Slime 2

It's been a while since I posted some New Slime but believe me I could every day. Lot's of nice people are loving the book and sending me new entries. Thank you.
Here is a short but cool little bit o slime!

Slime Story: My boyfriend took me, my female room mate and a couple of his friends out dancing for my birthday. I wanted to go bowling. Bowling is fun! We went to a goth bar and for this small town, red neck honky girl, goth people are not my scene. Goth bolwing would be funner. It was scary and I am not prone to mingling with freaky people. I started to dance with my room mate. Yeahhhhh My boyfriend got upset and left for no apparent reason. Boooooooo Later on, once he had calmed down, he explained that he was angry because he thought that i was trying to get it on with my room mate.Ahem. And that would make him angry, Why? Ew. Oh I wouldn't say Ew!!!

The Slime That Guys who don't want their Girlfreind to "get it on" with their Roomates DO!

Posted by Humble on February 27, 2007 @ 09:32 | Permalink

No Stroganoff for YOU!!

Hello Howard. HelloMy girlfriend JoAnne sent you a couple of her slime stories and now I would like to send one of mine.Okay

This happened about ten years ago. I was in a relationship ( approx. 6 months) with Ann ( not her real name). She was studying for an exam which meant a promotion at the bank where she worked so I understood she needed time to herself on this particular weekend . I telephoned her

Friday night to invite her to my house Saturday evening for dinner I thought she would like to have a break from studying .Sounds nice, so far. She accepted my invitation and seemed genuinely happy to spend a couple of hours with me Saturday eve. I told to come over at any time and we would eat about 6 o'clock and that I was preparing beef stroganoff. For real or is that some Euphemism for some humpy? Well, 6 o'clock Saturday evening rolled around and no Sue ,7 o'clock and no Sue ,8 o'clock and no Sue . I waited until 9 and then phoned to see why she was so late .It seemed she decided not to come over .When I asked her why she didn`t call me earlier her reply was " what do I have to do ? Call you every 5 minutes" Whats that word that rhymes with Bitch!?
I imagine you had all the Stroganoff to yourself and now I'm being euphemistic!

Posted by Humble on January 30, 2007 @ 10:32 | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's been a while since I gave you some Slime for free. Check out this story from SlimeToo!

The whole family's Crazy/Slimy!

Hi there, Hello I have been reading the book the slime that men do...believe it or not I got it has part of my wedding gft recently. Nice.(Married not to a slime) I have story to top many of them in the book. I was working at a theatre and was set up on a blind date with a funeral director.Fun! I was a little hesitant because it was a blind date and the person setting me up didn't know the guy that well but I had been single for awhile and it was getting close to Valentines day so I thought why not.

The blind date was a double date and
when I first saw him I thought he is not my type. He reminded me of a
lepracon. Ooooh, Lepracon's are hot. My girlfriend who set us up told me to stop being so shallow..that
dating based on looks had not worked in the past. I agreed to carry on the
date. At the end of the night he asked me out for a second date which I
agreed to. I worked mainly nights so our first date alone was an afternoon
date. He picked me up and he said he needed to pick something up at his
house. We get there and he ask if I want to go in. Well. I walk through the
door and there are his parents!! Squeeze me? He brought me over to meet them to see if
his mother approved!! Anyway I was pleasant but she starts by saying how she
has put "our" names forward to go to his cousins wedding at the end of
August. I thought this is a little much for a second date. We left and had a
pleasant afternoon and I went to work. I was thinking I will just speak with
my friend and gently end it next time I see him.
I was working on Valentines
day and he surprised me with roses at the end of my shift and asked to go
for coffee. I thought I hate to break it to him on Valentines but I wasn't
going to lead him on anymore. We go to a local coffee shop where he told me
he had a overnight bag in his car...so he was in no hurry. He gets up in
front of everyone in the coffee shop and pronounces that I am the love of
his life and asked me to marry him. Are you kidding?I wish I was kidding. It was the most
humiliating thing. I had of course after the awws died down told everyone it
was a third date..who proposes on a third date? anyway I told him I would
get myself home and that this was not working in anyway. He said ignore the
cards coming in the mail then (which by the way showed up and I still have
because of how unreal this story is).
The next day in the morning I get a call from his mother asking why I broke
her sons heart. After listening to her for a few minutes go on and on...I
lost it. I said I never even f***d your son and if I did I am not that good
of a f**k that he would propose to me on a third date. These words with the F's do they rhyme with Duck?I hung up the phone
and stayed a friends place for a few days. I thought the whole family is
crazy. ..As Bats! My giirlfriend apologized over and over and let me tell you I have
not gone on a blind date since.

Posted by Humble on January 9, 2007 @ 08:36 | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've been getting quite a few new submissions for Slime stories and I thank you. If you have a good one send it to Slime@HumbleHoward.com, who knows you could be in the sequel.

Recently I've advertised the book on Craigslists in Toronto, Vancouver, LA and New York and so far no response. But I did come across this Slime entry from one of the "Best-of" catagories.
It's called Pissed Off in Port Orchard. You'll see why once you read it.

THANKS Jennifer..........

.....For leaving bite marks all over my husbands chest last night. No, really, Thank You! You have no idea what a nightmare you have just saved me and my kids from. To reward you for your services I am offering you my husband for keeps. Should you accept your prize please note the following rules.

1. You are going to have to financially support him. I say this because we have 2 children together (but you knew that) which means that he will have to give up a sizable chunk of his pay to support them in the manner they deserve. Please keep in mind that since he has kept me a stay at home Mom for the better part of the last 11 years he will also be paying me alimony. So forget about his money honey.....cause it's mine!

2. You will have to provide him with new attire. You see after he stepped from our (now mine) shower this morning dripping wet and naked is when I discovered your little "love bites". It just so happened that at that EXACT moment a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing. Therefore he will come to you almost naked (lucky you). The bright side is that you can dress him any way you want. Go nuts and buy him a leash and some vinyl attire or a cute little dress while your at it.

3. You will have to give him up every other weekend. This time will be set aside for his visits with his children. Since he openly admitted (in front of several people) that you are just "some dumb drunk bitch" that he met at a "tweakers" (meth addict!)house you will be banned from these visits for fear of my children’s safety. Just so you know, that is also going to be the reason to have his visits limited (if not supervised). After all WTF was HE doing at a "tweakers" house in the first place?

4. You will not be having a proper sex life. Yes, I know that you didn't fuck him last night. Since his back injury 4 years ago his penis hasn't worked right. Too bad for you because before that it was THE BEST SEX EVER and we fucked all the time! however, now he'll most likely disappoint you with his half hard member that only works with a little blue pill. Please don't let that fool you. The little blue pill means that he comes within 2 minutes....hardly enough time for you and 98% of the time he will just be too embarrassed to even try. Stock up on your batteries and/or multiple sex partners! By the way, No it CANNOT be fixed. It's nerve damage sweetie, deal with it!

5. You will NOT return him to me. I will NOT have him. He f**ked up when he touched you! I was a good wife to him and he had a good thing going on here. Don't be surprised if you don't live up to me because you wont and he will make you miserable for it!

6. He will blame you for ALL of this. He told me, with tears in his eyes, that you giggled to him "I hope your wife sees that". I don't know if you said it or not. I don't really care. However, just in case you did, your wish came true. I did see it, and he's pissed. He's so mad that you made that comment that when I punched him in the eye he apologized to me! Yes, I know violence is wrong and to be honest I've never hit anyone before. However, I am not sorry that I did and if I could have that moment back I would have simply aimed lower!

7. This one isn't really a rule, more like a friendly warning. I will make sure to take up as much of his time with the most petty shit I can find to spite you. I will make it my hobby to hurt him and you the same amount my kids are hurting right now. Please be aware that he will take it, he will eat my shit for years with a smile. I was with him for 12 years, I know him better. Yes, I do feel completely justified in my actions. Just in case you were wondering.

So Thank you, Jennifer the dumb drunk bitch from the tweakers house who left bite marks on my husband chest last night, for showing me that 11 years and 2 children were no match for you! I applaud you on a man well won. HE'S ALL YOURS YOU F**KING WHORE!
WowThe next book is going to be awesome!

Posted by Humble on December 2, 2006 @ 10:56 | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm happy to report that entries are already pouring in for the second book. Okay, maybe not exactly pouring, but at least a good dribble.

Slime from a Guy about another Guy!
-Craig

Here is a story of a guy I knew who was always quick to go through the
ladies and unfortunately made a habit of lying and cheating over and over
again. He never held onto a job and always relied on his girlfriend to
support him. Nice! He starts dating this lady who has a lot of money and a big
job.....she supports him and he moves into her house. He starts cheating on
her with another lady and when his first girlfriend has to go away for 4
months on a job, he invites the other girl to move into "his" house and
charges her 500$ a month rent!. Wow! Talk about double dipping!

The Slime that Cheating Men/Landlord Wannabes DO

Posted by Humble on November 22, 2006 @ 07:58 | Permalink