Some thoughts about this and that. And the other thing too.
Okay in no particular order here's a bit of what's been going on around my head lately.
I finally got the GPS from Future Shop. In the end all the whining and being pissed off didn't do much other than not having to re-order the unit. (Apparently this went against FS policy so yah me.)
It's a Garmin Street Pilot C330 and I think a dang good value for the dough. Check it out here if you like.
I had a great time in the Jaw with Ian Thomas and Murry McLauchlin doing our little comedy/music show. I basically came out and did about 15 minutes of my little "act" and then they took over.
Man it was amazing. Not only are they great musicians,(both played piano, guitar, mandolin, harmonica) but they were compelling story-tellers and Ian is as funny as his bro Dave easy.
They put on a 2 hour 45 minute show and they could have kept going. Great guys and very, very talented. Annoyingly so.
It was weird being back in Moose Jaw as always. I visited my family home, which now belongs to someone else and it has been completely renovated inside. As well they put up a garage in the back. It's a MJ thing. Not to mention house prices have increased nearly 40% since we sold the place.
It was especially strange leaving town as I have no idea when I'll ever being going back.
I know a few of you have asked about an announcement I hinted at several weeks ago. It's still a possibility and I will let you know as soon as I can, if and when you'll be able to hear me again.
That's all I can say but as I mentioned earlier, the long, long weekend may finally be coming to an end. Or not!
Posted by Humble on July 31, 2007 @ 11:06|Permalink
Power-Washing, Paris Hilton and Gazpacho.
I made Gazpacho on the weekend.
It was awesome. I like cold tomato soup mainly cause I like tomatoes. I think I made too much though cause there's still a ton of it left.
Maybe the rest of the family didn't like the Gazpacho as much as this Muchacho.
Maybe I just like saying Gazpahco and Muchacho.
If it were called Cold Tomato Soup it wouldn't be as exotic.
I have to tell you something. I love Power-Washing. I'm serious. Yesterday I borrowed my neighbors Power-washer and for the better part of 5 full hours I power-washed stuff. First 2 old plastic lawn chairs and then my entire wooden fence.
The sound, the power, the results. It's like painting with water.
The chairs came out pristine and the fence looks like it's been stained. I was grinning like an idiot.
I couldn't stop. I didn't want to. I may need a 12-step program.
Power-washing is the crack of household power gadgets.
Paris Hilton is in LA county jail today. Yeah caged heat...yeah girl prison...yeah girl-prison-love.
Sure it seems like that but in reality Paris will be segregated for her safety and have little or no contact with the other girl-prisoners. Damm you prison screws.
The word has gone out to the press that no cameras will be allowed to take pictures of PH in her jail jump suit. Apparently a single shot of her on the inside could be worth $500,000. Hmmm maybe I could smuggle a disposable camera inside a nice bowl of Gazpacho.
Saw two of my favorite people yesterday. Judy Croon and my Brother Steve.
Judy and I hung out in the Beaches and had lots of laughs and this amazingly cheap breakfast at a place called Vivitha or Vivator or some such Beaches type place.
Why does everyone who lives in that neighborhood own a Yellow Lab? Is there some Beaches law that you can't walk down Queen East without a Yellow Lab and a coffee?
Judy is really funny and sweet and nice and makes me laugh a lot. I haven't seen in her a long time and I'd forgotten how cool she is to spend time with.
Brother Steve and I had supper in the West end at that Milestones on the Queensway, just off Islington. (Yeah the one near the Cineplex Odeon.)
Steve is a big time CBC TV producer who has 16 shows going at any one time and for some reason, none of them can ever involve me. Apparently that's his mandate.
CBC:Hey Steve we've got a great new show about a funny Jewish boy named Howard from small-town Saskatchewan who can play golf and fly airplanes. Do you know anyone who might be able to fill that role?
Steve: (Staring blankly) Uh. No. doesn't ring a bell.
CBC: How about your Brother?
Steve: Yes, I think David would be perfect.
Anyway I still like hanging with him and hearing about all the people he works with that aren't me.
BTW. Milestones has SHW. (Yes-Smoking Hot Waitresses.) Plus they have a system where you don't just have one assigned to your table so we were served by no less than 6 SHW last night and that's never a bad thing. Of course there's nothing more pathetic than two guys who's combined ages are over a 100, flirting with 20-year-olds but whattya going to do?
Ok. I have to go pick up Dan Duran and drive him somewhere. Later I'll tell you about 12 year olds in the pool, sleeping like a baby and putting out the junk in our front yard.
On the weekend I bought a little plastic gismo that hooks up to one of the pool jets and makes a little fountainy thing.
It shoots a spray of water and gives you the sound of a babbling brook.
It only took me two trips to the pool store to figure out how to make it work properly. Fairly typical for my home project attempts.
1)Trip to store to buy item.
2)Bring item home, try to hook it up, fail.
3)Return to store to find out how item works from amused store-person.
4)Go home and make item function the way it would have if I'd only read the directions.
Saw friends Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday we went to Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
Good times.(Not a bad flick, kinda long but worth the Movie Money.)
Had Tai food, Barbecue food and Movie snacks. I love to eat. Soon I will have to start watching what I'm eating but for now I'm just watching it long enough to get it in my mouth.
Just downloaded Google Maps for my Blackberry. How freaking cool is that.
I should tell you I love all things Google.
I-Google is my browser home-page, Gmail handle my e-mail, I Google-map everywhere I go and if Google was a girl I'd make touchy-selfy over it.
Maybe that was TMI. (too much info.)
Get the Gmail btw and you'll never go back to Outlook.
Posted by Humble on May 28, 2007 @ 11:04|Permalink
This. That. And the Other.
I'm still in shock. Melinda Doolittle is off American Idol. Squeeze me? Jordin, yes. Blake? WTF!
I can't believe that MD won't be part of the final.
She was by far the most consistent and will no doubt have a great career.
What did her in?
Two things.
Her planet-sized head, and the little girls think Blake is hot. My daughters told me that and yes when they did it made me uncomfortable.
Here's something that will have absolutely no effect on my life. The Tony Award nominations have been announced. Here's something else. Giant chunks of marble flying off the BMO office tower. I haven't been downtown much lately and in fact only go into the city now to score my Meth.
It was reported recently that Scientists have found that people who eat less live longer. Really?
They say that if you run your machine at near starvation levels you could live up to 40% more.
Thats' great, I'll live to be a hundred but I'll be hungry all the time.
That sounds like fun.
We'll end up with a population of old, scrawny, cranky people all whining about how hungry they are. Super.
Finally I came up with a great idea for a cooking show. My wife and I go around the world to all these exotic places, and while she is learning to cook the local food, I have sex with different women in all the villages. Then at the end of each show, she shows me what dishes she's learned to prepare and I introduce her to my latest village-girl hook-up.
I haven't run it by Randee yet so I'm not sure how she'll react.(Yeah right.)
It could be called Cook and Screw around The World, or something cool like that. I'll let you know what she thinks of it.
I drive a lot. I mean I drive my kids a lot. Charlie in particular but Spencer too and it's become more and more obvious that other parents are hip to the fact that I'm the "Out of Work Dad". I seem to drive all their kids around too. Last couple of days. Pick up Charlie and friend from school, drive friend home, drive Charlie home. After supper pick up friend drive her back to our house for School Project.
Next day.
Drive to Spencer's school for a thing in the morning./ Pick up Charlie and 2 friends after school, drive both friends to their house and then take Charlie home./ Then drive Charlie to Library to meet friends to work on School Project/, drive home./ Drive back to Library/, Charlie and friends not done, but Charlie's hungry so I drive to get a slice of Pizza/, drive Pizza back to Library/, go home. Later drive back to Library/, pick up Charlie and friend, drive friend home,/ drive Charlie home.
I'm not crapping you. This all happened since Tuesday. I mentioned before I'm like an ATM machine on wheels. Give my kids money, drive them around. My buddy Lou thinks I should get a chauffeurs hat with a big $ sign on it.
Posted by Humble on May 17, 2007 @ 10:03|Permalink
Some short shots for Wednesday.
I just heard that Survivor is down to it's last 3 episodes. Is that true? Survivor is still on the air?
Haven't watched a full episode in over a year. Strange, I used to love it, now I don't care.
Speaking of strange. Today is the 40 year anniversary of the Leafs last Stanly Cup win. Wow. That is just all manner of funny. 40 freaking winless years and I'll bet the club is about to announce another ticket price increase.
To celebrate the 40th anniversary they should lower next years prices by 40%. Yeah that'll happen when the day the Oil companies stop hosing us.
Speaking of Oil companies.(Are you sensing a theme today? I am.)
I love this excuse for raising prices. "........Rising costs due to lower inventories..blah blah lie blah bull-sh*t blah...."
Why do the costs go up when the supplies are down yet when the supplies are up the costs never go down at the same rate.
I know the pump price is down 4 cents today but stand by for a major hosing come the May 24 long weekend.
Finally I don't know what's wrong with the universe these days. The sun is shining, my mood is good, I'm sleeping okay and Paula actually made some sense last night on American Idol.
Am I being punkd?
I've got to stop the Sudoku. It's driving me nuts.
Last night I sat at the kitchen table after supper for an hour and a half noodling over these numbers in a bunch of squares. I still didn't solve it.
Help me?
I was trying to figure out where I went wrong as I was going to sleep.
You know it's just not like me to be all "obsessed" about something.
This week I hear a news report that women who suffer from Migraines have improved memories.
Of course all they can remember is how much their head hurts.
"Oh my sweet lord 2 days ago my head was killing me! Ahhhhhhhhh"
Comedy gold right?
The female anatomy is like a jigsaw puzzle...a mysterious, every changing puzzle that never works quite the same way 2 times in a row.
Some times, you know after a nice dinner and some wine, kids are at their friends, you're "working on the puzzle" and you make a nice "Picture!"...ooh look there's the ocean.
Other days you're working away, working away and you get to the end and one of the pieces is missing.
"Where's the top of the lighthouse? I can't find the top of the lighthouse!?"
Men's puzzles are easier to solve than womens, of course ours have a lot fewer pieces. Just one really.
Posted by Humble on April 27, 2007 @ 08:22|Permalink
My House for April 24/2007
Friend: "Do you have Raptors Fever?"
Me: "No."
Me thinking to myself. "Hmmm who talks like that?" Then," Why dagnabit, maybe I do!"
Point is I am looking forward to game 2 against the Nets tonight. Not to the point that I'll watch (I have a thing I have to go to) but to the point that I care. I want them to beat the Nets and keep the dream alive.
Maybe I don't have the fever, more like the Raptors Sniffles.
Charlie made a soccer team she was trying out for here in the O-dot.
We're all kinds of proud but best of all she's very proud of herself.
She has improved so much over the Winter session due to actually having some excellent coaching for the first time in her life.(No not from me, from real guys!)
She made what's called "Select" here last Fall. Sort of Rep C.
The deal is they take a group of girls and work with them over the Winter to try and improve their skills.
Then in the Spring everyone has to try out again.
Well that was last weekend and Charlie made it.
It's great to see one of your kids achieve something they set out to do.
I felt like such a Dad. A very proud one.
I'm blogging a little later these days since I started doing the Sudoku in the paper.
You know those little number puzzles that are all the rage.
I'm addicted.
I wish I'd never started them because now I sit there at the kitchen table muttering to myself every day like some crazy person.
"Uh if the 2 goes there, then the 3 can only go there and that means the 5 has to go there. No wait a second ahhhhhhhhhh screw it."
I've only ever completed a few of them but now I look forward to trying every day.
It's like the crack-puzzle.
Posted by Humble on April 24, 2007 @ 10:06|Permalink
This, That and the Other Thing.
Well my 12 year old finished her pubic lice project. Ah those are proud moments when a child gets to that stage in life where she cries, "Daddy I got an A in Pubic Lice!"
Well done sweety.
The other night her and her friend were pasting things on some large blue construction paper and I must say for a PL project it looked very nice.
Maybe next time she can work on something more appealing, say a crampy bowel or anal leakage.
Our dog Tucker had his hair cut yesterday. My wife had them leave the hair around his head long and trim the rest of his already little body very very short.
Now he's got a big head and a teeny tiny body. Kind of like Lindsay Lohan only smarter.
I'd love to show you some pictures but while I was taking them I dropped my digital camera on the kitchen floor.
Why?
Cause I'm an ass.
The lens is jammed and the camera is f-ed.
I called Canon and found the nearest repair facility and a nice lady named Marion told me the good and bad news.
Good news...it can be fixed for about a hundred bucks. (Yah that's good news alright.)
Bad news...it can't be fixed and the lens will need replacing and that'll be 220 something plus tax.
Super.
Once second I'm trying to make the funny hey-doesn't-the-dog-look-stupid pictures and the next second I'm buying a new camera.
I guess it could be worse I too could have a big head and a teeny little body.
Finally. Isn't amazing how much different everything seems when the weather stops sucking?
I was downtown Thursday afternoon (yes more meetings) and heading home West on the Gardiner it was just a glorious afternoon.
Yes the traffic was crawling along but what a difference from a week or so ago.
It's a good thing we Canadians have short memories for how crappy it can be around here.
Just last week it looked like it was never going to warm up and now it's like "Hasn't it been this way forever?"
One of my best friends Lou Schizas from Bnn and Mojo, let me speak to his finance class yesterday at Sheridan.
I say "let" because I wasn't there talking about being a big shot radio ass (my usual speech) but I was work-shopping a humourous-motivational piece I wrote called "Failing to Succeed". It's a work in progress that I'm going to one day perfect and Lou was the first to let me try it.He gave me some great feedback from his Giant Brain.
My message is simple. Failure isn't something to be avoided but rather to be embraced as a gateway to Success. (I've made a career out of it!) Then I tell a bunch of goofy jokes and we all go home.
I'll just put this out there. If you'd like me to speak at your office or club I'd really appreciate the chance to do my little talk and learn a little bit more about how this type of thing is delivered.
Let me know.
Other junk.
My daughter brought home an alto-sax yesterday that she's learning to play in school.
I was very proud because years ago I took sax lessons and it was cool to see her do the same.
I had however forgot that the sounds a beginner makes on the horn are heinous, painful and actually made the dog shiver and our 9 year old cry.
"The following is an actual conversation between Howard Glassman and his dog Tucker."
Howard: Tucker! What's that noise?
Tucker: (Whistling,scratchy noise from another room.)
Howard: Are you Daddy's boy of boys? Tucker. What's that whistling?
Tucker: (Scratchy noise.)
Howard: OH you've got a plastic whistle. (singing) "You are the boy of boys!" You can't have a plastic whistle.
Tucker: (Thinking to himself) This guys nuts.
I need to get to start getting out of the house a little more often.
I often mention Mike Boon. He is HTML Obi Wan to my Luke. He got me started using the Blog-Force and is still an adviser/mentor/friend when it comes to issues that arise.
I also like his site To Mike.
He recently turned me on to this great BBC doc about the Most Hated Family in America.
Do yourself a favor, put aside about 40 minutes and give it a look. It's un-F-ing-believable.
I'm taping the Gil Deacon show this Thursday Morning. Wanna make a made dash down and check me out?
Here are the details. Time: Audience check in between 9:15am to 9:30am for a 10am show start (Show to last until noon)
Location: CBC - 25 John Street, Toronto
Contact: Lindsey Stewart at gilltix@cbc.ca or by phone at 416-205-2944
I'm on talking humor with Luba Goy(?) and my pal Kenny Robinson.
Kenny was one of the first Yuk Yuks comics I ever went on the road with. It was quite the experience filled with all sorts of stuff I can't divulge here.
Some of it involved MAP.(Massive Amounts of Pot.)
He and Wayne Fleming and I toured Albert for about 3 weeks together and I'd never seen anyone consume The Herb the way these lads did.
Of course that was a long time ago and no one does that anymore. It's illegal and wrong and nowadays the pot is so strong if you smoked that much you gnaw off your own hand.
I'm writing this prior to the American Idol results and I'm going to say this. Sanjaya isn't going anywhere.
The dude has got something.
Tuesday night he sang some song that didn't suck and he's going to stick around.
He's actually getting better.
Randy said he thinks Sanjaya may be one of the smartest contestants they've ever had on the show. Then Randy said,"Yeah! Dog and the Yoh factor!"
I get it. Sanjaya may have only been pretending to suck and now he's got all this sympathy and all of a sudden he's not bad.
All I know is that the chick with the nice legs is done.
I've been busy the last couple of days and the next few are packed as well so excuse the short postings.
Bingo Bob e-mailed me yesterday. He referred to my posting about Charlie's' pubic lice project and said "What school is she going to? Ron Jeremy Junior High!"
Very funny that boy.
She is doing some Health class assignment on pubic lice. I'm just glad it doesn't involve a trip to Home Depot. How awkward would that visit be.
"Yeah we're doing a project on pubic lice, have you got any, uh, steel wool?"
I talked to Judy Croon yesterday on the phone, dam she's funny. Plus she's a great laugher.
I was going over some material with her and she never fails to make you think your on the right track. Lot's of comics I've worked with over the years only react to something funny with a blank stare or the words, "That's Funny."
If you ever get a chance to see Judy do her thing go, you won't be disappointed
I had two weird things happen to me in my car recently.
1)I was in a parking lot traffic jam.
2)I got into some road rage incident with a mother and her kid.
1)I'm downtown for a meeting yesterday(I do that a lot, it seems) and I went to get my car in a lot East of Yonge street.
It was jammed with 15 cars, all trying to get out at the same time. It was madness.
How is it that all these people decided to leave at once?
This only happens in Toronto.
20 minutes later I asked the ticket-lady if I could get a discount since I was finished parking 20 minutes ago and I shouldn't have to pay for the time it took me to get out.
She just stared at me blankly and said "That's funny."
2)I'm on my street going home just under the speed limit-50 kmh-when Mini-Van Mom passes me!
Seriously. She speeds up to at least 65, goes around on the left and flies by me.
I freak out and chase her down.
She stops.
I roll my window down and say,"I'm sorry to bother you but you just passed me on a residential street! There are kids on that street"
She' a little freaked out but comes back with.
"I didn't see any kids!"
Nice. I say, "So you think it's okay to go that fast in a neighborhood with kids?"
Mini-Van Mom tries again."I'm in a hurry because it's an emergency!"
This is quite the debate.
I yell back,"Good try. You should be ashamed of yourself!"
She says,"No you should be ashamed of yourself!"
Huh?
At this point I gave up. I guess I should be ashamed of myself for having the nerve to call her on her reckless behavior.
I'm not ashamed though. I just hate the thought of a kid being run over because some idiot is in too big a hurry.
Sorry, I don't have a punchline here.
It's Radio Ratings day today and for only the second time in nearly 2 decade I'm not involved.
Good luck Radio People.
I promise you everyone will find some way to say they're number 1 by days end.
"We're Toronto's most listened to Station" (....with Men 25-26 who report an income over 30 thousand but less than 32, living between Toronto and Mississauga and having no permanent address. Oh and we're number 1 with hermaphrodites.)
I'm still getting over the Tiger loss. In sports it's hard rooting for somebody or a Team and then watch them come up short. Of course it could be worse I could be a Leaf Fan.
Wow.
I talked with my pal Mike Boon today and he made an interesting point. He said, "At least Tiger will play in a few more majors this summer, that's it for the Leafs...no more chances!"
No kidding. From what I've read today if the team doesn't do something drastic, they won't make be playing any majors again next year.
Finally my 12.5 year old Daughter made this announcement recently.
She's doing a health project on pubic lice.
Eeeeewwwwww.
Pretty much our reaction. How proud we were, as you can imagine.
I'm thinking what kind of project is that? What happened to making baking soda Volcanoes?
She said it could have been worse, she could be doing Gonorrhea or Chlamydia.
Yes your right honey, it could have been way worse.
Probably the only time as a father that your happy your daughter only ended up with pubic lice.
The Leafs lost last night and so did The Habs. How cool is this game Saturday night going to be?
I mentioned earlier in the week that I would even watch if it was To vs Mtl and I will.
It's a must-win game, winner makes the playoffs....sort of.
The Leafs make the playoffs as long as they beat Mtl in regulation and the Isles don't win both of their last 2 games. I think.
Whatever, it's as close to a meaningful games that's been played around here in sometime.
My MySpace page has grown quite a bit over the past few months. I've been marketing the book there and it's worked out quite well. My old Edge friend Danielle Holke has been helping me and she's done an awesome job. Check it out by clicking here.
I have many friends. Many of which are Delicious.
Finally it's time for my Easter Joke. I've been telling this for years and recently I ran it by my pal Tim to make sure it wouldn't offend. He's a very cool, pious person and he liked it.
Here goes.
Everyone knows Good Friday is the day that Jesus was crucified, Sunday is the day he rises but no one ever talks about Saturday. My theory is all the Disciples got together and had a garage sale and sold all JC's stuff. On Sunday when Jesus returns they're all embarrassed and looking down at their sandals and he's like ..."Hey where's my Ipod? Hey, where's my bike?? What part of I'm coming back didn't you guys get?"
Happy Happy Easter and end of Passover.(Yes my Hebrew Homies, only a couple more days of Matzoh and then all our "Plumbing" will start to work again!)
Posted by Humble on April 6, 2007 @ 08:53|Permalink
Random Thinkings for a Tuesday
You've got to see this.
It's a YouTube video with the embedded code disabled. I guess the Dad didn't want his kids video blasted all over the web. He uploaded it to YouTube but whatever. It's very cute/funny and I promise you'll watch it more than once.
Okay, now that your back. Check this out. Tucker still has his Nuts!!
Yesterday I wrote this whole thing about our little dog having his noogies snipped and how once before he was pardoned at the last minute by kindly Vet Dr. Al.
Well it's happened again.
He's apparently so small that his liver function is still immature and they don't want to put him out for an operation until he gets a little bit older.
If you ever saw him Freak-Humping one of his slippers you'd know his doolie is functioning just fine.
The Slime that Men Do success from LifeFest continues. I wrote earlier that we sold a lot of books and met many nice peeps at the Trade show last weekend. Well that networking has already turned into 2 possible speaking dates for The Slime Guy(me).
I always envisioned there being a niche for me to speak about The Slime That Men Do in front of an audience of Women and now that may be finally coming through. I'll keep you postered.(Yes I meant to say "postered". It's a Randee-ism)
Speaking of Randee I've asked her to blog something about The Masters. Maybe a little expose about all the various quirks and rules I have surrounding watching it and her experiences in that area.
She probably won't so instead I present.
An Interview with Randee about the Masters....
Posted by Humble on April 5, 2007 @ 08:56|Permalink
Random Thinkings for a Wednesday
Our dog Tucker gets his cojones snipped today. He was scheduled to have it done late last year but at the last minute was given a reprieve.
Tucker as many of you know, spends most of his days humping like a mad-man.
He “dates” two slippers we call The Sisters.
Our Vet Dr. Al, says this will continue after the operation but not as much.
Good thing cause his vigorous Slipper-Boinking was getting a little intimidating.
The Leafs won last night. Personally I could give a rats-ass but I have many friends like Mike Boon and others who are Leaf Freaks, so I pull for the team on their behalf.
Having said, that a Leaf vs Mtl match-up for a playoff spot Saturday night would be awesome. I may even watch.
Speaking of Mike Boon he does nice little site and helped build this one. Check him out for some Real Leaf Fan Coverage.
I stole this YouTube thing from him. Pretty funny.
Speaking of Leafs. Tie Domi is an idiot. End of discussion. I read that whole “Screaming at your kids Coach” thing and wasn’t the least bit surprised.
The only thing to feel is sad for the kid.
The only thing that’s certain is this won’t be the last lunk-head thing we hear from TD.
Speaking of Tiger.(When aren’t I?) My Masters coverage begins today. (See Tiger will win if…..)
This year will be a bit different for me as I’m actually going on the road to watch some of the coverage.
Friday I’ll be out in Acton with my buddy Lumby who loves this event almost as much as I do. (I hope he doesn’t laugh at my TW bobble-head.)
Normally watching The Masters is a solitary activity for me as I don’t want to be distracted by anyone else’s remarks.
I’ve come prepared though. If he does start talking during any important parts I’ll just “Jungle Blow Dart” him into a stupor.
You think I’m kidding.
Posted by Humble on April 4, 2007 @ 09:18|Permalink
Random Thinkings for a Tuesday
Today is Passover day two. Last night we had some family over for a meal that my wife started cooking on Sunday.
It was amazing. Real tasty Jew-Food. Chicken soup, gefilte fish with horse-radish, tender chicken and fried matzoth with onions.
If you don't know what Passover is think about the movie The Ten Commandments. It's that part where the families get together and put a splash of Ram's Blood over their door so The Angel of Death will "Passover" their houses.
We don't do the ram's blood thing nowadays cause it's too hard to find the good stuff. We do though, still encourage the Angel of Death to haul ass away from our house. Yours too!
More about Passover here.
The response from Life Fest continues to be solid. I've gotten more follow up e-mails from this than from any of the other shows we did. Some very nice women-people like the book and are checking in with me. I think one e-mailer sort of invited me to get slimy with her if I wanted. Grrrrrllllllll.
Randee saw the e-mail and laughed. I guess she can't imagine it either.
This would be weird. The Leafs miss the playoff, The Raptors, who are in, win the NBA Championship on the 40th anniversary of the Leafs last Stanley Cup.
What if the Leafs did make the playoffs and they won the Stanley Cup and the Raptors win the NBA championship.
What if a giant green bird landed on my roof and laid a big Volkswagen-sized egg filled with toonies.
Finally this is The Masters week. Today they'll be just practicing, tomorrow is the par 3 contest (long story, but the legend has it that no winner of the par 3 contest has gone on to win the real tournament. oooohhh scary!)
Thursday the real thing begins.
That's also the day I stop answering my phone during the coverage.
Wednesday I'll have my predictions. "Gee I wonder if Howard's picking Tiger?"
Posted by Humble on April 3, 2007 @ 08:04|Permalink
Lot's of Random Thoughts.
This weekend the Slime is on the road again. LifeFest is this big-time Chick consumer show and I'm hopeful this will be the one. Of course I always think that. I just know we'll sell many many books and the whole thing will be an amazing experience.
Of course I also thought my morning show would eventually catch on too.
My wife and I laugh a lot about a lot of different things. Nothing makes us laugh to tears like this trade show thing.
I don't know what it is.
Maybe it's the hours of standing there under blinding florescent lights, feet aching, talking to thousands of people, saying the same things over and over again.
All I know is it makes us giddy and we laugh our heads off.
Maybe it's the things people say to us.
-"I don't need to buy your book I could have written it!'
-"My boyfriend's not a Slime."
-"I'm not into Male-bashing!"
-"Were you the Sock?"
The Leafs are getting close to making the playoffs. I've already said I'm not really a Leaf Fan, but my buddy Mike Boon is so for his sake I hope they squeak in. Funny how sports will make a buddy do that for another bud.
I'm sure he'd want Tiger to win the Masters as well.
Doesn't everybody?
I've been on a cleanse now for the last 7 days. I need to lose about 11 more pounds before my hernia operation in May. Long story that I'll elaborate on later.
The point is it seems that the key to my weight loss is simple.
STOP EATING CRAP.
That's all.
If I cut out fries, giant portions, massive dim sum feasts, chocolate covered almonds, eating what my kids don't and not downing half a bottle of red wine with dinner...I'm gold.
One week almost 4 pounds. Seriously.
I call it The Stop Eating a bunch of Crap diet plan. Feel free to try it.
Being home every morning as my kids get ready for school is interesting. It's like they can't seem to figure out that their mother wants them to go faster which apparently is at odds with what they are doing which is going slower.
It's just plain fun to be part of. (That was just sarcasm.)
Help me.
Cold temperatures are brutal on the homeless. It got me thinking. You know how you always hear that theoretically no one on the planet should go hungry, as globally we produce more than enough food to feed all.
I think the homeless problem is like that. Don't you have a spare room or a couch? I call it Bring the Homeless Home. That's right if we just invited The Homeless Home then problem solved.
Next time instead of throwing that dude under the Gardiner some change or ignoring him, open up the door and Invite The Homeless Home.
Personally, I could use the company.
Finally my little pal Josh Holiday checked in.
"Big blurb about Freeway going to Calgary and nothing about your long-time buddy since '93 Josh Holliday? ;-) Hope you're well. Let's talk up the book some time."
My apologies. Josh is doing great guns at X92.9 New Rock Calgary, check out his MySpace here.
Oh look, Isn't that Josh Holliday, he appears to be saying something.
February is just about done. Which is fine for me. I don't like the silent "R" much and if you ever hear someone say Feb-rooo-airy, they sound like a dink.
I feel the same way about Wednesday. I also feel the same way about people who call it Hump Day.
You'd be surprised how many people still do. They are dinks too.
I spent some time last night with my Brother Steve and wife Randee. My wife Randee, not his.
He was in town because he fairly runs the CBC and we ate dinner on Front Street with the Pre-Heinous-Leaf-Loss crowd.
Our waiter was a great guy and I asked him to bring his manager over so I could give him some "ups" as the kids say.
Well the manger came over and he was a very striking man with nicely contoured eyebrows. I mention this because after, we were informed that when not getting fans ready for the game, he performs as Tiffany in a show down in the Village.
I told Randee, that we should go sometime and she mocked me saying I wouldn't be able to handle it. I said nay nay. I could. As long as their little "Shows" are over and I'm back home by 9pm.
Finally a Spencer story. She's my 9 year old, who like her mother, is funny without trying.
Before I left to do the Corner Gas thing on the weekend, I was telling her it would be odd meeting people that I was going to have to do a long interview with later, and not wanting to ask too many questions...so the thing would feel fresher.
She says, "Just say, wass up with your lives, Yo?"
I laughed and said, I'll be sure to explain that my 9 year old told me to say that.
She comes back with, "No, tell them I'm 8, it'll seem cuter coming from an 8 year old!"
Wow. That's just so weird. Funny, but weird.
This trade deadline thing seems to be quite the deal. For me? Not so much. Unless The Leafs can trade for Sydney Crosby I don't think anything will change.
I have friends who are Leafs fans and you sir(me) are no Leaf Fan.
I spent the weekend at The Temple Gardens Spa in Moose Jaw. You'd never believe how good the room was. I'm serious. It was one of the nicest hotel rooms/mini-suites I've ever stayed in.
I can see why it's booked solid most weekends of the year.
I also lost a hundred bucks in The Moose Jaw Casino.
It was late, I may have been over-served and I vaguely recall doubling down on 6.
I think David Miller may have a point. I know he's a left wing socialist whatever but something has to be done to start paying for programs and improvements in cities across Canada.
Raising property taxes is kinda sucking don't ya think? A penny from the GST is one of those quaint, good Sound Bites-crazy schemes that just might work...dagnabit.
I have no doubt the federal government will say no, because that's what they do.
But it's certainly time that some more federal money was targeted for municipalities and cities. Especially this one.
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