
I'm directing a series of interviews with top sales people for a big company this week and I will be away till Saturday.
I may have a chance to update you from the road but I doubt it.
There will a bit of time for some pre-Christmas drivel on the weekend.
Until then, I hope everyone is well and men, don't forget it's almost time to go back to the malls.
I'll see you there myself on Monday.(Xmas eve.."The single biggest guy-shopping day of the year...")
h
Posted by Humble on December 18, 2007 @ 06:44|Permalink
Happy Chanukah...don't even try and say it correctly.
Happy Chanukah Hebrew and non-Hebrew peeps.
Today is the first day of this crazy little celebration which goes on for 8 days. (Actually like all our holidays it started last night.)
Our kids light the Menorah and get some chocolate gelt but we'll save the presents for later.
Tonight we'll eat some latkes which are just good and fine and full of oily potatoes.
I thought you might like to see the Adam Sandler Chanukah song version 3 to get you in the mood.
Posted by Humble on December 5, 2007 @ 08:52|Permalink
So Awful Their funny. Awfully Awful and Funny.
I don't want to dump on the Maple Leafs again but it's just too pathetic to ignore.
No matter what the team has done the fans continue to follow. Leaf Nation wouldn't know what to do if the squad was any good. I swear the fans say they want a better team but I think they secretly enjoy squawking about how bad the Leafs suck.
I admire the fact that this team gets support no matter who's on the ice,
as long as they are wearing the blue and white.
"Dressing for Toronto tonight, 3 giant turds, a Beaver carcass and an old bucket!"
Later on Leaf Talk it would be:
Andy:(Fake big-voiced Arse.) I thought the Beaver carcass looked dead out there tonight.
Gino: (From Woodbridge-calls every night.) Yah Andy the carcass isn't playing the kind of defense the Leafs are paying him for.
Andy:(FBVA) I agree with you agreeing with me. I did think one of the turds and the old bucket played a decent third period.
Now the big story is how Richard Peddie made a mistake by hiring John Ferguson Jr. and blah blah blah..fire the Coach...blah blah, Blake has the kind of Cancer that allows him to play but not score goals.
It's the Leafs. How else can you explain it. It's the franchise that was built on an Indian burial ground or something.
It is great at one thing though, giving their fans a constant source of grief and the all important "Something to Bitch and Whine about" all the time.
That's worth the annual ticket price increase alone.
Posted by Humble on November 28, 2007 @ 09:03|Permalink
Riders win the Cup. Riders win the Cup.
Wow.
Riders over the Bombers and I watched the whole thing. Every minute of it and it was great.
Not a great game but a great event.
The stadium, the atmosphere and the great "little hole on the prairie city winning in the big town!" story-line.
This weekend I'll be Regina for a CBC show called The Debaters and I'm sure the town will still be buzzing.
The Grey Cup is usually a more offense-driven affair but It didn't disappoint. The Winnipeg QB Dinnwiddie starting his first CFL game, Kerry Joseph sucking in the first half and still a nail-biter at the end.
I wasn't that big on Lenny Kravitz screeching during halftime but that's what PVR's are for.
The real reason I watched and enjoyed this game so much had to do with my Dad. My father loved this team and I felt a weird sense of duty to support the Riders on his behalf.
I was a little choked-up at the end.
A great sporting event can do that for you.
Posted by Humble on November 26, 2007 @ 10:18|Permalink
Meetings and some more Standup.
I'll be downtown at Insight today then over to Acme and then home getting ready for some more standup.
Last night I say my old pal Lou Eisen for the first time in a long while. Very funny dude who had a heart attack a few years ago and now tours his one man show, "The Angina Monologues!"
It went pretty well, considering we only had 25 people. After all it was cold and it snowed so what can you expect. (Yes that was sarcasm.)
Tonight and Saturday should be way better.
Sunday I've got a fund-raiser for the LKTYP and then of course the Grey Cup.
Can't wait for that.
Green Riders against the Blue Bombers.
Saskatchewan versus Winnipeg.
Or as Torontonians call it "A place I don't care about versus another place I could give 2 sh*ts about!"
All I know is my Dad used to cheer for Regina and my Mom for the Bombers so I'll be glad no matters who wins.
Have a great weekend.
Bewell,
h
Posted by Humble on November 23, 2007 @ 07:28|Permalink
Oh the weather outside is frightful...not really.
People let's just remain calm. It's only a few flurries.
This is how my day started.
"Daddy the buses have been canceled can I stay home, everyone else is..."
After that my wife and I played a game of "who does the dog love more" and then it was time
to rise.
As for my oldest Daughter the weather caused her quite the conundrum.
It was back and forth, touch and go. She was staying home, we'd make her read and clean up and then she could go visit her friends. Then all of a sudden, her friends were going to school and then so was she and I was the "bus driver!"
That's okay, that's the type of thing I get to do now that I have no regular gig.
I don't know why we freak out so much about a little snow. We're Canadians. There was a time we walked hundreds of miles in snow, we trapped Beavers and ate them raw. Now a little precipitation and we turn into a city of suck-holes.
Yesterday it took me and hour and 40 minutes to get to work because it rained.
Why? It wasn't raining Fire! Giant spears of fire weren't pounding down on our roofs were they?
No but a few hours of rain and all of us from Burlington to the DVP just crawl along wondering why it's going so slow.
"Hey dude in the rain beside me. Your entire hand is up your nose...have you lost your cell-phone or what? Yes I can see you, we're only going NO miles per hour. Now quite it you're making me ill."
Posted by Humble on November 22, 2007 @ 10:02|Permalink
Top Video making the rounds. A freaking Ghost or blue-thingy.
The Blue Ghost is haunting a gas station in Ohio. What are the chances?
Check out this story and then decide.
At the very least when someone says,"Hey did you see that Blue-Ghost thing on YouTube?"
You can say yes. (Thanks Hhdotcom!)
Posted by Humble on November 21, 2007 @ 08:13|Permalink
Drivel Delayed. Again.
Hey Hhdotcom peeps.
I'm sorry, I had to run out to fly. Perfect IFR conditions and I'm going to hang with my instructor Professor Joe.
I'll be back later. Drivel will return and today's top story. Team Gold 8 non-losses continues.
Yes the Season of Dreams is still intact.
Details later.
H
Posted by Humble on November 20, 2007 @ 08:50|Permalink
The Secret Healing Powers of......................Frogs!
Licking frogs is not just for getting high anymore.
Check this out. The secret powers of frogs are being exploited by scientists to create drugs that will correct disfiguring facial scars and could one day help in the regrowth of amputated arms and legs.
Manchester University researchers are exploiting the ability of some amphibians to regrow limbs. 'Human and amphibian proteins are very similar,' said one of the researchers, Professor Enrique Amaya. 'That means the lessons you learn from frogs and salamanders are applicable to humans. Their embryos - spawn - are also easier to study.'
Posted by Humble on November 19, 2007 @ 08:53|Permalink
Downtown again and some stand-up.
Hi again kids. Hhdotcom here with more sad news about the drivel.
Working is getting in the way of massive Drivel Production.
Like one RR (Regular Reader) Alison said, "You having an actual job is really interfering with my morning chuckle....sheesh the nerve!!"
Sorry.
I'm on my way to ACME pictures again today and Friday, I'm actually working on a thing As opposed to the first couple of weeks where I just hung around going, "How does that work, why do you do that, when do we eat, I'm tired!"
Of course I also have more meetings.
Also just a reminder...I'll be at the Laugh Resort Friday night for a quick 10 minute spot.
If I get no laughs it'll be more like a one minute spot.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen here's some jokes."
Crickets.
"Good night!"
Actually here is the opening line from my show these days. "Hi I'm Howard. I used to do this for a living then I took a 20 year detour and did Radio, some TV and now I'm doing this again. I was fired from my job last year. It's always awkward for people
when that happens to somebody.
Hey I hear you lost your job!
Not really. I know where my job is it's just some other nit-wits are doing it now!...."
Then I go on to tell a bunch pee pee and poo poo jokes and then I'm done.
Wish me luck.
Posted by Humble on November 15, 2007 @ 07:26|Permalink
Hey working everyday is a lot of uh work!
The last month is by far the busiest I've been since I used to have a job. It's odd.
Lately I go to meetings, do actual stuff and then have more meetings and then go home.
I am loving it though as I'm involved with creative people in all sorts of new ventures.
Some of it in TV, some in Video, some in writing, some in development and some Radio.(CBC's The Debaters!) Cripes, no wonder I'm bagged. Yes I said "Cripes."
Oh yeah I forgot I'm going to be doing some more stand-up soon at two different clubs. Just short opening spots but I'm trying to build some time and this is the best way to do it.
I'll be at The Comedy Nest next Friday night, early show and then the following week I'll be at the brand new Club Absolute doing 3 or 4 nights in a row.
I'll be trying out some stuff I've been doing for a while and also working on some new material as well. (Some of it for the CBC show.)
As I've mentioned Stand Up has always been something I've loved being able to do. It's not everyone's thing, most Radio and TV people would crap themselves if they had to do it but I like the butterflies and the anxiety. I like getting through it and overcoming the nerves.
So there you have it. Kind of a strange entry I know. Sort of like a mass e-mail to you nice folks that come here everyday.
Not exactly, "Today in the News!" but I figure you get enough of that. Yes the dollar is high, gold is outrageous and oil is nearly a hundred bucks. Crazy!
Hey did you hear about the All Black school proposal. Wow How's Dalton going to allow that?
The Eagles and Brittney are tied with the best album. And I give two craps about neither of them.
Have a great Thursday and I'll try to throw up some more junk before the weekend.
h
Posted by Humble on November 7, 2007 @ 18:53|Permalink
I've got another gig. Yes the world's busiest out of work guy....
I have been working on a bunch of different things for a while.
I've hinted at a TV deal I've made with a big-time Canadian Producer. I'll be closing it today and then I'll ask if I can say something here. I've been pitching another huge Canook icon to be part of his Boomer-Capturing empire.
Yes, Moses Znaimer.
No I don't have any details. Yet.
(I got to hang out with him at his joint last week and he couldn't have been more welcoming.)
I'm booked for a CBC gig in December(See me and Judy below) and I'll be doing some more stand-up locally. I'll let you know when and where. I'm also helping out a fellow author with some PR and media-coaching. Check out her book "Men are like Mocha lattes."
In the meantime I'm thrilled to announce that I've been hired/conscripted/joined Acme Pictures to help learn the corporate video business.
They also do broadcast television as well as digital and more.
I'm so happy to be part of this innovative and talented group of big-brained creative types.
I'm going to work part-time and help out with some idea generation as well as learning how to produce and direct.
They do a ton of cool stuff at ACME and I can't wait to get more involved.
To start I'll be working in their shop once a week-gusting to who knows, depending on the project.
Check out the site and make sure you look at the demo.
I told the Creative Director and founder Ric R that I was going to blog about my new gig and he said fine as long as I found something to rhyme with ACME..
So here goes.
They create and produce awesome visuals at ACME
but prefer PC's and don't think I should Mac Me.
I'm tired, okay?
Posted by Humble on November 1, 2007 @ 07:09|Permalink
Th Drivel supply may be low-ish...
I've got meetings and work downtown for the next 3 days.
I'll try and lay out some junk when I can.
Couple of quick things.
1)Team Gold hasn't won all our games. We eeked out a tie against a very well-coach and slick Team Rob and Ed. Sorry if I made it seem otherwise. Rob, you big baby!
2)Thanks for the Mac Attack. A lot of you gave me some great input into the world of Mac and I'm getting closer and closer to making that a part of my life.
The first personal computer I ever played with was a Macintosh that my room-mates in LA had.
Very cool, very leading edge. Much like their products today.
Talk to you later,
h
Posted by Humble on October 31, 2007 @ 07:38|Permalink
USA can't find their own Falls on a map!
USA! USA! USA!
Hey not it's not only that poor Miss Teen America contestant who's a dope how bout the US State and Homeland security.
They released a rah rah America video touting all the wonders of the land and the Niagara Falls footage was from the much more beautiful Canadian side!
Holy crap. But about four minutes into the seven-minute video, Welcome: Portraits of America, viewers are treated to the impressive sight and sound of water roaring over Niagara Falls.
In showing the natural wonder, Disney's filmmakers, however, chose the Horseshoe Falls, the only one of Niagara's three waterfalls to lie almost entirely on the Canadian side of the border separating New York State from Ontario.
Making matters worse, a visitor to the U.S. would not even be able to get the same view of the falls in the video because the scene was shot from a vantage point in Canada, according to Paul Gromosiak, a Niagara Falls, N.Y., historian and author.
Then come back for some classic Randy Newman and something called "A few words in defense our out country!"
Posted by Humble on October 29, 2007 @ 04:22|Permalink
Judy Croon and Me back on the Radio...Sort of!
Judy Croon and I have known each other a long time. Over 20 years.
We started off doing stand-up together in Calgary, worked the Yuks circuit and then hooked up again in TO when she joined the H+F show.
I loved working with her on stage and on the Air and now we've been booked as comics to do this CBC national Radio show called The Debaters.
It's a mock debate about a variety of subjects featuring comics taking a subjects side and writing jokes about it.
I can't wait. Jude-zilla and I will be going on the road together again.
We tape it in December and I'll let you know when it airs.
Where is the taping? Saskatchewan of course!
It's the most bizarre thing. I left home over 28 years ago and only went back to Moose Jaw ever other year or so.
Now in the last 12 plus months I've been back to the province 6, soon to be 7 times. Weird.
Saskatchewan is calling me, "Come back Prairie Jew, come back!"
As most of you know, the bulk of those visits were to see my Dad. The anniversary of his passing is Saturday and this weekend, I thought I'd feature some of the writing I did back in October of last year. Some of it's pretty painful to re-read but I wanted to remember how I felt and how hard it was and how long ago it feels.
Hope you won't mind.
Have a great weekend.
h
Posted by Humble on October 26, 2007 @ 09:16|Permalink
My 13 year old has a cell phone and a Tour of the A380!
So there you have it. Charlie is 13 and we got her a cell phone.
Not exactly a Bat Mitvah but a passage just the same.
I thought it was time she had one for safety.
She wanted one for non-stop friend access.
I guess we'll see.
I know she was one happy new teen last night when she got it.
We were pretty happy parents to give it to her.
Singapore Airlines unwrapped their gift yesterday. A big, honkin jumbo jet. Yes I said Honkin.
This thing is massive holding nearly 800 plus passengers.
I was curious to see what it looked like so I YouTubed it.
Check this.
Posted by Humble on October 25, 2007 @ 08:35|Permalink
Charlie turns 13.
It is with a heavy heart I write this today. Our first-born baby is a teen! It is so weird to think that this little nothing of an infant was born 13 years ago and now she is a stunning young woman.
I know some of you were listening during that time and may remember how overwhelming it all was for us. Like all parents.
She's turned out to be a good egg, our Charlie.
She loves everybody and only wants the best for people.
She's never given us a bit of trouble outside of normal kid crap and she makes me proud all the time.
But as I stated I'm conflicted. When I look at her now (picture not available due to Motherly security protocol!) I find it hard to believe how grown up she looks.
I love the young lady she's become but I miss the little girl she used to be. I really do.
I know that kid will always be in there, somewhere.
Mostly in my heart.
Happy Birthday Charlie.
Posted by Humble on October 24, 2007 @ 08:39|Permalink
The Drivel may be Delayed.
I auditioned for a movie about 7 weeks ago and late last night I finally got my shoot day. Today.
I have to leave early and I'll be gone most of the day so there will be a drivel delay.
Sorry.
Do come back though cause I've some pretty spicy stuff for you.
In the last couple of days I've been..
1) Yelled at by an obese women in a bar and told to shut up.
2) Been hit into twice in the same round of golf by the same nitwits.(Some yelling ensued.)
3) Got into a juvenille screaming match with another girls U14 soccer coach.
Yes I'm serious.
I'll have the full Team Gold recap of yet another stunning victory.(The undefeated season continues...)
A bit about Mike Weir and some fresh Hhdotcom funnies.
But for now I have to go cause it looks like it's raining and I have to be downtown early.
Later.
Posted by Humble on October 23, 2007 @ 06:57|Permalink
What? 911 wasn't staged!
I heard about this on the weekend and stole it from Mike Boon's site. (I've already linked him today so find him on your own!)
It's from Bill Maher's show and it's great. Live TV gone amuck and Maher handles it well.
But is Bill really saying that 911 wasn't planned by the US government? Hmmm I thought he was smarter than that.(Tongue in cheek although some days I'm not sure.)\
Here's the thing.
Posted by Humble on October 22, 2007 @ 08:05|Permalink
Working this Weekend. Stand-up, NOT Radio.
Tonight and tomorrow night at the Oakville Centre I'll be hosting/opening for my pal Glen Foster.
Yes I'm nervous, no I don't think I'll puke up all over myself.
I've worked with Glen for years before I came back to Radio, during and now after.
He's one of my favorite comics and never fails to write new and funny shite.
I'll just try and stay out of the way.
Strange, when I was doing shows 7-9 times a week it was a breeze. Night after night in clubs I'd stand there and fire off 30-40 minutes. But now that I do it so irregularly it's way harder. I've spent all week rehearsing and learning my little 15-20 minutes and I'm still not sure I remember it all.
Of course I'm old and my brain has had 20 more years of pickling.
Tonights show is a private function/charity fundraisor and Saturday night is open to all who have the dough.
Check this out for details.
(Just scroll down a little.)
Posted by Humble on October 19, 2007 @ 09:52|Permalink
Fact or Fiction at The ROM
Fact? or Fiction? returns to the ROM
for an 11th incredible year...
Toronto’s best kept secret, an evening of deduction, deception and
discovery, is back on October 17, 2007
That's tonight, a big time fundraisor at the museum to help fund research. I'm happy to do it cause it means hanging out with my co-host Mary Jo Eustice, drinking free and eating expensive little horsedoovers. Hell I'm just happy to be asked to do pretty much anything these days. (Have I mentioned I'm available for Bar Mitzvah's and Birthday parties!)
It's a cool night full of rich people having fun and giving up some of their dough for a good cause.
Last year it was Valerie Pringle and me.
Have a look.
Fact or Fiction Fun!
Posted by Humble on October 17, 2007 @ 09:54|Permalink
Erection Day. No that's not at typo!
Welcome to our Erection Day coverage. Yes I say Erection Day 2007 cause that big Wank Dalton Mcg is going to be our Premier again and that's that.
They're all wankers except the ones that aren't.
Since the Erections have been all but decided let's make sure the MMP thing doesn't go through.
It's a bad deal all around and will only end up bogging down government even more than it already is.
I scooped the following from FreddieP.ca and it sort of sums up nicely what this MMP thing is all about. Again I say boo MMP and all MP's that are Wanks.
Now go out, vote and do the right thing.
What is being proposed and how does it impact all of us?
1. Decrease the current number of ELECTED MPPs from 103 to 90.
2. Incorporate a new NON-ELECTED number of MPPS
3. Enlarge the number of MPPS to 129.
4. 90 MPPs will be Elected by us the people
5. 39 MPPs to be Selected or Appointed by the politicians.
6. Not democratically elected and Party elites.
7. Decreased accessibility to government.
8. 17 fewer local ridings and decreased accessibility.
9. Elected members will have local riding issues to manage.
10. Directly accountable to constituents.
11. Appointed MPPs have no such responsibilities.
12. Brokerage Politics may make positive change more difficult.
The people of Ontario did not ask for this referendum.
The people of Ontario want more accountability. They do not want paid MPPs that have no accountability: not to ridings or constituents or any other defined entity or channel.
The people of Ontario want more transparency of their various tax dollars, at all levels of government. They want to eliminate misuse, abuse and squandering of their money and will not tolerate monies provided for apparent immoral means.
MMP will mean:
1. A more elite legislature
2. Reward for faithful service
3. Delivery of votes
4. Financial help
5. Decreased accessibility to politicians
6. Less Democracy
Boo.
Posted by Humble on October 10, 2007 @ 08:08|Permalink
I could give a crap about....
The Van Halen Reunion. I really couldn't care less. I always found David Lee Roth slightly amusing and the video to California Girls features some nice boobies, but I was never that big a fan of the band.
I still thought Sammy Haggar was the lead singer. (Okay that was only sort of a joke.)
Anyway they were in town and it affected me not at all.
The Leafs Nation. Are you kidding me? Where did that phrase come from and why is Andy Frost saying it like he invented it.( Is there an easier Radio gig than Leaf's Talk? "Go ahead Vito in Woodbridge" "Yah Andy I agree with you about what you said!" "Thanks, next caller Gino in Woodbridge....")
Anyway as far as my memory serves me (and it doesn't most of the time) Andrew Krystal used to call his listeners "Mojo Nation" when he was doing his excellent talk show on the old 640. (You know when it was a fun station.)
Anyway somewhere along the line Leaf Nation was co-opted and whenever I hear it bandied about I always think of Krystal and how pissed he must be at having been ripped off.
Having said all that, I don't give a crap about it.
I've never watched Lost, Desperate Housewives, Heroes, House(although my Brother Steve raves about it), Grey's Anatomy, ER(used to, haven't in the 2000's) Singing Bee, the other lyrics show or My Name is Earl. There are too many shows and not enough hours or space on my PVR. I find the PVR has allowed me to really only watch what I want when I want.
If they came to take everything away I'd bury my PVR in the backyard and come back in the middle of the night and dig it up. Yes I would.
Finally I don't give a crap about the referendum on voting in Ontario. I don't know who asked for this but it wasn't me. Mainly I'm like you and I have only the vaguest of ideas what the deal is.
First past the post or the representation by population or percentage of ????
All I know is the old way may be imperfect but at least the knuckleheads are actually voted in by us as opposed to the new way where some are voted in and some are appointed by other knuckleheads. That way can't be good.
Posted by Humble on October 10, 2007 @ 08:05|Permalink
The Master Cleanse. Ever heard of it?
( I caution you that this is only my opinion. Do not do this and die because you read it here. Please.)
I am on The Master Cleanse. Randee too. Eat nothing but drink 6-10 glasses of lemon/maple syrup and cayenne pepper a day.
Basically it's a way to rid your body of toxins and clean out your system. It is not a diet although some weight loss is inevitable.
It is a fast/detox combo invented by Stanly Burroughs, that people have been doing for years with amazing results.
My pal Fraser did it and I've been thinking about doing it for some time.
The past year I've been really eating and drinking too much. Too much crap, too much beer and too many helpings.
It was time to give my system a re-boot and that's what this does.
No food for 10 days(some people do it for 20,30 or 40 days.) and then a 3-4 day weening period.
Today is day 5. I haven't eaten since last Thursday and I must say I feel fine. The first couple of days were a bit weird, I had a headache and felt a little tired, but since then it's been great.
I think the headache was from no coffee and the weirdness was from the fact that so much of our lives revolve around meals.
The lemon-aid gives you all the vitamins and nutrients your body needs and so far so good.
If you want more info on this thing here's the site.
Randee's doing well and we're trying to get through this together. She says she misses chewing. I told her I had some idea how she might take care of that but only if she chewed very gently. (Yes that was a dick joke.)
I'll let you know how it goes but I warn you to try this at your own risk. Remember I'm not really a Doctor I just think I am.
This dude wrote a raw food book and is a Master Cleanse expert.
Posted by Humble on October 2, 2007 @ 09:59|Permalink
Internationals Lose, We and Weir Win!
These guys won the Cup but...
This Guy was the real winner.
That may be one of the great days in Canadian sport, certainly in Golf. Weir beat Woods and it was awesome. Sure the US won the Presidents Cup but that was a done deal by Saturday night, Sunday was all about Mike Weir.
If you saw you couldn't help but be proud, proud of him, of the galleries and of the spirit of competition. Plus it was cool seeing the little guy take it to Tiger. (And remember I love Tiger!)
It was the perfect stage. In Canada, our best against maybe the best ever.
It couldn't have been a better way to win.
Up early in the match, then Tiger comes storming back and then goes up on Mike and then Weir hangs tough and prevails in the end.
When it was over I had goosebumps. Everyone who watched it did.
Tiger gave Weir a hug and told him how proud of him he was at handling all the pressures of the week, being a captains pick, unofficial host and playing in front of his home country.
This is a day Canadian golf fans will remember for a long time. Like the day Mike won the Masters.
The only thing that could top it is when he wins The Canadian Open, which judging by his play yesterday, could be sooner than later.
Quick Notes:
Who ever told those idiots that yelling "Get in the Hole!" every time someone hits was a good idea, was freaking dead wrong. "Get in the Hole" has replaced "Your the Man" as the most irritating thing in golf.
Johnny Miller is the best color guy in sport. He is right on with his golf knowledge and will always say what-ever is on his mind. It was great hearing him praise Weir and talking about what a gutty competitor he is. When they showed Gary Player walking besides Mike coming up 18 Johnny said, "There goes two little guys who can flat out play!"
If your like me and you like to read different versions of the same thing, take a gander at the Weir-Woods roundup from these other sources.
Posted by Humble on October 1, 2007 @ 08:22|Permalink
Gerry was in town.
Seinfeld was in town yesterday promoting Bee Movie. It looks like a cool flick for young and old alike. (Yes I said young and old. Sorry, I'm in a hurry.)
Anyway our local reporters peppered him with lame bee puns but he took them in stride.
"Yes, we're here to create a Buzz!" Ect. Ad nauseum
Anyway it looks like some good laughs and classic Jerry-style humour.
Check out this trailer featuring Steven Spielberg.
Jerry Extra.
Here's a piece with Jerry from Access Hollywood.
Posted by Humble on September 27, 2007 @ 09:18|Permalink
Chicks Rule(s) and Why?
Yeah,yeah Chicks Rule. Guys have known this since we popped our first boner. It's true.
Men are a simple lot and have only a few basic needs. One of them involves our pee pees, so whatever facilitates anything to do with that rules us.
Even guys that say they don't get pushed around by any women are lying.
Happy wife, happy life. I didn't invent that, it's true.
My happiness-formula is easy. Food, booze, golf, flying, watching golf, talking about flying.
I'm not stating anything new but I was reminded this morning that my wife operates under a whole different set of life-criteria than I do. Forget the organic food, coupons, the clothes, the creams, the complex friendships, the mother-in-law, the need to clean up, the time it takes to get ready, always being late and the thrashing of every vehicle she's ever owned...today I found out I'm not supposed to go poo in our downstairs bathroom.
Squeeze me? Did you guys know that?
She told me that I should go up stairs so I don't stink up the whole house. Further more, she says, there isn't a wife out there that would let their husbands go doody in the powder room.
Really? How come I'm just finding this out now? Also why do we call it a "Powder room?"
Yes chicks rule and chicks have rules and the exciting thing is the rules are always changing.
Posted by Humble on September 25, 2007 @ 09:26|Permalink
Aurevoir Marcel Marceau! I bid you AJew.
Everybody hates mimes. That's a given. In our cynical society there is no more room for guys in white face walking against the wind.
But Marcel Marceau was like a super-mime. Fighting the crime of cynicism and bring mime-joy across the world.
He was the best and now he's gone.
I remember as a kid being impressed that he seemed to be stuck in a box, climbing a rope or holding a bird all without saying anything.
He had the only line in Mel Brooks Silent Movie and that was cool too.
Today a tribute to Marcel with a little updated miming.
Posted by Humble on September 24, 2007 @ 08:17|Permalink
Chris Crocker. Everybody's talking bout this "Dude!"
Chris Crocker is an internet celebrity. Why? I don't really know but he is. Millions watch his stuff on YouTube and in the last week it's gotten way out of hand because of this.
Leave Britney Spears Alone!
Now the aftermath.
First the very funny Seth Green parody.
Now look at the phenomena roll on the Jimmy Kimmel show. Amazing press for a personality most of you haven't heard of.
Welcome to the New World Order of Celebrity.
Posted by Humble on September 20, 2007 @ 07:57|Permalink
The Dan Duran Interview.
Yesterday Dan Duran and myself played in the Jeff Lumby Celebrity Golf Classic raising money for a childrens school lunch thing.
Dan, Jeff and I have known each other for nearly 30 years and it was a good time for a great cause.
My favorite moment was when one of the guys in my foursome asked, " Do you know who our celebrity is?"
Another guy later asked me what I did at DaveFM and had I spent any time in the Military.
Anywho.
Dan stayed over last night and I decided it would be a good idea, not to mention some much needed content, to interview real celebrity, Dan Duran.
Hhdotcom: Good Morning Dan.
DanDuran: Good Morning Howard
Hhdotcom: Who do you believe was really behind 911?
DanDuran: I am working on that but have yet to nail it down.
Hhdotcom: Who are you nailing down these days?
DanDuran: Well my wife of course and I built a really nice shelf on the weekend out of old water-
bed boards.
Hhdotcom: Really?
DanDuran: Yeah.
Hhdotcom: You recently had an opportunity to interview former President Jimmy Carter, how did
he smell?
DanDuran: I didn't actually smell the man.
Hhdotcom: Did he stink? Did he smell like a peanut?
DanDuran: No discernible odors came from the man.
Hhdotcom: You slept in our spare bed last night, did you pleasure yourself?
DanDuran: (Long pause.) NO. Thanks for asking.
Hhdotcom: Are you pleasuring yourself now?
DanDuran: No. Except the coffee's good.
Hhdotcom: Dan last question. Who do you believe was behind 911?
DanDuran: Jimmy Carter, now leave me alone.
Posted by Humble on September 19, 2007 @ 07:43|Permalink
More 911 conspiracies. Hey there was no planes!
For some years now, every so often I get "obsessed" (my wife's description) with the conspiracies surrounding 911.
The Towers falling so uniformly.
The hole in the Pentagon.(Too small, no airplane parts to be found.)
The Shanksville Pennsylvania sham. (Small crater, no airplane parts anywhere.)
Yes it's fascinating and puzzling and now and again I get sucked into it.
Years ago I started with this site, Letsroll911.org.
Be careful cause once you start it's hard not to be at least a bit skeptical about the events as we know them.
Saturday night I was listening to The Spaceman on AM640 and he mentioned some new theory about 911 that involved faking the plane attacks!
Squeeze me?
Well I googled that little bit of new info on Sunday and I was sucked back again. I spent an hour or so watching something called September Clues and it was very compelling.
I also checked out something called 911Octopus and 911Flatline. Both very spooky and also strange and compelling. Again I warn you that once you start this crap it's hard not to stop. Like conspiracy crack.
I must say I don't know what to believe. I know that whenever I watch this stuff it sure brings up a lot of new questions.
You never know do you.
I mean at one time it was accepted fact that JFK was killed by a lone gunman.
Now of course we know he was killed by aliens they are hiding in Roswell or Osama Bin Laden.
Posted by Humble on September 17, 2007 @ 08:32|Permalink
How stupid is OJ?
Arrested again. This time for some cock-a-mamie story about retrieving some stolen memorabilia.
What an ass?
He gets away with killing his wife and the young Goldman kid and he just won't F-away.
Here's the link to the whole ridiculous story from Macleans.
All this on the heels of the release of the book "If if did it!"
If? Are you kidding us OJ.
This dick continues to walk around and that just proves how bizarre the legal system can be.
Hopefully this time he'll go to prison...but I doubt it.
Here's a clip of Ron Goldmans Dad talking about the release of the book.
Posted by Humble on September 17, 2007 @ 07:46|Permalink
Love to blog, but I've gotta go. Again.
Golfing.
I'm going golfing with my pal Fraser and some other cool real estate dudes. We will golf and then do some man-drinking. The guys can do both pretty nicely.
We're on our way up to Hunstville to play Granview and then Barrie National tomorrow.
I love the Barrie course but Granview is a little goofy. Mark O'Meara designed it and it's beautiful, but it's got a couple of blind holes which make no sense.
It's basically a resort course being played by people for the first time who will have mostly no idea where to hit it.
Still there is the man-drinking.
Have a great couple of days and I'll try and upload some drivel when I come back.
Go Tiger for the Fed Ex cup.
Boo Fat Phil.
Yah Chargers.(Girls soccer team)
Posted by Humble on September 13, 2007 @ 09:13|Permalink
I gotta go now, drivel later.
I have to bolt early today and I'll be gone till early afternoon. Expect drivel delivery then.
Tonight is Rosh Hashanah. Yes you knew.
Anyway have another look at Rosh Hashanah Girl again to get you in the mood.
I tried to find Letterman's Monday appearance on Oprah yesterday with no luck. Maybe it's not posted yet.
If any of you Hhdotcom peeps have it can you shoot it over to me.
In fact if you have anything of interest I'd be happy to put it up on the site. Remember our motto, "When you contribute, there's less for me to do!"
See you later friends-of-drivel.
Posted by Humble on September 12, 2007 @ 07:26|Permalink
If this is Wednesday I must be in New York.
For as long as I can remember New York has been my favorite city. I always felt an affinity for it because of my Dad.
Yes we grew up in Moose Jaw, about as far from NYC as you can get, but from an early age I would hear stories of the place from my Father. He lived there after the war and spent several years working on becoming an actor. Him and several hundreds thousands others.
Still it was a pretty cool story for a Moose Jaw boy.
The American Academy is were Lou went to acting school. His room-mate for a time was Conrad Bain, later the Dad on Different Strokes and his classmates included Don Rickles.
Anyway I remember thinking, "Uh, let me get this straight. We live here but we could have lived there? WTF?"
Why my Dad moved back to Canada and then to Moose Jaw is a story in itself, but the point is because of him I've always loved New York. Got it?
Over the years I've been lucky enough to visit Manhattan a bunch of times and for the next couple of days I'll be hanging out again.
A little fun and a little business. I'll be working on some stuff to do with my book, hopefully getting it a home in a US bookstore chain. Also a meeting with someone I'm involved in a TV project with as well. (How cool does that sound!)
Of all the time's I've been there this will be the first where my purpose will be more than just hanging around and staring at stuff.
I'll let you know how the bidness stuff goes someday soon. I promise.
I won't be blogging it up from NYC so enjoy the next couple of days and I'll bring you up to speed when I get back.
Bewell,
h
Posted by Humble on September 5, 2007 @ 07:47|Permalink
Not all Americans are Stupid!
The reaction to the Miss America contestant has been fast and furious. Not only here at Hhdotcom, but in the mainstream media and the YouTube.
I guess YT is pretty mainstream too.
Have a look at this not-so-stupid American.
Of course it's more fun to make fun of them.
Check this.
Posted by Humble on August 30, 2007 @ 09:27|Permalink
No Blgggy No Cry.
Hey Hhdotcom peeps. I have to spend the bulk of the day downtown and so the drivel will be delayed.
Not sure what time I'll be back to deliver so check back 3, 4, 5 times a day.
And watch for Traffic and Weather together on the ones.
"Looks like today will be nice and traffic will suck!"
Enjoy.
Posted by Humble on August 28, 2007 @ 07:42|Permalink
I Can't stop SNEEZING!
I'm having a terrible time with my allergies this week.
What the hell's going on? Usually by this time of the year I'm done, but lately it's as though I'm under attack.
I sneeze like a crazy bastard too.
Achoo, achoo, achoo. I sneeze in threes. I pause and then another three-pack of sneezes.
My kids think my Achoo's are too loud.
I may play them up for effect.
I'll be happy when the sneeze season is done.
Posted by Humble on August 24, 2007 @ 08:46|Permalink
Some this and a little that.
Well after a summer of fun and frivolity I won't be going back on the air anytime soon.
Sorry.
I thought I was but it went from full stall mode to uh, "...we're going in a different direction.."
It's a long, complicated story that I will tell you one day, but for the foreseeable future I'll just be talking to myself and the dog.
I could be wrong but I don't think so.
I have made an interesting deal on another project that I'm also unable to talk about but it is very interesting and I would love for it to go forward.
I'll reveal that as soon as I can.
I will say it is TV and it involves some very big breathers who produce some very big shows.
I'm am going to start beating the bushes for some other stuff to keep me busy, if you need someone to run some errands for you during the day, I'm your guy.
Today is bad though, as I'm heading downtown to get my haircut. Spencer thinks I'm starting to look like the Clown "Roundabout" from East Side Marios's.
Hmm maybe their hiring.!
Posted by Humble on August 23, 2007 @ 10:20|Permalink
No F-ing Kidding!
This pretty much sums up 99.9% of the blogging world. Mine included!
Posted by Humble on August 22, 2007 @ 11:12|Permalink
The Fed Ex Cup. WTF?
A few of my pals who consider me their PGA Tour expert, because of the gay amount of time I spend watching it and Tiger, have asked me to explain the new playoff format to determine the winner of the inaugural FedEx Cup.
It's fairly complex but I'll put it this way simply.
Tiger will most likely win it.
Tiger doesn't really give 2 shites about it.
Basically it's like the Nextel Cup in Nascar.
All season long you play for position and then for the last four tournaments your seeded based on your season's performance.
So if you finish first, your given top points and so on down to 144 for the last 4 weeks.
Each week some players are eliminated and then the person with the most points at the end, wins the cup and a 10 million deferred payment. (Too hard to explain.)
You may have heard that the PGA tour is pissed at Tiger for skipping the first of the four events.
I guess so. It's their first kick at this and him not playing is not good.
The problem is he can miss the first event and mathematically still be leading the playoffs.
This little numerical glitch is just the kind of the thing the Tour was hoping to avoid. Check this out for more.
Then of course, come back.
Posted by Humble on August 20, 2007 @ 09:11|Permalink
Elvis Dies 30 Years and one day ago!
Shortly after midnight Elvis returns to Graceland from a late-night visit to the dentist. Through the early morning of the 16th he takes care of last minute tour details and relaxes with family and staff. He is to fly to Portland, Maine that night and do a show there on the 17th, then continue the scheduled tour. He retires to his master suite at Graceland around 7:00 AM to rest for his evening flight. By late morning, Elvis Presley is dead of heart failure. It is announced by mid-afternoon. In a matter of hours the shock registers around the world.
Elvis died about 6 weeks after I started in Radio.
I was 17.
I was working weekends at CHAB Moose Jaw reading the news and hanging around the other 5 days a week trying to figure out how this whole thing worked.
I remember our PD Don West who actually gave me the name Humble, was very upset and went into full Elvis Tribute mode right away. People loved it.
Don was an old guy,(35!) and a big Elvis fan and we put our station into Elvis overdrive.
It was a pretty big deal for me, someone who had been in high school 7 weeks before, to witness the kind of immediacy and power that Radio could have and provide.
I was never an Elvis fan but I learned then what kind of impact he had. It was the same 3 years later when I was doing all-nights in Vancouver the night that Lennon was shot.
When I think about Elvis in the summer of 1977 now I remember that time in Radio.
I'm more than a little freaked out though that I'm now 10 years older than my "old guy" boss was 30 years ago.
Posted by Humble on August 17, 2007 @ 09:29|Permalink
Muskoka bound again.
I never used to get the whole "cottage thing."
For most of my first 13 or 14 summers in Toronto, I hit a lot of golf balls. That was it.
Hit balls, play golf, play tournament, hit more balls.
Then I gave that up and rented a cottage for the first time in 2003.
I was hooked. I love it and look forward to it every summer.
I even wrote about in The National Post.
I'm going up today for the next 10 days so I won't be posting. Sorry. I will have fresh crap for you come the middle of August and I should be able to announce how you'll be able to hear me again on the radio. Sort of.
Have a great couple of weeks and be safe and well.
H
In the meantime here's a reprint of the Post article.
TORONTO NORTH !
For years I used to look sideways at the people who would trek “Up North” every weekend. I thought it was ridiculous to get on the 400 or 401 and leave a perfectly good city to go sit around some lake and get eaten by bugs while cooking burgers outdoors and sleeping in drafty huts. I know I know it’s a tradition around here cause you all grew up going to your grandparents leanto or some Muskoka Camp, but I’m from Moose Jaw and we didn’t really “summer on the lake” as much as we just took a couple month break between snow storms.
Well, I’m in. I’m now officially a Torontonian because I freaking love it up there.
I’ve lived here for 17 years but it wasn’t until about 4 summers ago that I started to slowly assimilate.
We rented a cottage…small cabin, nice lakefront-trees, loons and campfires.
I liked it. My kids loved it. I began to see.
Next summer we rented again, and we visited some friends and stayed overnight at their place. Hey this was fun. Warm days, boating, swimming, checking out little towns, everyone happy and laughing and starting to drink at noon!
“These people couldn’t be from Toronto”, I thought, we don’t act like this a few hours south of here.
That’s the key. We are different when we’re in the big city. “Up North” we don’t have to run at full impulse power, up here we slow down. After the drive that is.
The Drive.
Friday afternoon, the mad dash to get the hell out of town. That’s the part I could never get my head around, but like the rest of the city, I’ve learned to endure.
I used to mock my friends.
“Oh yeah, that sounds great, let’s just park on the 400 for 3 and half hours and then the fun begins?”
Well that was before I became Cottage Boy. Now the drive is just part of the deal and as soon as it’s over and I’m looking out on a lake, it’s forgotten.
Like a lot of you we rent a little place on a lake every year and a few other times a summer we are Cottage Glommers.
You may be unfamiliar with that name but believe me you know the concept. Cottage Glommers are Toronto people who don’t own their own place but Glom onto their friends that do. It’s a real HogTown tradition.
This past weekend we glommed at the family cottage of our friends Stinky and Lou Lou. (Not their real names!) They have a sweet place they share with Lou Lou’s parents Ed and Diane (Their real names) that has been in the Lou Lou family for nearly 80 years. The trick to successful Glomming is to be The PG. That’s the perfect guest to you non-glommers. I’m not completely clear on all the rules but they include not breaking things, bringing your own pillows, cleaning up after yourself and come with plenty of snacks and booze! We had a great time which included Stinky’s amazing ribs, my kids tubing, throwing sticks for his dog Hogan and hours just staring out at the lake.
That’s the part I’m just starting to get. The peacefulness and serenity. Sometimes you can just be sitting on a dock, staring out at nothing and everything at the same time and then it all makes sense. We reside in Toronto for a lot of reasons- the pace, the people the opportunities but every weekend or so we get out of the city and we’re just a bit different. For 48 hours we slow down and become something besides our big city selves. The week’s traffic and deadlines and noises and running around all melt away if only for a short time, but that’s what makes it so special.
I get it.
That’s why we all can’t wait to get up there every Friday…it let’s us not be from Toronto for a while.
Posted by Humble on August 4, 2007 @ 08:25|Permalink
I'm back and I'm reading Harrry Potter.
Hey Hhdotcom peeps, what up? I've been on the road for the last 9 days or so and I'm sorry about the absence of drivel. I think we all needed a break.
I'll explain a little more about where and how but first things first.
As soon as I got back Charlie immediately made me start reading the latest Harry Potter book.
She and I have been reading them together since she was 5 or 6 and now she burns through them on her own.
Well she was beside herself when I arrived and made me start reading at once.
Unbelievable. This JK Rowlings knows a thing or two about getting you to turn a page.
In Deathly Hallows, Dumbeldore is dead, Mad Eye gets killed, the Death Eaters are everywhere, the Ministry has fallen, Ron and Hermione are horny for each other, Harry is horny for Ron's sister and Voldemort is still a prick...and I'm only halfway through!
No wonder JK has made a sweet half billion.
Dear Miss Rowlings,
I am a 47 year old boy who loves your stories, would you please adopt me?
I will service your cauldron and let you touch my wand.
It's not just about the money.
Okay it is but it's also about learning and growing together.
Allright it's mostly about the money.
Your's sincerely,
Howie Potter.
Posted by Humble on July 30, 2007 @ 09:36|Permalink
Notes from the Jaw.
Hi and welcome to Notes from the Jaw.
"Hello Notes from the Jaw!"
Dateline Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
Local boy Howard Glassman, the lonely Jew, came back to his birthcity yesterday and has so far not pissed anyone off.
Papa would be proud.
Last night "Humble" as he used to be called when he was employed, spoke at a reception along with the extremely talented CBC vixon Sheilagh Rogers.(I think that's how she spells her name?)
Anyway, Howie spoke about his little Slime book and all went well.
Then Friday, after waking up early to watch Tiger suck at the British Open, Glassmandingo talked about The Slime at a workshopy kind of thing.
Again people were quite amused and no one threw things.
His appearances have become commonplace in the Friendly City and the locals are no longer horrified at the very sight of him.
Tomorrow more of the same.
Later HhDotcom peeps.
Posted by Humble on July 20, 2007 @ 18:00|Permalink
Me, Murry and Ian.
I mentioned I'll be part of The Saskatchewan Festival of Words for the next few days and will be trying to blog a bit from the Jaw.
I've been back a couple of times since my Dad died last October and I'm sure this will a great time sprinkled with a touch or two of sadness.
Last February I was on stage at the big Theatre there with the cast of Corner Gas and this weekend I'll be hosting an event with Murry Mclaughlin and Ian Thomas.
I know my Dad would have loved to have seen me and I know he would have been proud.
Funny, I hadn't done a gig in the area since I appeared at Yuk Yuks in Saskatoon some 20 years ago and now since he died I've had two in my old hometown.
Okay, not funny haha.
Anyway I'll try and drop you a note or two from the thing.
Take care and bewell.
h
Posted by Humble on July 18, 2007 @ 17:36|Permalink
Oshkosh by Gosh.
Hey peeps. I'm going to Oshkosh, Wisconsin for the Worlds Biggest Aviation fly-in/expo/air-show.
Yes I am.
It's true. Me and my large-brained friend DW are loading up GSIN and heading South. I will riding flying down with D and his Gigantic-Brain will be flying separately in it's own Corsair Ace.
For 5 days and nights we'll camp out under the wing, check out cool planes, watch cool planes fly and talk flying with other propeller-heads.
DW assures me there will only be emergency spooning if the temperature dips at night. Ugh.
Other than that it should be a very interesting experience.
I will be shutting down Hhdotcom for the most part as of Thursday as I'm off this week to Moose Balls for the Writers Festival thing.
Regular drivel service will resume Monday July 30th. Also by then I should know whether or not I'm going to be getting out of my wife's hair or not.
Posted by Humble on July 17, 2007 @ 14:09|Permalink
Drivel is on it's way. But later.
HhDotcom peeps.
Hello.
I am sorry for the lack of drivel yesterday but I promise the drivel will return.
Later.
This afternoon.
Promise.
Enjoy your drivel-free day til then.
h
Posted by Humble on July 17, 2007 @ 07:21|Permalink
Surprise...Your Fired!
One year ago today. Surprise!
Humble on being fired
'My oldest daughter asks if this means I'm going to be a regular dad now'
''Humble'' Howard Glassman, National Post
Published: Saturday, July 22, 2006
''Mornings end for Humble Howard.'' That was the headline in last Saturday's Toronto section of the National Post.
I have been keeping an eye on this Friday the 13th day for a while. It will be the one year anniversary of my being fired.
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, time flies when your not intro-ing Nickleback for the 4000th time.
One year of staying up till 11!
One year of no show-prep.
One year of sleeping in.
I'm ready for it to be over and as I hinted a few weeks ago the Longest Weekend Ever may be coming to an end.
I'll keep you postered.
(Yes "postered", one of the many Randee-isms.)
This is like a real thing. It's called the Saskatchewan Festival of Words and it's coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm booked.
I was sure they would have second thoughts and un-book me at some point but it's apparently going on and I'm part of it.
Noah Richler, (Mordecai's kid) Ian Thomas, (Dave's brother) and Murray McLaughlin(Straw hats and old dirty hankies!) will all be part of this event.
Also CBC's Shelagh Rogers will be there and is going to have to introduce me at one of the presentations. Neato. I can just imagine how that conversation will go.
"Hi Shelagh I'm Howard Glassman, I use to be on the Radio in Toronto too."
"Hi Howard, I've never heard of you, were you working Air Traffic Control?"
At any rate I'm thrilled to be going to back the The Jaw for something of the non-maudlin variety.
I just hope these Festival people don't discover what a huge mistake they've made and rough me up. Check out the whole line-up here.
I'm hosting a big Gala with Murray and Ian and one of the organizers wrote this note yesterday.
Hi Mr. Glassman:
I am finalizing the details for the Saturday night (July 21) performance
at the Festival of Words. I don't have a contract rider for you and I
was wondering if you have any food or drink requests (other than bottled
water) that you would like us to have for you for your performance?
I wrote back that I just needed water. I should have been more creative.
Yes I will need my own dressing room with black drapes on the wall.
4 sacks of baking flour.
2 bottles of Tequila and a carton of chocolate milk.
1 suckling pig, 1 non-suckling.
1 French hen, 2 turtle doves.
A slinky.
An etch-a-sketch.
A blow up doll and a package of red hots.
Posted by Humble on July 4, 2007 @ 09:17|Permalink
NEW DRIVEL ALERT NEW DRIVEL ALERT
I'm up and out early so the new drivel won't be arriving until mid-day.
Check back three, four, five times a day for new HhDotcom content.
Hope you had a great long weekend.
h
Posted by Humble on July 3, 2007 @ 07:03|Permalink
One year ago today....
Wow, time flies when you're not working.
One year ago today I did my last show on the Radio.
I said goodbye on the air with some smart ass comment like "I'll be going on holidays for a couple of weeks and I'll see you around the middle of July...I hope!"
You see here's the thing.
I knew I was being fired. I had a feeling for some time that things weren't right and I had been joking with Bingo Bob that this was probably our last show.
I hoped I was wrong.
I wasn't.
One year ago today I left the Radio station and me and the girls went on our best family vacation ever.
When I returned I was fired and I've been fired ever since.
One year ago already.
Time flies when your not introducing Maroon 5.
One year ago today I went from being a guy on the Radio to being a Radio guy without a gig.
Honestly, in some ways the best year of my life.
I'm fascinated to see what the next 12 months will bring.
Hey you. Yeah you reading this. Thanks. I appreciate your interest. I do.
This week more of you read this blog than at any other time since I started last September.
Wednesday had the most visitors ever.
So thanks.
I also had some interesting feedback from a couple of gals on the Paris Hilton entry
from Soccer Mom and Sue.
Soccer Mom said...
This whole thing is totally out of control. It originally started with her drinking and driving and then ignoring her inexcusable behavior because she believed she was too good to abied by the law. She and he sympathetic supporters need to go sit in front of families who had lost a loved one to a drunk driver to get the reality and understand the severity of what she has done. I say shame on the media for sweeping under the rug the reason she was deservedly there in the first place. This whole thing is very warped/twisted and sad.
Sue said...
I totally agree with Soccer Mom-Larry has never held a lot of credibility with me, but to boot Michael Moore(who was supposed to be on his show rather than this twit) off the show is pretty ridiculous. I am really saddened by the fact that there is so much interest in this spoiled rotten and brainless person. Is this what we've come to as a society? Who might she be a role model for? I wish she would just go away, but unfortunately there's too much interest in her antics and she knows it and will continue to use the media to gain attention. I think the other pathetic part of this story is all of her supporters who were there when she was released-get a life!
Thanks chicks. I appreciate all your comments and thanks again to all who come for the daily drivel that spills from this keyboard.
Have a great long weekend.
h
Dumbest Person on the Planet Speaks to Larry King.
Larry King has got to be kidding.
Seriously.
This is what it's come to. He's now interviewing Paris Hilton about her "Jail Time." All 23 or so days of it.
She talks like she did hard time at Sing Sing.
I missed this last night but it reaches an all time low for Stupid TV.
Check it.
Pay special attention to the note Paris reads at the end.
(Okay, she's still juicy but so is a good steak. A steak might have the edge in brains.)
Hello.
I had some "What the hell's wrong with the computer" problems last night and this morning.
I don't know, some server issue or whatever.
Randee fixed it though.
Fluke I say.
Anyway, I have to go out of town today so there will be no new drivel.
New drivel will begin pumping again first thing Thursday morning.
In the meantime I suggest you back and read some of your favorite HHDotCom drivel from days gone by.
h
Posted by Humble on June 27, 2007 @ 07:44|Permalink
Attention Much Older Brothers...You're Smart.
(Apparently the guy on the far right is the smartest, followed by the guy in the middle followed by me...the Dummy!)
According to the front page of The Star a recent study found that the eldest child had the highest IQ.
I could have told you that.
My older Brother Dave is by far the smartest. Steve is the second smartest.
I'm just the best looking and funniest and have the biggest hog.
The study said the elder children score an average of 2.3 points higher than the next sibling in line.
The study also said the middle child, while slightly smarter than the baby, would also cruelly never hire him even though he's incredibly talented and good looking.
But before my two somewhat smarter Brothers get carried away, the article pointed out that Darwin was the fifth of six kids, Copernicus was the youngest of four and Descartes the youngest of three.
All brilliant, younger, funny...more handsome and hung.
Posted by Humble on June 22, 2007 @ 08:34|Permalink
Van Morrison, late night soccer and speaking.
I gave another of my little "funny motivational" speeches yesterday. Seemed to go over well and I'm getting more and more confident.
My sermon is called "Failing to Succeed" and I talk about how I've tried and failed at any number of things on my way to career mediocrity.
I should call it Unemployment Loves Company.
I got several nice comments including this one.
"I really enjoyed your nuggets!"
Which I found out after meant little bits of wisdom. Damm I was thinking I may get some new side action. (Note to Randee. I'm kidding. I don't need any side action your all the chick I need.)
Charlie played her first game under the lights last night. Very cool but very late. Got her home at 10:45 and off to bed at 11.
I love going to games with her for any number of reasons but the ride there and back with her alone is one of the best.
It's those talks in the car that I remember with my Dad. He never yelled at me during my Hockey games but he always had some words of encouragement on the ride home.
She still seems to want to hear what I have to say about her performance so I'm enjoying every minute of it.
I know the day is coming soon when she won't be that interested.
Finally I was doing my "business" this morning and I read that Van Morrison is coming to the Humming Bird Centre July 5.
Ok. That's nice. But then I read that tickets are on sale for $218 dollars for any seat in the house.
$218! Are you freaking kidding me?
Van comes out, does Into the Mystic, Brown eyed Girl and Moondance and you want us to fork over a couple of hundred bucks.
Unless Van picks me up, takes me for dinner and then lets me sit beside him on stage, he's not getting my $218.
"Hey Daddy, someones at the door."
"That's just Van Morrison honey, tell him I'll be right there."
It's been a while since I've done some FAQ's and I thought I'd bring you new HHDotCom peeps up to speed.
All the big sites have a section where you can go to get answers to the most common questions of that sites users.
Here's how the bit began.
The rest are in the archives under FAQ's.(Really? Wow, who'd of thunk it.)
So here once again some HHDotCom Frequently Asked Questions.
How are you? Why, what have you heard. Are you any closer to a job? Yes and no. Yes my wife might be getting one, me, not so much. Are you enjoying your time off? Yes I like cleaning the pool and doing the Sudoku. I've finally found my calling. How come your so sarcastic? How come you ask so many questions? I'm just doing my job. Really "I'm just doing my job!". At least you have one. Do you need a minute? No. I'm fine. Do you have a tissue. What time do you get up now? Usually around 7 or not at all. What time do you go to bed. Usually around 11 then I wake up at my old time of 3:15 and just whimper myself back to sleep. You've been out of work nearly a year do you miss being on the Radio. I used to be on the Radio? Yes, for many years, don't you remember? I remember something vaguely about fart jokes and giving out the weather but that's about it. What will you do now? Uh I'm going to take a shower and change my under-pants. No I mean for a living? You mean I don't get paid to take a shower and change my under-pants? Any prospects? Yes, I'm hoping to catch on with Baskin and Robbins before the Summers' over and then I'll go on unemployment.
I must be dreaming. I guess I heard this but it was so preposterous that it couldn't be true.
Premier Dalton McGuinty promised that if he were elected in the Fall that he wouldn't raise taxes. Come on. Really. He said that? Wow that guy has some big nuts. I'm no Dalton basher, it's too easy, but you've got to be joking me that after all the broken promises he would even wade into that lie-infested cesspool.
Member last time when he promised not to raise taxes and he did? (Blamed it on not knowing the extent of the deficit left by the Tories.)
Great excuse. "We're dense!"
Glad we elected you.
Truth is the best disguise. Just be straight and say, "Hey we can't promise anything, we'll probably raise your taxes and a bunch of other stuff you won't like but we still think we can do some good so whaddya say?"
I'd rather hear that then "Elect us and we won't raiser your taxes....again!"
I'm off to Ottawa to golf with my pal's Lumby and Danny K, whose son Adam can kick all our
asses.
Hope you have a great rest-of-the week and I'll be back with some fresh crap Saturday or Sunday.
Bewell,
h
Yahhhhh Another American team won The Stanley Cup!!!!!
Why are these stupid Senators celebrating? They didn't win the Stanley Cup!)
America keeps the cup and Ontario celebrates!
Quite the headline. Sadly that's how a lot of people here feel and that's too bad.
I was watching Charlie play soccer last night(yes for the 9th time this week) and one of the Other Dads asked if I was cheering for Ottawa.
I said no but I'd like to see them keep the series alive to at least give their fans one more home game. Sucky eh?
Fans that support a team deserve something in return as opposed to the Ass-Bang that Leaf Fans get from their team every year.
But hey Nik Andropov has been resigned.
The Star actually had a story about the Leafs today, about who's been signed and who's a free agent. The gist of the article was that the team was going to be basically unchanged for next year.
Well there's some good news.
The season is over and now it's been 15 years since a Canadian team has won the Cup.)
In the end the Leaf Fans can say Ottawa choked, Alfredson's an dick, ABO rules!(Anyone but Ottawa).
But you know if the Sens were my kid during the drive home I'd still say,
"Good Job lil Sens. Even though you didn't win you still made it to the finals and that's better than almost everyone else. Now lets' go get a Blizzard."
Many of you know my friend David White.
We fly together and very often laugh our heads off like little girls.
Here's Dave now.
Hi Dave.
Hmm. This is strange, Dave's not saying anything, this isn't like him. Normally he's a Chatty Cathy.
Dave is very smart.
Dave's brain is the size of a Port-a-Potty.
Maybe Dave's all quiet cause IT'S DAVE'S BIRTHDAY AND TODAY HE'S VERY OLD.
Happy Birthday Dave.
Here's some sobering information. Dave is 43. Way into middle age.
When Dave was born all the way back in 1964 people gave smokes to babies.
The Indianapolis winner, A.J.Foyt won going 147 MPH. Dave's Mini goes faster.
Movies cost $1.25, gas was 30 cents a gallon and the average income was $6 grand a year.
6 grand! Dave has more than that in his pockets right now!
Times have changed Birthday Boy but one thing is constant. Today's your Birthday and you are a very old man.
Enjoy.
The Senators lost last night and the Anaheim Mighty Ducks are one win away from winning the Stanly Cup.
Happy now Leaf Fans? Is the excruciating jealousy trip just about over?
I hope so.
Some of my very good friends are Leaf Fans and I want this horrible horrible time to finally be finished.
Soon it will be Summer and this nasty Ottawa mess can be a thing of the past and then it will Fall and training camp and the fantasy that This Might Be the Year can begin again.
I can't wait for the first time the Sens come to town and the Leafs beat them and all the Leaf Fans can all say "See, that's how you do it.!"
Then we can all pretend Ottawa never got to the Stanly Cup final at all.
Schwarzenegger's in town, quick let's all act like Asses.
Didn't this used to be Arnold? Now he's all "Governor Schwarzenegger."
I'm okay with it. I am. It seems the bulk of the media can't get passed it.
All day long I've heard every manner of news casts making snide/sly remarks in reference to Ahnold being in town and I kinda of thought it was immature and disrespectful. Yes I know, this coming from me, Mr. Immature+disrespectful. It's just that the guy is the leader of a state with a population bigger than our whole country, he's smart, savvy and has been in charge for some time. You'd think our little small-town media would have gotten over it already.
Then theres' the politicians getting all goofy cause he used to be a big movie star. I understand it must be cool for a guy like Dalton Mcguinty who may be the biggest nerd to ever run a province, but jeez louiz Mr Premier get a grip. At least try and act nonchalant. At one point Mr. Dalton was trying to make some Arnold-movie reference and it just came out all awkward and embarrassing.
Of course AS plays it up too, I think just to put everyone else at ease. In one conference he was referring to the Ducks/Sens series and he said, "Like in my movies, you know I'm not much on dialogue but more about action!" Or some such Ahnold-thing. Sounds cooler when you hear him say it.
Anyway, for the most part it was funny listening/reading/watching how we all reacted to the head of the great State of Cawlee-forniah. But really Toronto media, enough with the snide and cheap shots.
I mean if the dude weren't from Austria he'd probably end up President.
He still might.
Posted by Humble on May 31, 2007 @ 08:49|Permalink
Golf Tourny, Charity Concert, Hire my Wife already!
My lawyers kid Robbie Roth is a talented New York musician/composer/arranger who's back in town and is promoting this thing. Sounds like a great event.
(June 5th) at The Phoenix Concert Theatre in Toronto.
As part of the White Ribbon Campaign to End Violence Against Women, many of Canada's top musicians will be performing in a tribute concert to Neil Young.
I will be Music Directing the event, and performing in the band alongside a few great friends.
Artists who are scheduled to perform with us at the event include:
Ron Sexsmith...Jill Barber...Kevin, Andy and Tyler of the Barenaked Ladies...
Luke Doucet...Chris Brown...Kim Mitchell...
Thornley...Jeremy Fisher...Justin Rutledge...
Emilie-Claire Barlow...Melanie Doane...Kathryn Rose, and many others.
I guarantee a great concert for a great cause.
Tickets are available at www.ticketmaster.ca or by calling Ticketmaster at 416-870-8000.
Next item. The LKTYP golf tourney June 25th at Glen Abbey. Some of you may know I volunteer with this great children's theatre in Toronto and this is our final fundraiser of the year.
It's going to be a great day at an amazing golf course and a good portion of the dough is tax-deductible. We only have a few foursomes left and I'd love for you to be there.
I won't crap you; it's not cheap but it is Glen Abbey and it will be a lot of fun.
If you'd like to go or want more information e-mail me at CometoMyTourney@HumbleHoward.com.
Finally it's time to hire my wife. Unlike me she wants a job and she's getting sick of hanging out with HHDotcom-guy.
I know this seems weird but I figured since all of you are in my network I'd use this forum to tell you that Randee is ready to work for you NOW!
She has a strong marketing and promotions background and would be the perfect addition to your team. I'm serious. She's loyal, hard-working and talented. Not to mention cute and funny and will show up on time and give 110% game in and game out.
If you know anyone who's looking for that kind of person e-mail me at Hiremywife@humblehoward.com.
Yes let's get her a job so I don't have to.
Posted by Humble on May 29, 2007 @ 10:10|Permalink
The Star is so Goooooood Loooooking.
Have you checked out the new look Toronto Star yet?
Not bad, not bad.
They've narrowed the size and done something to the type and font and I must say it looks good.
I'd like to write for The Star but they already have funny man Lynwood Barclay. I would love his job.
Jot down a few tid-bits about this and that, slap it together 3-4 times a week and your making a living.
Kinda what I do with this blog only for money and lots of it.
Anyway I like what they've done even though a lot of their politics is a little Lefty. Okay a lot Lefty. But that's cool, it's still the best paper in the city with the best writers and the biggest circulation by a ton.
One of the new sections is called Living and Entertainment and today it had a little piece about the Daily Rituals of the Average Canadian.
What time we wake up/go to bed, make with the sexy, when we shower, brush our teeth ect.
Kind of interesting.
I thought it might be revealing for you HHDotCom readers to see what my daily rituals have become now that I am no longer employed.
HHDotCOM-Guys Daily Rituals.
7:00 am: Wake up after long night of Tossing and Turning and Fretting.
7:10 am: Call to dog for early morning scratching/licking/biting session. Also say hi to wife and kids.
8:00 am: Read paper, drink coffee, eat breakfast, make business. Not at same time.
8:30 am: Attempt Sudoku.
8:45 am: Throw out Sudoku in frustration.
9-11 am: Update Hi-freakin-Larious HHDotCom.
11-1 pm: Drive downtown to score Meth.
1-3:30: Wander around in Meth-enduced haze.
4:00 pm: Children come home from school-wonder why Daddy's "napping."
6:00 pm: Check HHdotCom Stats. Cry. Open wine.
7-10 pm: Watch TV, ponder aimless existence, put children to bed.
10:00pm:Go to bed, Toss, Turn, and Fret until morning.
Repeat.
Posted by Humble on May 28, 2007 @ 11:00|Permalink
IT's back! HHDot Com is up again.
Hey that was weird.
7 days and I haven't been able to write you anything. Like not having any phone or having the Satellite dish down or running out of waffles.
Dang I've felt like all my pals were out of town and I had no one to play with.
I'd like to be able to explain why you weren't able to read anything I wrote for the past week but I'm not really sure.
A) It has something to do with my Server being cheap and crappy.
B) Mostly A.
C) Also the Tech support people are all in India and they aren't being paid enough to give a rat's ass.
In the meantime lots' of stuff has happened.
-Jordin has won American Idol (I'm writing this before the results show, but she Blew it out Dog!)
-I've seen Shrek 3, Spiderman 3 and a great episode of the Soprano's.
-I opened our pool and declared it "Pristine."
-I seem to have gotten quite fat and grown some tiny "man" boobs.
-I've been to 2 soccer practices and a game and still have 3 more game/practices left this week.
-I received a ton of e-mails wondering where my lazy ass was and why I'm not writing anything.
Sorry for the break.
I can tell by my stats that plenty of you still came here for the last few days trying to see if there was anything new.
I'm glad to report that the break is over and the crap will flow again.
After a flight from LA I land in Montreal. I've been hired by CJFM to be the side-kick with my good friend Jeff Lumby on his show The Breakfast Club.(Yes that was actually the name.)
I've been out of Radio for nearly 4 years, doing stand up all over North America. Sick of the road and tired of being firmly in the Middle of the Pack I get a gig back on the air.
Jeff picks me up and drives me to the station to say hello.
The offices on are on Fort and St. Catherines, just East of the Old Forum. We go up the elevator and when the doors open the first person we run into is this cute redhead.
Lumby says,"This is Randee, she's interning in Promotions and with the newsroom and it's her birthday!"
"Happy Birthday Randee," I say. (I was very smooth.)
We started dating a week later. (By "Dating" I mean "doing it.")
We moved in together 3 months after.
We got married 18 months to the day.
We've been together 19 years as of today May 18th.
Moving to Montreal was the best decision I've ever made because of meeting her. The best decision by far.
It's hard to say what she see's in me but whatever it is I'm grateful and lucky. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANDEE. HAPPY 19TH YEAR. I LOVE YOU!
(Sound of old time teletype)
This morning at approximately 5 am a huge storm raged in the Oakville area. Great flashes of lightening and thunder followed by heavy rain and at times hail, woke members of the Glassman family.
Howard Glassman, already awake and fretting by this time was visited by his eldest daughter Charlie and a request was made to "come sleep with me in the spare room."
Glassman, who has very few responsibilities these days jumped at the chance to be usefull.
Charlie immediately went back to sleep, while father Howard continued stewing and fretting while listening to the storm rage on. The one outside, not the one in Howard's already noisy skull.
The lesson?
Thunderbolt and lightening very very frightening.
Me.
Galileo. Galileo.Galileo.
Figaro.
The search for the UP Aerospace payload of experiments and the cremated remains of some 200 people — including Scotty of "Star Trek" fame as well as pioneering NASA Mercury astronaut Gordon Cooper — continues within New Mexico's rugged mountain landscape.
After a successful blastoff from New Mexico's Spaceport America on April 28, the UP Aerospace SpaceLoft XL rocket and its payload nosed into space on a suborbital trajectory. As part of launch operations, the rocket was tracked by specialists at the neighboring White Sands Missile Range.
While all went well with the flight, the rocket components parachuted into rough-and-tumble terrain. Repeated searches within the landing zone have come up empty.
So let's review. The guy who played the Engineer of the Star Ship Enterprise, gets his ashes blasted into space and then something goes wrong with re-entry and now they can't find the remains.
Is that about it?
I'm I the only one who hears his voice in my head saying, "Aye dunno how much longer aye can hold er Capn!"
Yes? No.
I'll take "Ironic things that are sad" for 20 Alex.
Posted by Humble on May 10, 2007 @ 22:24|Permalink
I've got to run out but.......Check this out??
I have to go , (yes more meetings, no not about a job.) but I just caught this in the Star.
Did you Leaf Fans know the team had raised ticket prices again? I guess this happened last week but I just saw it.
Are you kidding?
40 years without a cup, x number out of the playoffs and the cost goes up?
I was joking that for the 40th anniversary the team should have lopped 40% percent off the ticket cost but I didn't think they'd have the audacity to RAISE the price.
Holy Crap.
Well done MLSE. Way to remind the Leaf fans of what saps you think they are.
Check out this story of how much more the team will make form broadcast rights.
Geez fellas, ya might want to give a little kiss or something before you tail-bone the faithful.
No don't spaz out I'm not going to be working with the Legendary Morning Trio. I am however going to be appearing on the show today around 8:40 promoting hearing awareness month for the Canadian Hearing Society.
In case you didn't know I'm the honorary Chairmen for the Deaf for a Day campaign-I wrote about it last week hereand here.
-and RR and M were nice enough to have me on to promote it.
It's going to be weird.
1) Being on their show after competing with it for so long...mostly unsuccessfully and...
2) They are Legends and I am pipsqueak-ish.
3) What if the three of them push me back and forth until I fall down and skin my knees.
Actually I have met all three and they are very nice. They'll probably have someone else push me back and forth for them.
True story: I've been friends with Marilyn since we both lived in Calgary. The first time we met I was Frenching her roommate and she walked in. I don't remember the girls name but I've been pals with MD ever since.
Never French-kissed her though.
Yet.
300 days off.
I've had 300 days off since we went on vacation last July 1...give or take.
I've been thinking about what that's meant.
No getting up at 3:15am.
No going to bed at 9:30.
No show prep. No PD meetings. No sales people, no remotes.
No Radio.
That's the obvious stuff. Obviously I haven't been on the air, cept the interviews I've done promoting my book.
Do I miss it? Yes and no.
Yes I miss the people in the office, listeners, and especially the folks I worked with.
No I don't miss getting up in the middle of the night, being scrutinized by management and getting up in the middle of the night.
300 days off. The most time I've had away from a job in nearly 20 years.
Yes I've got a lot of things on the go, and I go to a lot of meetings. I have a great family and a lot of great people I hang with.
But truthfully like a lot of out-of-work people, after 300 days what I mostly feel is bored.
Define boredom.
The other day I spent 20 minutes trying to get the perfect shot of my dog humping a slipper.
The Gil Deacon Show has been canceled. Hey, it's not my fault I was only 3 times for crying out loud. It usually takes way longer for shows I've done to tank.
I feel bad for her though. She's a good chick and I'm sure they'll find something else for her.
Why they've said as much themselves. Check it here.
Yesterday I was on and it was a lot of fun. I was not Shushed and other than starting a thought right at the end of the segment, I thought it went well.
Considering my level of self-loathing that's saying something.
I believe the thing airs Monday at 11am and 2pm and you should PVR it if for no other reason than at more than one point I have a paper bag over my head. I'm not kidding.
I have to go do the Gil Deacon show but on my way out I saw this in the Star.
It's about the rebirth of Moose Jaw and its status as the leader in tourist growth in the country.
Seriously. Have a look here.
I've been writing for some time about our lad Tucker the 5 pound Miki dog and his two slippers. His "bitches" so to speak. He drags them around the house and quite regularly give them the business. I mean he gives it to them. It's quite something to see. Intimidating really.
Well yesterday I was a bit bored in the late afternoon. The oldest had come through the house with her posse and they went out to a park and the youngest had yet to be dropped off.
So I spent the better part of 20 minutes stalking Tucker trying to capture him in full on Slipper-humping action..
If you google Hot Steamy Miki Love this is what you'll see.
Tucker Getting Ready
Tucker Almost There.
Tucker in Full-On Slipper Love
See now when my kids ask me "So daddy what did you do today?" At least I'll have something to say!
As some of you already know I've been chosen to be the Provincial Chair for the Canadian Hearing Societies Deaf for a Day campaign. Today is the day we kick off the month long awareness campaign and I'm pretty excited. Today, myself Michael Burgess and some others will be made to feel what deaf people have to go through every day.
It's quite an adventure and I'll let you know all about it in Wednesdays edition of the drivel-fest known as Hh.com.
If you need to know some stuff right now go here.
Attention Men get somone to look up your Bum. Do it now.
Prostate cancer is one of those very avoidable cancers that sometimes goes undiagnosed out of embarrassment.
Too bad cause if caught early it's also one of those cancers that's very curable.
Guys go have your butts looked at and checked.
I bring this up today because the Star featured an interesting story about a new prostate-cancer screening test that could replace the not always reliable PSA test. Read it here.
It did mention that this wouldn't reduce the need for rectal exams...Yahhh!
Seriously the article reminded me that it's a guy thing and easily avoided so dudes go have your keister's looked at. More butt-cancer info here.
Well some great stuff is happening.
I've been involved with LKTYP for past few years and I love that organization.
Next month I'm the Provincial Chair for the Canadian Hearing Societies "Deaf for a Day" campaign, which is going to be amazing.
Now I've been elected to the Board of Directors of the Canadian International Air Show.
(It's a good thing I don't have a job!)
The CIAS is something I've been interested in for a while. One of my best pals DW is a big part of it and I decided that it's something I'd like to be involved in.
The work in this group is done mainly by volunteers and committee heads. Which is a good thing since I know almost nothing about the show except it involves a lot of cool airplanes.
I'll be updating you about the event as it gets closer but I thought I'd give you the heads up on my latest venture now.
The Board was voted in last night and besides me (Unemployed DJ-comic) the other new members included an ATC guy from Pearson (cool) and a former freakin SnowBird (way cool)
That's right I'm going to be hanging with a guy that used to be in the SnowBirds. Okay I'm in.
This is going to be a great experience and one I hope to be able to contribute to somehow. At the very least I'll just try and stay out of the way and look at the neat airplanes.
Go here for CIAS info.
I'm going to Paris for 99 Dollars!...No wait a second....
Zoom Airlines has an ad in the paper today touting their "5th Anniversary Sale U.K. and Paris $99!"
I'm like, "I have 99 bucks, come on honey let's go!"
Then you look at the fine print. I had to put on my old-guy glasses. Fares are one way on select May and June departures when return tickets are purchased. Tax excluded and subject to availability.
No shite sherlock.
So let's review 99 is really 200 if the seats are available and you want to go before Summer, not to mention the taxes will be double that.
Okay, 4-600 is still not bad. But it's not 99.
Then I read Based on price availability online...
Really.
I'm guessing that will narrow the playing field down to pretty much no one.
Still for a second this morning while I was attending to my "business" I thought I might be on my way to Paris.
Hell for 99 bucks I was going to take all of you!
Posted by Humble on April 24, 2007 @ 09:45|Permalink
Summer was here on the Weekend.
Holy crap what a difference 7 days makes.
Sunday April 15th. I'm outside from 3pm -7pm watching Charlie play soccer. My buddy Geoff and I are so cold we start to whimper like children. It's minus 10 easy with the wind chill and at one point I yell to the coaches, "Hey isn't that just about enough soccer for now? I can't feel my feet!"
Sunday April 22nd. I'm outside from 1:30 to 3:30 watching Charlie play soccer. My buddy Geoff is wearing shorts and chilling. I'm wearing jeans and I'm frying my ass off. I love this country!
It was 24 or so degrees yesterday and it was a great afternoon.
Apres soccer I spent 2 hours doing stuff including un-burlaping some Pine trees that I had burlaped in the Fall. I raked and swept and garbaged and then I had my first post-yard work beer of the new year and it was awesome! Seriously it was one of those beers where no other beverage could have been substituted for it. It was the first Summer Beer of the season and I loved it.
It's nice to think that we could be looking forward to the next 5 months of similar weather.
Of course this being Canada we might be shoveling snow again next weekend.
To the surprise of no one strange lil Sanjaya was voted off American Idol last night.
It was a cute diversion for a while but now we can get down to the real singers like that Doolittle chick and Lakisha.(Not so little.)
Blake may be the only guy singer that has a shot and sweet Jordan may surprise a few people cause she justs gets better every week.
If the preceding information gave you the impression that I give more than a passing rats-ass about any of it I'm sorry. Oh sure I watch it but only for Simon Cowell and those cool Ford music videos, they're the neatest!
I will say I like Ryan Seacrest more than I used to. I used to think he was a dweeb but after seeing him do that job for a few years now, I'm starting to respect his ability. He handles the contestants and the TV mechanics and the Judges in just the right way. He is like-able but he stands his ground and he supports the singers in a way that doesn't make me want to puke.
Idol notes:
Fergie performed last night. She is freaking delicious. I may have to make her my new side-action.
Simon had to apologize for a misunderstanding.
Randy's hat was stupid.
So is Paula
One of the most Regular Readers of my stuff is Randee's mom. She is by far one of my biggest supporters and I appreciate and love her a lot. Even for a Mother-in-law!
She's a pretty hip chick(older-chick) who's been everything from a mom to a teacher, securities analyst to a fairly decent gambler.
She was over last night and revealed to me that she has her own blog.
Yes it's buborama. Named after her 2 loves, being a Bubby(grandma) and Rama.
Believe me, they love her at Rama too.(Buh bye inheritance!)
Check out the Bub's Blog here.
Good luck.
Say hi to Zach Johnson.
Hi Zach. Congratulations.
Tiger played as bad a final round/major tournament-in-contention as I've seen him do for a while.
No sour grapes, just disappointment. I'll talk about that later.
In the meantime Augusta National was a bit more benign yesterday and a bunch of guys took advantage. Retief Goosen played well-69, as did Rory Sabbatini-also 69 and the winner Zach J another 69.
In fact it seemed everyone played better except for He Who Usually Wins. He played crap.
It was still emotional to see such a great guy's life change.
In this sport you win a Major and your on a different level, a win at Augusta means you're part of a rich history.
You win the Masters, you're a Masters Champion for the rest your life.
Notes:
Mike Weir had a nice last round-71 and finished T-20.
Phil Mickelson tripled the first hole and was done about 18 minutes after he started.
The green jacket ceremony is still as awkward as getting caught necking with your sister-in-law. Not that I'd mind that, all of my sister-in-laws are juicy.
I'm not saying I fantasize about my sister-in-laws, I'm just saying that Butler Cabin thing is awkward.
I'd much rather watch my some necking session involving my sister-in-law.
Oh forget it.
More Notes:
It sucks to be a Leaf Fan. Those arse-wad NY Islanders beat New Jersey in a shoot out to knock the Leafs into the golf season.
Simple solution...play better earlier.
The same could be said about Tiger.
Police raided Hells Angels clubhouse across the country yesterday including the largest one on Eastern Avenue.
I was there.
No, not because I'm a Hells Angel. I gave that up years ago.
No, not because I'm a member of The Press. I gave that up almost a year ago.
No, I was on my way to a studio for a voice-over audition and I witnessed the whole caffuffle.
It's not often you get a first-hand look at a real caffuffle but there it was and there I was.
The clubhouse wall had a huge hole in it where I guess the police rushed in. Why they didn't use the door, I don't know.
When I wandered by at around 10:15 the place was surrounded by TV reporters all dressed in
dark coats. I wonder where their clubhouse is?
A few of us citizens watched as several police were unscrewing some sort of devil-heads that were attached to a concrete facade.
This seemed to fascinate the TV reporters to no end, mainly cause there was nothing else going on.
At that point I had to go, Eastern Avenue was jammed. I guess others wanted to observe an actual caffuffle in progress.
As I left I had some strange lingering thoughts.
"Who's going to fix that big hole?"
"Do the people in the neighborhood feel more or less safe now?"
"Were those devil-head things a house warming gift?"
Posted by Humble on April 5, 2007 @ 07:43|Permalink
Tiger Woods will win The Masters if......
You know Tiger is my favorite. I won’t rehash why but he is and that’s that.
I’ve been watching this golf tournament for a long time and it’s by far the one I like the best.
The drama, the history, the course are all stellar. I’ve been lucky enough to walk the course and TV doesn’t do it justice.
This was the first golf I remember watching with my Dad and over the years it rarely disappoints me as a sporting event.
Jack in 86, Larry Mize chipping on Norman, Faldo winning in a playoff, Couples in 92 and that ball that hung there on the bank at 12, Normans agonizing collapse in 96, the worst choke-job most of us have ever seen, Mike Weir-Masters Champion in 2003…the coolest ever.
All of this was exciting and seemed to happen so often at Augusta.
Then there was Tiger.
In 1997 Tiger Woods had already won 3 PGA tournaments but there were still some vets on the Tour that were grumbling about This Rookie and all the attention he was getting.
“Let’s see how he does under the pressure of a Major” They said.
Well in 1997 we all saw. He blew the field away and won by 12.
The Masters and golf hasn’t been the same since.
Tiger Wood will win The Masters if…….
He plays half-ways decent.
He has the lead after Friday or Saturday.
He putts even average.
He hits the odd fairway.
He doesn’t eat anything that makes him sick.
He doesn’t get tired from excessive Elin-Humping.
And finally, Tiger Woods will win The Masters if….
Phil Mickelson doesn’t.
Phil’s the only other guy who has figured Augusta out and I’ve got to say he can win this tournament too.
In the Star today though I loved what he said about comparing himself to Tiger. Remember he's the closest competition Tiger has in the game. …..in his wildest dreams he would win 20 more tournaments, including seven more majors, "and that would give me 50 wins and 10 majors, which would be an awesome career, and I still wouldn't get to where he's at today. So I don't try to compare myself against him."
Posted by Humble on April 4, 2007 @ 09:41|Permalink
The Slime That Men Do-Finally, someone's buying it!!!!
I had this vision. It looked like this. (Cut to dreamy music and shimmering effect and fade out and up on.....)
I'm standing in a sea of Women who are smiling and laughing when they see the title The Slime That Men Do. Most of them "Get it!" Many of them buy it and life is good.
That was my vision in late December when I gathered my Slime marketing team (Wife Randee and publishing partner Jason) and said "We're going to sell the book at Bridal Shows!"
This was met with a combination of blank stares and mockery.
My argument was simple. Let's take the book to where there are lots of Women.
Seemed to make sense except at Bridal shows the Chicks aren't buying. They are there to look and get ideas and because they're newly engaged to the Man of their Dreams... THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT SLIMY GUYS!
I found this out the hard way.
3 different failed shows and a Ladies ski day later I was undeterred. (which is one of those fun words to say quickly cause it sound like your saying "I was under-a-turd!)
I kept thinking there has to be someplace where this will work.
This past weekend we did something called LifeFest at the Metro TO Convention Center and all of a sudden my Vision came true. (Cut back to dreamy music and shimmering effects)
The place was jammed with Women-nearly 30 thousand of them and all in some kind of freebie gathering/buying mood.
Very many of them wandered by our Slime That Men Do booth.
Very many of them laughed out loud at the Title.
Very many of them bought the book. Finally.
We sold more books this past weekend than we did at all the other shows combined.
More importantly we'll be able to give more money to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation.
For me it was great to finally see the book meet the audience it was intended for and for the two of them to get along so nicely.
The Juno's were moved to 10 pm last night because The Amazing Race had some prime time special and so our "Grammies" got pushed back.
Bad move.
The CTV spin guy said some crap about "Well this will be a great lead-in, blah blah...." This would be true if the lead in were at 7, but 10 pm was too late, I think.
Maybe it's just that I start to get tired at 10, maybe I'm just getting old
"You kids turn that music down for crying out loud I can't hear myself think!!"
I'm only a couple of years away from saying that.
Maybe I already have and I just can't remember.
I could be wrong, the number's will be out later today. Whatever they are, they could have been better if it had started at 8pm.
Having said all that I read that the show was well done and Nelly Furtado did a great job as host and as winner of everything.
Apparently she won all the awards and no one cared because she's so freaking hot.
I had the chance to interview her a couple of years ago just after she'd had her baby and I remember her as sweet, funny and cute, but not SFH.(So freaking Hot!) (Sweet/Cute!) (SFH)
In fact the first time I saw the Promiscuous video I didn't realize it was her.
She deserves every success and congrats on being SFH.
This news is 3 months old but I thought you should know.
He and I have been friends since 1978 and I'm so happy for him it's as though I had a job too.
Okay, not quite but close.
Lumby has wanted back in the business for some time and it seems this new gig is a great fit.
He's the new morning guy at Dave Fm in Kitchener/Cambridge and things are going very well.
He's got lots of fans in the area and he is replacing the Ben and Jerry show which is now on the air at Jack Fm. I don't know if they're any good but I like their ice cream very much. Especially crunchy monkey.
Here is Jeff's picture.
(actual size)
This is a link to his MySpace page. Check out some of his on-air "bits" especially his CSI impression, very funny/good.
Give my pal a listen if you can, or turn him on at home. (The streaming comes in very nicely.)
The last time I was out of a gig he gave me a hand so who knows, I may end up as his valet and driver yet again.
While I was away I received many nice e-mails, but none as great as the one from Mr. Idris Mustafa.
He needs me to do him simple favor and he'll give me $600, 000.
I like Mr. Idris Mustafa.
Dearest Beloved,
That's me!
Please kindly go through this letter before you pass judgment because I am in need of assistance. Okay. I am Mr. Idris Mustafa the son of late Dr. Malik Mustafa from Sierra Leone. I must confess my agitation is real, and my words is my bond, in this proposal.
My late father happens to be in control of a large number of farms including cattle’s and many sheep before he was poisoned by his foreign business partners in Paris with my mother in one of their farmers association meetings because of greed. That happened to me once.
But before his death my late father deposited some amount of money outside our country in bank at the tone of Four Million United States Dollars $4,000.000.00. So I and my little sister are no longer safe here as the present government of Sierra Leone are working with almost all the killers of my late father as one of them has been just be made a minister, name undisclosed because of security reasons. Of course.
Furthermore we have contacted the bank where the money is deposited and the bankers let us understand that they signed an agreement with our late father that the total money must be transferred into his foreign business partner account undisclosed to them and that is the major reason why i am contacting you now for assistance. Uh dude, I didn't even know your father.
All I needed from you now is your full names and address including your direct and personal telephone number for easy communication as you know that this transaction is a very confidential one.
Sure.
Desmond FlexinTuchas
611 NotMyRealAddress, Toronto Ontaridoodle, L6T-NoF'ing Way.
Please Kindly get back to me immediately after you must have gone through my message, feel free and make it urgent. That is the reason why I offered you 15 % of the total money amount, and in case of any other necessary expenses you might incur during this transaction. Okee Dokee. And promise me and my younger sister to be a good guardian considering our situation and not
to betray us. You can live with me and the rest of the FexinTuchas's on our ranch in the sky!
Best regards
Mr. Idris Mustafa
The only thing I don't understand is how Mr. Idris Mustafa picked me out of everyone on the internet to do him this favor?
Hmmmm. I wonder if he's the same guy who wants me to buy that knock-off Viagra, get a new mortgage and put a patch on my wee wee to make it bigger.
The family and I are back in Toronto and I'll try to just throw out some highlights.
We've never been on a cruise and it was amazing. I wrote about it below so I won't go into the same details again. Suffice it to say, it was as good as I've heard and better than I expected.
Had one woozy day at sea but that could have been margarita/martini/mohito related.
-Mexico has been getting a bad rap lately but in all my time there including last week, I've never had anything but great experience with the food, the water and the people.
-Grand Cayman is smaller than Brampton, has 50 banks and more money than Alberta.
Also nice people and great snorkeling.
While on the Explorer of the Seas I ran into one of the smartest/funniest comics I ever had the pleasure of working with (back in the day) John Wing. He got on the boat about 3/4 of the way through and we shot the breeze and then we all went to his show. He is truly one of the funniest people most non-comedy fans haven't heard of. You know what I mean.
Quick note. Big ship didn't have as many RFA's as I was expecting. (Really Fat Americans). I mentioned in an earlier post that size of ship may disguise typical American Obese, but in retrospect, it was a fairly svelte group overall and my goo fit in quite nicely.
Quick note part 2. In my whole life I've never had luggage misplaced or lost. Till now.
Trip from To -Fort Lauder-Oy through Atlanta. Half the bags lost. Show up next day.
Trip To Toronto from Fort Lauder-Oy, through Cincinnati, flight delayed switched to New York and 60% of luggage lost and still waiting for it's arrival. Kind of funny, we're home but our luggage is still on vacation.
Okay not funny, but something.
Finally, even though I've been in 5 different countries in the last 10 days and have fallen behind on certain Global Events (I have no idea what's doing with the Anna Nicole Smith thing except I think that a judge is going to decide if I'm the baby's daddy!) I have caught up to the Big Joke that is Sanjaya.
Nice kid, freaky good hair, sings wors than me.
I know all about Votefortheworst.com but they've been around for a while.
So what's the deal? The ethnic vote? The little girls/boys who relate and really like him?
My theory. The producers are keeping him around because he is so aggravatingly bad that people are tuning in just to be all outraged about him remaining. It's like wrestling. People love to hate.
He can't win, but he does make it interesting to watch. That and to see Simon bitch-slap Randy and Paula without them knowing.
In case you missed it here is Sanjaya's singing Kinks including Crying Girl.
This kid isn't freaked out at seeing her tweener-crush, she's literally crying cause Sanjy's so Danged Awful.
Posted by Humble on March 22, 2007 @ 09:56|Permalink
Hello from Mother-in-Law Island!
I'm off the ship and in Boca Raton.
Boca Raton is North of Fort Lauderdale and is home to many of my Hebrew Homies.
Oy.
You hear a lot of Oys round these parts.
We got off the cruise Sunday morning and not a moment too soon. I gained 73 pounds in a week due mainly to eating every minute that I wasn't sleeping.
The food was amazing and the experience was out of this world.
The damm ship is so big it's hard to put it into perspective. When I'm back home I'll upload some shots. Let's just put it this way. The boat has a theatre the size of the Hummingbird, a restaurant the size of 4 Mandarins, a Mall, a Casino and a full-blown health club. I walked by there many times.
Hey the Ship is so big you hardly noticed the acres of RFA's, (Really Fat Americans) of which there many and now I am one.
I need to go on a fast fast.
I love the fact that we had never done this cruise thing before and it's sad that it's now over.
My kids and wife and I had a riot and I would do it again and easily reccomend it.
In the meantime, we're here hanging with the Bub's (Hebe for GrandMa) and digging the last few days of our vacation.
I have to go now as it's been about 17 minutes since I last ate and I'm starting to feel weak.
Oy.
Hi.
I'll have to make this brief as I'm paying by the second for this computer!
I'ts Friday, and we've just arrived off the coast of Grand Cayman. This cruising thing is Awesome.
You go to bed(or pass out) and you wake up in a different place each day.
The Ship is the Explorer of the Seas-google it. It's a freak show.
Pools, bars, tons of food, an ice rink, a 2000 seat theatre, buffett's, a mall, more food, plenty of SHC(smokin hot chicks) an Italian soccer team my wife's in love with,(SHI-smokin hot Italians) and so many other things to do that you'd have to be on here for a week.
Did I mention a casino? You know that's the only thing I don't like about this place.
It seems at this "Casino" if you happen to lose in one of thier "Games" they take your money and DON'T GIVE IT BACK!
What's the deal with that?
Needless to say it took me 4 or 5 days to figure that out. Sheesh.
We've been to Belize, Costa Maya and Cozumel so far and it's been amazing. The kids, The Mrs and I are all loving it.
FCLFT for sure. (Family Cruise of a Life Time)
We'll be heading back to Miami Saturday and then we're going to dock for a few days at Mother-in-law Island in Boca. I'll write some more Sunday/Monday.
I hope your all well and safe and I'll be in touch in a few days.
h
Posted by Humble on March 16, 2007 @ 09:48|Permalink
HH Dot com is going on March Break!
Last Fall Randee and I were booked to go on a 4 day cruise, our first.
But that was the week my Father died and we had to cancel.
We decided to make it a family thing and so like thousands of others we're heading to Florida today and then the Western Caribbean.
I'm looking forward to this break more than if I'd been working. I know that sounds odd but anyone that's ever been out of work for any length of time will know what I mean.
Not having a job and trying to make things happen is a full time gig!
These past 4 and a half months have been definitely stressful. Grief has a way of sneaking up on you.
You think things are okay and then a wave of mourning/sadness/whatever comes up and slaps you across the lip. Sometimes in slow motion like a Tarantino movie.
Anyway beside the "Dead-Dad" thing of course, I've been out selling my book, trying to make deals and work out some long-term strategy for me and my peeps. Also stressful.
I'm sure I'm supposed to learn something out of all this and I think I am, but it can be annoying while your actually in the middle of it all. My wife has been awesome through it all and I know she's ready for a vacation as well.
I recently came across a great quote from Michael Jordan on th subject of failure. "I'VE MISSED MORE THAN 9,000 SHOTS IN MY CAREER. I'VE LOST MORE THAN 300 GAMES. TWENTY-SIX TIMES I'VE BEEN TRUSTED TO TAKE THE GAME-WINNING SHOT AND MISSED. I'VE FAILED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE... AND THAT IS WHY I SUCCEED."
So I'll try and upload some junk from the boat if I can but in the meantime be well and safe and I'll check in with you in a week or so.
H
GIANT CHUNKS OF ICE ARE RAINING DOWN FROM THE SKY!!!
I woke up yesterday morning to The Bill Carroll Experience only to hear something about Giant Chunks of Ice raining down from the CN Tower. (Here-after referred to as GCI's)
"Am I high?" I thought.
"Is Bill high?" I also thought.
"What in the shit is going on" I pondered.
Okay, enough with the questions.
Because of the sideways rain/sleet/ice storm of Thursday afternoon, GCI's took up residence on the CN Tower and were falling off onto the innocent commuters below.
I know this is dangerous but damm GCI's are cool.
You know as long as no one gets hurt.
Bill Carroll said some GCI's were in 4 foot sheets and a couple of inches thick. Dude, that would make a mess of your car. Think about it.
Are you done.
Okay, the point is big things falling from the sky are no place for cars or people and that's why the Gardiner was/is shut down. I can't believe some folks were all pissed that they had to divert or walk around yellow police tape.
Hey buddy, ever had a tile or a book hit you on the noggin? Imagine what a GCI would do falling from 1800 feet. Not pretty.
Guy in Lexus on his blue tooth:"Hey a big chunk of ice is falling off the CN Tower!"
Guy in office talking to Guy in Lexus:"Your crapping me?"
Guy in Lexus:"Hey the big chunk of ice just that smashed into that Land Rover and blew it over the Gardiner. I'm no expert but it doesn't look good."
Listening to the Radio made me jealous that I wasn't reporting on the GTA-wide excitement of Giant Chunks of Ice. If I was still working for City Pulse I would have a thing or two to say.
(I never worked for City Pulse, but I did work at City. I didn't think it would have the same saying, ..."If if was still hosting Ed's Stupid Not-Funny Night Party."*)
*Not it's real name.
Posted by Humble on March 6, 2007 @ 08:38|Permalink
Freeway Frank going to Calgary
Freeway Frank has been hired to do mornings in Calgary at the new Chum property.
It couldn't happen to a better guy. I spoke to Frank a few days ago and congratulated him on the move. He' always been a pal and I was very happy for him.
Some of you may have heard his Father recently died and although I had left him a message of condolence, this was the first time we have spoken in about 3 and a half weeks. I dropped in on him last month when I was on The Jim Richards Show on CFRB.
Frank is one of those guys that is likable, hard working and who's talent will only grow in his new role.
I always enjoyed the talks we had, and I was happy to speak to him the other day about his new gig. He's been doing evenings and the countdown thing and now is his time to shine.
The only advice I gave him was to try and show up on time for about 5 years in a row and all would be well!
I also said he'd love living in Calgary more than he'd imagine.
Congrats FF.
Hmmm maybe I should apply for his old evening job. (He says, fingers twirling imaginary handle-bar mustache...or am I so delusional that I actually think I have a handle-bar mustache?)
No that wouldn't work, I can't stay awake past 10pm. Drats. (Did I just say Drats. What's next? Cursed Foiled again.That's what.)
Posted by Humble on March 5, 2007 @ 11:45|Permalink
More Lawsuits for Morning DJ's???
Well it's become positively epidemic. First the legendary John Derringer is sued by Tie Domi for insinuating that Tie took some dough for his charity work and now my buddy Bill Carroll is under fire too.
The difference is Money.
Lots of it.
Derringer is getting sued for $950 grand. Bupkis compared to Carroll.
Check this out. Tim Hortons Inc. is seeking $35 million in general and punitive damages each from CanWest, Standard Radio (which owns Toronto station CFRB) and Carroll, for falsely stating that the company received a multimillion-dollar subsidy from Ottawa in support of the Kandahar outlet.
Cool. $35 million dollars. Now We're Talking!! That's like Erin Davis money.
In his Nov. 1, 2006, radio broadcast, Carroll said: "If Tim Hortons wants to have a franchise in Afghanistan, it's a pretty good public relations gesture ... Then let them pay for it."
In a Global TV commentary, he said: "Tim Hortons has been sliding by on the great publicity about the Kandahar franchise all these months and then Global uncovers the dirty little secret. You and I, the taxpayers, are picking up $4 or 5 million dollars a year so that they can look good to the public ... Shame on Tim Hortons."
Tim Horton's says the reports were false and defamatory. They added that "The new breakfast sandwich is actually pretty good and not as greasy as the one at Mcdonalds!"
(Okay, I added that last part, but it's true. Not big on the Timmy's coffee though. Seriously.)
Listen, I know Bill Carroll and you sir are no Bill Carroll. He is too smart to go shooting off his mouth on Radio and TV without something to back up his claims.
I'm betting he had some info prior to the aforementioned Mouth-Shooting Off.
We'll see, all I know is it's:
A)Great Publicity.
B)Great Publicity.
C)See A+B.
The actual headline is something like "The Rich and the Rest of Us."
But it might as well be Boo Rich-Yeah Everyone Else.
Oh the Star just loves this type of thing. It makes them giddy. I'll bet they're all just dancing and making giddy faces.
Why?
Cause the Star hates Rich people. And Conservatives. Or anyone that is not Liberals.
The article is interesting, aside from the newspapers wayyyyyy left bias, in the fact that the middle income class of Canada seems to be shrinking while the bottom is static and the upper end is making way more.
They showed this with graphs and charts so it must be true. Check it out.
The most interesting thing in the paper (not online) was an illustration of what different income-earners spend per week, from the student to a typical worker to the semi-rich to the investment broker earning $1 million plus per year.
Amazing what that dude spent in a week.
Some Highlights. Monday- Vintage wine order $5600.
Tuesday-Housekeeper $600.
Wednesday-Trip to New York-Flight/shopping/dinner $4000
Thursday-Hotel/room service$1000
Friday-Trip to Calgary Flight/hotel/Heli-skiing $13000!
Nice week. Total? $38,161.22
Thats like Derringer/Erin Davis dough!
Hey HH.com peeps.
I'm going to Moose Jaw today.
I'm doing a benefit with some nice people from Corner Gas. Scroll down to read the entry below.
Have a great weekend. Tigers out of that match play thing.(frankly he played crap and then awesome and then crap)
The Oscars are on and that Helen chick is going to win for The Queen. At least that's what my pal Gloria Martin said on 680 news.
I'll be back and have some stuff for you here on Monday afternoon. Unless I get stuck in Regina cause of The Big Snowstorm coming.
Bewell.
H
John Derringer is about to be the beneficiary of one of the greatest ratings bits ever.
You couldn't ask for anything better. Forget the Breakfast with Derringer, forget the Guys Garage or whatever, how about...
"GET SUED BY A FORMER MAPLE LEAF WITH A SKETCHY REPUTATION!!!"
Take that Breakfast in Bahamas and TV commercials featuring Mike and Erin skating and 2 unknown dudes coming out of an egg.
Brilliant is what it is. Not planned but how fortuitous for it to happen now during the Spring Book.(Actually there are 2 of them this is known as S1 the other Spring book is S2)
Jealous? You bet, I was only ever in court for selling French Fries illegally at Nathan Phillips Square.
This is going to be all kinds of good for JD. Even if he loses. $950 grand is going to be cheap compared to the kind of publicity this will generate.
I predict this won't get to court though.
Too much to gain for Johnny.
Too much to lose for Domi's already battered rep in this city-Belinda, Mrs Tie, His Brother and the Lunk-Head Factor.
Lobster Boy No More!
Side note: I was on the air yesterday with Derringers former foil Craig Venn who's all grown up and hosting the morning show at The Rock in Windor/Detroit. It was one of my most enjoyable interviews. I've known Craig since 1989 and in fact he reminded me that he was working overnights and had to open the door for me my first shift at CFNY.
He's a great guy and has really become an excellent broadcaster. Check him out online sometimes.
Posted by Humble on February 23, 2007 @ 09:08|Permalink
Dave and I went Flying Again!
(This is me and Dave, he's a great guy who I do a lot of flying with. He's very serious..and Seriously deranged.)
Hey did you notice it wasn't cold as ass yesterday?
I did.
I noticed because it one of the few days since the early January Global Warming Hysteria, it actually was fairly pleasant.
I went flying for the first time since the week before Christmas.
It's the longest no-fly zone since I got my license.
Flying is one of those things that take me completely out of the day to day worries and focus me completely on you know, not falling out of the sky.
The lay-off is the result of a few things. Christmas, the plane getting fixed, and then THE WEATHER TURNED TO CRAP!!!
Yesterday was a different story.
This: TAF CYYZ 202339Z 210024 29008KT P6SM FEW020 TEMPO 0002 BKN020
BECMG 1416 23005KT
FM2000Z 21008KT P6SM SCT020 BKN080..... Means This
Of course today it's back to this
I was looking for a "big snowflake shot" when I found one of Frosty skiing that I like better.
Posted by Humble on February 22, 2007 @ 08:10|Permalink
Big Bros and Sis's
I have time and plenty of it for Big Brothers and Big Sisters. I think they're a great organization who do good things for lots of kids.
They were near the bottom of the barrel and decided that I'd make a good host for their event.
I am only too happy to do it.
So Thursday I'll be doing the MC-thing at the Caledon Ski Club, I'm assuming that's near Caledon and it's sounds like a great day for a great cause.
Posted by Humble on February 21, 2007 @ 10:06|Permalink
HEY THE VALENTINES PODCAST THINGY IS UP AND WORKING!!!!
PODCAST #3.
This is becoming a thing.
We did the first one as an emotional Christmas H+F reunion, our first time broadcasting/podcasting in 15 months.
The Second installment, January's PodCast of Hope was more biting, raw and funny. We said some things that needed to be spoken.
And now we proudly present The Valentines PodCast of Love. We got together at Dan Duran's palatial west end home and we did er up good. Yes we did. Don't say we didn't, I was there.
We talked about socks, Fred's sweaty feet, meeting a famous Torontonian and a brand new song from Scary Pete.
Anyway have a listen and enjoy. Go here. Here as well. Or click on the big heart..........
I'll be Giving Er big time this week trying to sell the book for V-Day.
Yesterday I was on with one of my best friends Jeff Lumby the new morning guy on Dave Fm in Kitchener.
He and I have known each other and worked together since 1978 at CHAB in Moose Jaw.
He sounds great doing a show again after 7 years of making a tidy living voicing spots and doing Red Green. I mean of course "appearing on."
Today I'll be spending a wacky half hour with Andrew Krystal in Halifax. He's brilliant and one of the great Talk Radio guys in the country. He's also nuts. I love doing his show and he promotes the crap out of the book.
Wednesday I'll be on with Bill Carroll on the Big 1010. He's another one of my work buddies I miss and his producer Ryan and I always have a laugh.
Bill is fitting in nicely and has already made that show his own.
After Bill I'll be back on the EZ rock with Stu and Colleen. Their nice and good and Colleen is pretty. Stu's pretty too. They are two of my peeps I miss from the old St.Clair and Yonge days.
Finally look for me in the Oakville Beaver available where ever fine Beaver is sold. Why not give your loved one some Beaver and Slime for Valentines Day.
Giving the Beaver says "Your special, I'm giving you Beaver!"
Posted by Humble on February 13, 2007 @ 08:21|Permalink
Humble and Fred's PodCast of Love
This Wednesday gather the whole family round the old Computer and rejoice in the Romantic warmth that is The Valentine PodCast of Love
Mike Boon was there. He's like our personal Blogg-iographer. He's got a preview of the whole mess here.
As always it was fun, funny and full of the type of Radio that apparently no one wants to hear.
You might enjoy it.
Wednesday Feb 14 Humble and Fred's Podcast of Love. Click here, then.
Posted by Humble on February 12, 2007 @ 08:30|Permalink
Bobby's Got A Job!! Yahhh Bobby.
When I was fired I felt bad for myself and family. Not that bad to be honest. I was being taken care of and I knew things would be okay for a while. But I felt really bad for the people that got fired along with me. Judy Croon and Bingo Bob. They were part of the show and apparently weren't needed anymore either. Judy quickly caught on with XM satellite Radio and now my pal Bingo has got a gig too.
Congrats Bob you were far too talented to be out of work for long.
Here's a blurb from Bob's Blog.
I HAVE A JOB.
As many of you know, I have been without employment since mid-July of 2006. It's been a strange road, to be honest I really thought that I would land a job with ease. As it turns out, the business I am in is quite fickle. So it's been a long six or seven months.
I've learned that this is just a normal part of working in radio...almost everyone goes through it, and this time it was my turn. I was lucky to have great friends and family help me through it. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger blahblahblah".
The wait is finally over. I am returning to the industry I love so much. As of February 19 I will be a morning show producer again. But here's the really cool part - the station is very unique. In fact, it will be the first of it's kind in the entire world. 103.9 Proud FM will be the world's first Gay radio station, and I will be the proud producer of "What's For Breakfast?" with Ken Kostick and Mary Jo Eustace.
Pretty cool stuff, eh?
I think this is going to be a really fun place to work, and personally I can't believe that there isn't a station serving the gay community already. Although I am glad there isn't, I like saying I work for the "the world's first".
You may know Ken and Mary Jo from thier TV show "What's for Dinner?" A very funny cooking show, that is now being repeated on CBC across Canada. And you may know Mary Jo from a certain tabloid story, that shall remain nameless. They are both very talented and really down to earth nice people. I have a feeling it is going to be a blast to work with them.
I can't really give you too many details on the station itself yet...we don't even have studios built. It's owned by Evanov Radio Group...they own Z 103.5 here in Toronto (a very successful Top 40 station)...the studios will be right in the Gaybourhood...and the rest of the lineup looks really talented as well.
I will fill you in more as I know more.
I just wanted to thank everyone who comes here to see how I am doing since the Mix departure, much appreciated. I am going to continue to write, so please keep coming. I also want to thank Humble Howard and Fred Patterson. Both have been really supportive during my "in between job" stage.
Thats about it for now. Stay warm people, its cold out there.
Hey Friends thanks for dropping by to find out whats happening with the book.
You are here for that aren't you? A little. Maybe.
Anyway I promoted a few appearances last night on the Night-time friendly with the very funny Jim Richards and here they are.
February 10th – Noon – Festival Hall-Richmond and John February 10th – 3pm – World’s Biggest Bookstore-Just up from Dundas.
February 11th – Noon – Yorkdale February 11th – 3pm – Bayview Village
Tomorrow I'll put up some of the audio from My Jimberly appearance.
Posted by Humble on February 6, 2007 @ 16:07|Permalink
This is very cool.
Every General Aviation Pilots Dream.
Stephen Brown says he has no intention of abandoning his successful air conditioning business in Albuquerque, but he’s done something most private pilots haven’t. The 47-year-old 182 pilot was asked to take the right seat of a Continental Airlines Boeing 757 after the captain collapsed at the controls (he later died) shortly after takeoff from Houston bound for Puerto Vallarta 10 days ago. Brown, along with his wife and some friends, was among 210 passengers heading on vacation when, less than an hour into the flight, Brown said he knew something was terribly wrong not long after a flight attendant asked if there was a doctor on board. “Anyone who could see up front could see them pulling one of the pilots out of the cockpit,” Brown told AVweb in an exclusive interview. While a doctor, a nurse and a couple of sports medicine specialists performed CPR on the stricken pilot (the cause of his death has not been released yet) another announcement was made asking if there were any licensed pilots on board. It turns out Brown and one of his friends were. “We quickly went up front to see if there was anything we could do to help out,” Brown said.
Have a listen to this interview with the guy from a site called AvWeb. You should really sign up there to listen to this, but I've done that for you!
We did it again and it was really funny. A few days ago Fred, Bingo, Dan, Pete and I gathered for another round of H+F madness.
Could we recreate the Magic of the Xmas show?
Would it be funny and crude and profane?
Did we spend a good portion of the PodCast talking about the size of Dan Duran's Wang?
Yes. Times 3.
If you missed the Xmas thing go here for now.
In the next few days I'll let you know when the new one is ready.
It's all new Humble and Fred shite along with some bonus "Raw" pieces that are definitely NSFW. (Not Safe For Work!)
Hey The Slime That Men Do is on location today and tomorrow at The Hamilton Convention Center.
I'll be there, will you?
Yes this is the marketing scheme I've cooked up to sell the book.
Lots of women+Motivated to buy+No other Book competition+Marketed as Shower/Jack and Jill gift =Slime Sales! Hopefully.
Love for you to drop by and say hi and of course buy 5 or 6 copies of the book.
I'll let you know how it goes. Hopefully I won't be the only who owns a copy of the book by the weekends end.
I am a soccer coach. A coach of soccer. A person, known as coach or chief, who engages in the practice of soccer coaching.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
For many years now I have been taking my daughter Charlie to soccer games. Many of these I either read or slept or talked on the phone through. I am not the biggest soccer fan. Then a funny thing happened. Charlie fell in love with soccer. Seriously. She loves it. Can't wait for game day and will kick a ball round our little back yard for hours.
So like any Dad....Daughter loves soccer-I love Daughter=Dad loves soccer.
Anyway she plays in the Fall and Winter indoors at a dome in Oakville. We forgot to register her for the January session so the only way she play was if I volunteered to coach.
So...I'm now a soccer coach. Coach Howard. I've already called my team, which has no name but we are dressing in Teal-I'm told that's a color, to get them ready for our first match/game/round...It's next Thursday.
I'm hoping for big things from my squad of 12 year olds this season and I know they'll give 110%
for the entire game. If they don't? No pizza party at the end of the season.
I'm a soccer coach now. I coach soccer. Girls soccer, played by 12 year-old girls in a Golf Dome.
Charlie is thrilled and is looking forward to her wacky Dad spewing nonsense at her friends on the team.
Here's a secret....so am I.
Hey have you heard this thing? All the kids are dancing to it and even the old people are finding the groove.
Check it out and tell your neighbors.
Maybe the last 5 days of the Xmas podcast, or maybe we'll just leave it up until we do another one.
Posted by Humble on January 3, 2007 @ 08:20|Permalink
1st Post of the New Year...One day late.
Yesterday was very fuzzy. Like one of the 2 slippers that my dog has consenting but singularly satisfying sex with.
I was very tired from the night before.
I love New Years. Not because we go out, but because we never go out.
For years as a comic I was in a club every December 31st and that was fun. Big audiences, great mood, usually more money. But that phase of my life was over shortly before I had kids. Since then the years have been basically, my friends and friends with kids at my house for New Years Eve.
This year was great. 20 people, half between 4-13 and the same nice peeps we seem to spend the last day of the year with annually.
The last guest arrived at 1:30 and left at 2am. My pal and neighbor Vince came over to say goodnight and to lick my wife's friends face. The guys a riot but I had to kick him out because if I hadn't I might still be drinking with him.
Anyway, Monday was very slow and even though The Holiday Season was great, I'm glad it's over. I am all "visited" out...and still a bit fuzzy.
Posted by Humble on January 2, 2007 @ 07:46|Permalink
2007 is on it's way...FINALLY!
2006. Pretty big, bad, sad year for me. Also full of some of my favorite memories. Jan-June 2006 fairly normal...worked hard, finished this book and then in July, went on FARTLFT-family road trip of a lifetime to Disney!
From Jan-June 2006 I worked constantly, took no time off and thought things were fine. Well that's only partly true. I've been asked many time if I knew I was being fired and truth be told I had a feeling.
I tried to ignore it but I knew something was up.
Wednesday July 12, the day before I got fired. I'm sitting on the couch mid-afternoon catching up on some TV I taped while we were on vacation. There was nothing for me to do, the girls were busy and I was feeling great and I remember thinking, "Wow, this is just the greatest day!"
I don't know maybe it was the calm before the storm but it really was just one of those rare blissful day's we all have and then 24 hours later all that changed.
July-December 2006 chaos, turmoil, long sweet days with my wife and kids and more chaos and turmoil.
I got fired and had the greatest summer of my semi-grown up life. We rented a cottage for a week up North, stayed with friends at their cottages and just generally took it easy.
I flew a little, golfed a little and got ready to launch The Slime That Men Do.(See book link above, or to the right or any number of place on this site!)
October 2006. When one door closes another one opens. Super. The door closed on my job and the other door turned out to be My Dad Dies. This door sucks.
I was on my way to a fund raiser at the ROM when my oldest Brother called to tell me that my Dad had been rushed to hospital and was very sick. That was October 19. October 20 I arrive in Moose Jaw and October 27 my Father died. I blogged a lot about it and if you search October you can find most of it. Suffice to say October 2006 is a month I won't forget.
November-December 2006.
I'm sad, elated, busy, working, hustling the book and doing a lot of grief-eating. And drinking too. I have to go back to close up my Dad's house with my Brothers and I threaten to punch one of them and there is some yelling! Did I mention grief-drinking?
Things mostly turn out okay and I love my two brothers more for having gone through all of this with them. I tell them now that our Dad is gone I'm the head of the family. I remind them of The GodFather and that they can fight it out to see who ends up being Fredo.
Today is December 31st 2006. Looking back, even with everything that's happened, I still maintain that I and my family are blessed. We are. A lot of people are a lot worse off and I'm going to try not to forget that.
I miss my Dad but I have a lifetime of great memories. He was a great guy and I know he loved me very much.
I got fired....so what.
I have my so many good, supportive friends and the greatest wife and kids a man could ever want.
Tonight some of our best friends will be at our house and at midnight I will say a quiet goodbye to 2006 and a giant Thank God Your Here to 2007! Thanks for reading this drivel, all the best and
Yahhh, Today's the day. The First Ever, 17 Annual-Humble and Fred Gift of Xmas Podcast.
What the hell is that, you say?
Well Freddy and Dan Duran, Bingo Bob, Scary Pete and I along with internet Genius Mike Boon all gathered to see of we could recreate the vibe of Xmas shows of yore. Yes, I uses the word Yore and I may use it again. Yore can only be used at this time of year and Medieval Times.
(Here's a shot of Freddy and I laughing. Apparently over the stupid way I'm holding my hands!)
I hope you enjoy the show. It will be up and available for the next couple of weeks, so if your having trouble getting through right away, come on back. It has some cool pictures you can look at and even some YouTube video.
My pal Vinay Menon from The Star has written a nice piece for today's paper.
I couldn't find it there, but here it is for you. Sum's things up rather well.
They’re back. Well, sort of.
After enduring an unceremonious split more than 16 months ago, one of
Toronto radio’s most popular morning duos – Humble & Fred – have
reunited to give long-suffering fans a seasonal treat: “The Gift of
Xmas Podcast.”
Podcast?
In Aug. 2005, recall, Fred Patterson was fired from the MIX 99.9.
Explanation: dismal ratings. That left Humble (Howard Glassman) to
trudge on with a new crew. Alas, ratings did not improve and, six
months ago, Humble found himself in the radio unemployment line.
Undaunted, the lads listened to fans and decided to keep their Xmas
broadcast alive; it's been an annual tradition for 17 years. So on
Friday, without a radio transmitter, they combine smartass brains for a
one-hour, pre-recorded podcast, including Best Of performances from The
Doo Wops and Barenaked Ladies.
The fun starts at 9 a.m. tomorrow at HumbleandFred.com.
If you haven't listened to this yet..Be Doing it!
If you haven't read this yet.......... Be Doing it too!
LATE ENTRY....
I found the Blurb late this afternoon in the A section of the Star. Much appreciated VM. Go to A+E...A-31.
Hey it's the 1st ever, 17 annual Humble and Fred Gift of Xmas.
Seriously that's what we're talking about...a Podcast of fun and frivolity.
Go here to read all about it.
Go here to hear all about it.
Posted by Humble on December 20, 2006 @ 08:58|Permalink
1ST Humble and Fred Promo.
....In a long time.
Listen here for more details about secret countdown.
Enjoy.
Yes that is Dan Duran's voice on an Humble and Fred promo, a first since
1995.
Tucker the dog still has his gonads. He's so small apparently, that the ALT levels in his kidney's are slightly elevated so the Vet thought the anesthetic might make him sick. He'll be getting it done in early January but he's home with us now and humping his slippers like crazy.
He's about the size of a loaf of bread and he's "dating" these two fuzzy slippers. I'm serious. He carries them from room to room and has his way with them. Sometimes separately and other times a menage-a-fuzz.
So for the time being, Tucker's home, nads intact and little pink thing protruding.
What the? How the hell did this happen? I mean is this not incredible after all these years of waiting for someone/anyone from Quebec to get a chance to lead the Liberal Party it's finally occurred.
I'm flabbergasted. I was, like all Canadians, expecting another English-speaking Westerner to be elected, but oh my the unexpected just upped and happened.
I never thought I'd see this in my lifetime. How is a Quebecois dude going to front the Liberals?
They won't be used to this after all those years of Western style leadership. I just hope he's ready for all the backlash he'll receive from inside and outside Quebec not to mention the awkward pronunciation of his name. Dion? Dionne! Dee-yawn.
What if he became Prime Minister? Did you ever think we'd have a Prime Minister with a French-sounding name?
The preceding was brought to you and paid for by...The People for the Preservation of Sarcasm in Canada.
Posted by Humble on December 4, 2006 @ 08:59|Permalink
BOOK SIGNING TODAY...YES TODAY BOOK SIGNING!!!
I'll be at the Chapters Oakville, 310 North Service Road West (I tried to insert the Google Maps location thingy but failed, sorry.) between 2-4 as they celebrate they're 10th anniversary and I celebrate my first official signing. It's easy to find, just off Dorval and on your left.
Please drop by say hi and help me not look pathetic as I'll probably get outsold by someone that's got a new gardening book...The Peat Moss That Rhododendrons Need!
Posted by Humble on November 25, 2006 @ 07:20|Permalink
Richards Rant Response.
Yesterday on HH.com I put up the YouTube Michael Richards thing, and like most people I was appalled. I know he apologized and feels awful and I'm sure he's a great guy and all, but I still think it's a symptom of something deeper going on. He may not even be a racist but as he said on Letterman, he has some "personal" work to do. I heard one dude say that Richards should check himself into rehab even if he doesn't have a drug problem.
The response here was interesting. Most people agreed with my take but some.....
Sorry Howard, this is the first time I don't agree with you 100 %.
I think John Oakley on 640 made a good point and your buddy Freddie P. thinks so too according to his clip on his website.
I don't know about you, but on a few occasions I have been so mad about something that I did say stupid things which I regretted afterwards and definitely did not mean.
Posted by: Bob
My reply.
Having done stand-up for years I have been in situations where the heckler's interruptions got to the point where I couldn't come back with anything funny, I just lost it. Not once in nearly 30 years have I gone "racial" on anyone who was giving me crap from the audience. I don't care what John or Fred say, Michael Richards obviously has some problem with Blacks, Drugs and soon Careers!
Posted by: howard
At this point I checked out FreddieP.ca as I do ever day and I found what FP had written.
I must preface this posting with this - What Michael Richards said was wrong and stupid and probably career ending. Where he went in response to his hecklers at the LA comedy club could never lead to anything good.
However, on the flip side of that I have to applaud John Oakley on 640 Toronto for having enough balls to “not” join the rush to judgment and take a closer look at the situation.
Oakley showed a lot of guts, because like Richards, all he did was leave himself open to being called a racist as well.
Basically, Oakley said this. We all harbour certain feelings that we’re not proud of and we’re all capable of letting them out when the pressure is on. It’s doesn’t make those feelings right and it really can’t be used an excuse, but at the same time cut a guy some slack.
To Oakley’s credit he refused to jump on the bandwagon and do what so many love to do these days. Crush the other guy to make yourself feel better.
Michael Richards looked like a fool and what he said certainly sounded racist, but what if he’s not. What if he does have a lot of “black” friends and no history of racism? What if he just made an unbelievably stupid mistake?
Oakley’s performance this morning reinforces why he’s got the best morning show in the city. I’m sure everybody else had their heel on Kramer’s throat. That’s the easy way.
Now kids don't be upset cause sometimes over the years Mommy and Daddy don't always agree!
So I wrote my pal a quick note.
People weren't putting Michael Richards down to make themselves feel better.
I know your in "Love" with John Oakley but what he did was the easy way, being contrary, or doing the opposite for effect. Maybe it made great radio but it was misguided as was your comment. It doesn't really matter if Kramer has a million black friends, is married to a black women and is in fact a black man himself.
He flipped out and called a couple of African American men The N-Word over and over again and that is just never going to be right no matter what your Boyfriend JO says.
Yes, it's a great day for talk radio alright.
h
also, we've got a phone meeting Friday at 3pm. can you be on it?
call me and let me know.
lickbag,
In case you missed it here's the THING everybody's talking about.
Here's the apology.
"For me to be at a comedy club and flip out and say this crap, I’m deeply, deeply sorry," said Monday during a satellite appearance for David Letterman’s Late Show in New York.
Sorry, I don't buy it. It's like Mel Gibson getting drunk and telling us all what he really thinks of Jews.
This is what Kramer really thinks about Blacks.
That noise? The quiet, lonely sound of Michael Richards career crashing into the abyss.
Posted by Humble on November 16, 2006 @ 14:37|Permalink
Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote
Theres a saying that all politics is local. Also you get the government you deserve. Not to mention
all politicians are like crack-heads for power. The last one was mine.
I'm voting today in Oakville. The only reason I'm voting for this one dude is because he's promised to do something about the ass-wipes who speed by our house. As I said, all politics is local.
As for you Toronto peeps, I don't know Miller v Pitfield. I actually don't care either but I know that if you don't vote today for somebody, shut up. Voting gives you the right to wank about how bad a job the government is doing and that alone is worth the trip.
Posted by Humble on November 13, 2006 @ 11:56|Permalink
I Never Trust US Election Results...Do You?
How bout this story. The Democrats take back the House and The Senate will be decided today as they "carefully" count the few remaining ballots in Montana and Virginia. I don't know about you but after the hanging chad thing of a few years ago,(yes kids some people think that George Bush the Younger may not have really been elected) and constant rumours of irregularities among voting registry and other bungling, it's hard not to be cynical when it comes to US election results of any kind.
On the other hand they sure do know how to spend money. I read somewhere earlier this week that the between the Senate and House races, candidates will spend over 2 BILLION trying to get elected! You'd think for that kind of dough they'd be able to make the voters feel better about the methodology of ballot counting.
Anyway, some of them candidates sure do have purty wives!
Alright. I got a huge boost yesterday thanks to Valerie Gibson in the Sun. What a great article/promo piece for my little book. Thanks to my buddy Mike Boon here's the the link. She couldn't have been better or more positive.
I don't know how it's selling but it is available in stores all across the country.
I also did some press with a nice lady at the Saskatoon Star Phoenix and you can read that here.
Hi Humble,
You should be very proud of this project - particularly because you've seen
it through to release after such a major change in plans.
The cover looks GREAT. I'm so excited to be able to share this with other
women in my life - I've already pre-ordered three copies via
Chapters/Indigo online!!!
A Loyal "Listener",
Caroline
Thank you so much Caroline, I'll consider your the first copy sold!
Also thanks for the heads up on another cool thing, the Chapters/Indigo online thing.
Please follow Carolines lead and buy at least 3 copies at a time for all the women in your life.
It's great Chick Bathroom Reading.
Posted by Humble on October 19, 2006 @ 11:56|Permalink
Big Event at The Rom
I've got time so I'm going out as much as I can.
I was recently asked to be part of Fact or Fiction at the Rom. Pretty cool fundraiser that I'll be co-hosting with Valerie Pringle. She's a big time celeb and I'll just try and stay out of her way.
One thing is for sure I'll be wearing my Big Time Fundraising Suit!!
Hey dude what are you smirking at??
Posted by Humble on October 18, 2006 @ 10:39|Permalink
Ted and Jane are Nice People Too
Thanks to Ted and Jane on CFRB 1010 for running an interview I did with them yesterday morning at 6:50.
I just found out today. I just got back from hanging with my pal Lumby at his country fortress in Acton.
Yes It freaking snowed there yesterday!
Okay, here's the audio from RB yesterday morning.
I'll be on with John Moore Monday afternoon between 5:30-6 and then between 6-6:30 I'll be on the Mix with Steve Anthony! No I'm not kidding.
Hey I'll be hanging with Iron Mike at around 8:40 this morning talking about Metallica and The Slime That Men Do!
Later, I'll hopefully have the audio.
I was hanging with my pals Stu and Colleen
and their producer MaryAnn this morning and they were great. Not only did I get to promote The Slime That Men Do but it was fun to make jokey-jokes on the radio again! In case you missed have a listen below. It'll just take a second to load.
Yes I'm putting up a rib recipe. It's Saturday and I'm a little fuzzy so this is all your going to get for a while.
Stinky is another one of my best friends and he gave me this rib recipe. I made them last night for Bingo Bob, Jhanghi Wilson, Elliot Gordon and their chicks. For a bunch of mis-fits they all have hot chicks. I gave them many hugs. You know those semi-drunken hugs you can only give your friends chicks at the end of the night when you saying goodnight. Those hugs are good.
Anyway here is Stinky's Rib Recipe. I've done them with pork ribs but last night I used huge beef ribs. It was like dinner at the Flintstones.
1)Get a bunch of ribs-beef or pork
2)Put them in pot of ONION SOUP MIX, onions, garlic and boil for at least an hour or until tender.
3)Did he say ONION SOUP MIX? Yes.
4)Remove ribs and baste with fav sauce...I use Bulls Eye Bold Original.
5)Rub some more ONION SOUP MIX on the ribs.
6)Again with the ONION SOUP MIX? Yes.
7)Throw them on the barbecue and cook until glazed-looking.
Thats it. They are awesome and easy to do. I know this cause I suck at cooking and when I serve them people always make "these-ribs-are-good" noises.
If you have a good rib recipe let me know and I'll tell Stinky.
Yesterday my little blog recieved nearly twice as many unique visits thanks to a quick mention on a radio board.
This was quite the revelation as to the power of being linked or referenced somewhere else.
If you have a blog or site I would be happy to do the same for you if you know, you scratch my back.
I never post on that radio board but like most people in the business I check it out from time to time, mostly to see how much they think I suck at any given moment.
They are for the most part, a bunch of well-meaning radio fans who have a passion for the business and Toronto Radio in particular.
They have never been very fond of me, or Fred, or The Me and Fred Show.
Hmmm we're not in the business any more...maybe they've had a point all these years.
I just read this story online and all I could think of is just how much money this dude made off ice. The Toronto house is worth nearly 5 million alone.
My wife and I were just talking about a time in our lives when Tie's kids and ours went to the same Karate club in Mississauga. Never ran into him much but his wife always seemed very nice.
Just goes to show you just what does and what doesn't capture our imaginations. Frankly most of us don't give a crap and are only intrigued by this junk cause it's a pleasant diversion to wallow in someone else's misery.
Posted by Humble on September 27, 2006 @ 08:13|Permalink
I read something funny on Freddy P's page Hockey Wang about how he thinks Domi gets all these chicks cause he has "...a spectacular Hog!" He may have a point...I know Freddy and I know he knows Hogs.
I think it's something else...Belinda and Tia are just overgrown Puck Bunnies.
You know those chicks that hang around the rink eating fries and gravy, smoking Export A's and looking to do hockey players.
Having a Spectacular Hog doesn't hurt.
Posted by Humble on September 26, 2006 @ 16:22|Permalink
(SFH)
Hey dude what are you smirking at??
Hey I'll be hanging with Iron Mike at around 8:40 this morning talking about Metallica and The Slime That Men Do!
and their producer MaryAnn this morning and they were great. Not only did I get to promote The Slime That Men Do but it was fun to make jokey-jokes on the radio again! In case you missed have a listen below. It'll just take a second to load.
