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Slime Samples
Slime Slime and more Slime.
It's been a while since I released any Slime samples so I thought some you new kids should get a taste of what all the fuss is about.
Just to bring you up to date. These were submitted to me over several months from Women all over the GTA. Many of them sent theirs in specifically to support the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, which a portion of all book sales goes to.
Mainly the stories are funny, bizarre and a little sad and are a great "How Not To" book for guys. As in "How not to-A)Tread a women....B)Get a second date....C)Ever Get laid in your lifetime!
Here's one from Slime 2(Yes, there's going to be another.)
Nice approach and creepy too!
Well, one hot summer day, before school was out but during exams, my two girlfriends and I go to the park because they have a great sprinkler system that lots of kids go to play in. We had lots of fun, were there for most of the afternoon. When we left, we were of course soaking wet, and we have to walk down a pretty busy street. We just exit the park when these three guys in a pickup truck pull up to us and ask where the beer store is. OH THAT OLD BIT! We tell them, whatever no big deal, but then they completely pass it and pull into a driveway so that they can talk to us when we get there. They block off the sidewalk with their truck and start talking to us... asking how old we are (16 at the time), tells us they are staying in a hotel not far away, really laying it on think and hardcore flirting,...and as we begin to leave, one of them calls out ... "Hey, do you want to f**k?" NO BEATING AROUND THE BUSH HERE OR MAYBE THAT'S KIND OF WHAT THEY WERE AFTER!...(his words exactly)We all turn around to confront him then my one friend who was walking in the middle, grabs !
both of our asses and says..."That's what these are for" Ha THAT'LL TEACH EM, OR TURN THEM ON!... and so we continued walking away. It was pretty funny and yet creepy at the same time. The one guy who did all the talking, never took off his sunglasses, and made the three of us really uncomfortable. That is my story.
THE SLIME THAT MEN WHO TRY AND PICK UP 16 YEAR OLDS DO!
First look at the New Book
There's no doubt that I'll be selling the original Slime That Men Do for sometime. Xmas, Wedding season, Valentines day, Canada day.(just kidding about that last part, although why not give your loved ones Slime and fireworks)
Anyway, I thought you'd like to see one of the first submissions for the second book, The Slime That Men Do 2.
First date, do my laundry, Second date do my taxes????
-Tracy
When I was working at the bingo hall, a young man, one of the customers, struck up a conversation and asked if I would like to "take in a movie" with him. He seemed like a decent fellow, so I gave him my address. He said he'd come by about 8 pm.
At 8 pm, this guy shows up at my front door with a videocassette and two bags of laundry. "While we're watching this movie on your VCR, would you mind if I put my laundry through?"
After I was through laughing, I closed the door and left him out on the step.
The Slime That Guys you meet at Bingo Do
For those unfamiliar with Slime
I realized that not everybody coming here has clue 1 as to what this book is all about.
Here's the realease that goes out to the media.
The Slime That Men Do!
With the help of hundreds of listeners who submitted their Slime stories, radio personality Humble Howard has put together an amusing selection of bad dates, bizarre valentine celebrations and just general Slimy Guy behavior.
The Slime That Men Do is funny, strange and sometimes sad but always entertaining and something that many women and not a few men will relate to.
The stories were submitted through several months of The Humble Howard Morning Show on the Mix in Toronto and a few were picked each week to be read on the air. The response was overwhelming. The motivation was increased due to the fact that it was known that a part of the proceeds were to go to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. In fact many women prefaced their stories with the note that they hoped some good would come out of their Slimy situation!
This fall the book will be published and sold throughout the Canada and will hopefully raise money and awareness for the CBCF. Howard will be speaking on several Radio and TV shows and at the National Women’s Show in both Toronto and Ottawa further raising the profile of the book and of the very worthwhile cause it supports.
Sounds pretty professional huh?
Look below for look at the cover art.
And yes the Slime just keeps on Coming
INTERNET IDIOT
- Mary Joe Tedford
A few years ago I was in a dating slump and having difficulty meeting nice, single men. A friend coerced me into joining Lavalife. Truthfully I was a little hesitant. After all, I had heard so many scary Internet stories. But what the heck I joined.
It didn’t take long for me to meet someone. Some emails and telephone chatting later we decided to meet. And after a few dates and several phone calls later he invited me to his place for the weekend. We had a great time (without having sex) THAT CAN HAPPEN and I really started to think this guy was a true gem. WRONG A one-of-a-kind guy. After the weekend was over we had agreed to chat during the week and make some plans for the following week. He would call me or I would call him. No big deal.
By Wednesday I hadn’t heard anything I started thinking I had been given the
“I’ll call ya” line. I GET THAT ALLTHE TIME-FROM MY WIFE I was hesitant but I decided to find out for sure so I called and left a nice message asking about the weekend plans. By Friday night I still hadn’t heard anything so I decided to call one more time and then forget him. I dialed the number and the lovely Bell CANADA Lady came on the line and said “I’m sorry the party you are trying to reach does not wish to speak with you at this time. You have been Call Blocked.” WHAT THE? “WHAT THE?”
I’ve been dumped before, even on the phone but NEVER via the phone company. I was blown away. I was angry. I sent him a nasty email that made me feel good about myself. GOOD
Weeks went by and I forgot all about him. But one morning I check my email and sure enough I had one from this Slime with the subject SORRY.
He went on and on about how sorry he was and how much he really liked me and thought he deserved a second chance. I wrote him back saying Thanks but NO THANKS. And then I immediately deleted my Lavalife file and have officially given up meeting Men on the Internet. ON THE INTERNET OR IN PERSON…
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
The Slime Never Ends
ANOTHER SLIMEY, CHEAP, FIRST DATE…YES ONE OF THOSE.
-Ko
I was on a first date with a guy, who seemed like a nice, home-grown European boy at first glance. We had plans to go for drinks, his idea, and we were to meet at the bar, until a last-minute phone call had me chauffeuring the whole night. SO FAR NO BIGGY That’s not the worst part. I didn’t realize that I had an empty tank of gas, so after picking him up we stopped to fill up. He kindly offered to pump my gas for me … how sweet … I gave him $40 and asked him to put in $30 worth of gas, which is about all my car took at the time. He filled, he paid, he sat back in my car and faced forward. I thanked him and waited a brief moment … where the hell is my change? DUDE, WHERE’S HER CHANGE Should I ask? YES. Noooo, YES, he wouldn’t steal my money … who would do something like that? SLIME!! Ok, maybe he forgot … he’ll give it to me eventually. So I continued on the road. We went for drinks, which I didn’t enjoy because all I could think about was “is he seriously ripping me off $10?” YES At the end of the night, I dropped him off … and waited … he said nothing … he was about to kiss me goodnight until I confronted him. “What ever happened to my $10 change from the gas station?” He sat there … like a deer caught in headlights and said “what $10?” I explained how much I gave, how much gas he put in, and how much I was to get in return, just like a Grade 1 math lesson and in the end, all he had to say was “I don’t owe you $10”.YES, YES YOU DO I lost it, and jus before kicking him out, I demanded my money back. I watched him as he pathetically counted out change … twoonies, loonies, quarters … I guess he needed my $10 to pay for our date! BUT NOT THE SECOND ONE…
MORE OF THE SLIME THAT CHEAP MEN DO
Pre-Weekend Slime
SLIME, CRIME AND WHO KNOWS WHERE THIS DUDE IS???
Lisa R
I dated a guy in my mid-twenties who turned out to be Mr. Slime! He stole car speakers from a jeep and used my car as the get-away car! THAT'S NOT NICE. So a couple of days later, I'm at work and I get a phone call from my dad, a retired cop. He tells me that there are two detectives at the house asking where they can find me. They explain to him what's going on, and that I should meet them at the police station right away! So I go to the police station, meet my parents there and have a 'little' talk with the detectives. THAT SOUNDS LIKE ZERO FUN What I found out months later was that my dad asked a favor from the detectives, if they could put a scare into me so I would dump the boyfriend. Well I was scarred s**tless, IS THAT A BAD WORD? and dumped the guy! But who does that?!, YOUR EX. who steals something then uses their girlfriends car, so she gets nailed?! YOUR EX This guy is probably in jail somewhere right now! IN JAIL WITH THE REST OF
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Another Really Really Slimy Story
RING AROUND THE SLIME
-anon
My husband has left a wound so deep, I wonder if I'll ever trust a man again. I was married for ten years, 11 months when I finally left - almost nine years ago and I haven't had more than a couple of dates since then. (Trust me, I'm considered very above average in the looks and personality department, however, the majority of friends and family will not set me up or introduce me to prospective partners because THEY feel no one could measure up to ME, plus I'm considered a pretty good catch - good job & income, no children, my own house, car, etc., VERY independent, but still quite lonely.)MUCH LIKE MYSELF!
My ex & I traveled extensively throughout the US following the NASCAR racing circuit, visiting tracks, attending races, auctions, etc. He always dreamed of going to the Richard Petty Racing School at Charlotte Motor Speedway, so for our 10th Wedding Anniversary I secretly planned, paid for and got him a gift certificate for the one day course (still a costly $1500 US).NICE.
Understand that when we were first engaged, I picked out my own engagement & wedding ring and choose a small (petite) diamond set, knowing it was all we could afford. For two years prior to our 10th, I started hinting about the tenth Wedding Anniversary diamond band that they always advertised. I walked past jewellery shops and commented on the styles and designs. I paid for our contribution to the group lottery at our place of work (yea, we worked in the same building) and always joked with co-workers that he had to save his money for my ring, in his presence. HMMM, I WONDER IF HE WAS GETTING THE HINT!
So, there we where. Fancy restaurant, my nice card with the gift certificate, and he literally didn't have a THING. No card, no ring, no intention of even getting a ring. That night was the second time in my marriage that I cried. The first time was when my dog died. When I woke up the next day (being a Saturday) he wasn't home. When he returned, he THREW a jewellery bag across the room at me and said "HERE'S YOUR F----ING!!! RING, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW'. WHAT A DICK. YES I SAID DICK!
My marriage was over in that moment, not to mention he used my credit card to buy the ring. Eleven months later, I finally left. He never understood how selfish and slimy that was. He tried to fix things, but the damage was done, it was far too late. He hurt me more than I could ever forgive.
If there was ever a slimy guy - HE'S THE ONE!!
The SLIME THAT MEN DO
Slime for Tuesday
I'll be leaving my house early Tuesday to be on the EZ Rock Morning Show with STu and Colleen around 8:30, so I'm dropping a couple of things the night before.
ON AND OFF AGAIN SLIME.
- anon
Here is my story about a man who is slime!
I have been in and out of a 7-½ year relationship. We have had our problems
but the one problem that has been consistent is my ex-boyfriend’s long-term
friend (who just happens to be a woman he was once intimate with). Last
summer he broke up with me a couple of times after we had a fight. Recently
he told me that one of those times we split up he went camping with this
friend, just the two of them. He also told me that nothing happened between
them and nothing has since he met me.
He also told me that another time last summer when he broke up with me, he
again went camping with this girl and a couple of friends of hers. Again
nothing happened between them but he did receive some “oral” pleasure
from one of her girlfriends. He asked me if I could ever forgive him. I told
him that I could but only if he would give up his friend for good! He then
said that he could not do this and I was being ridiculous just asking him.
He also told me I was being insecure and paranoid. EXUSE ME, DIDN’T HE JUST TELL HER HE GOT A YOU-KNOW-WHAT FROM SOME OTHER CHICK. Well I am not these things and have since ended it with him.
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
The Good Slimes Never End!
WORLDS CHEAPEST SLIME
- Daniela
Now, I am not a high maintenance girl by any means. I don't expect the
biggest house on the block nor do I expect a man to pay for me. I have no
problem splitting, pitching in or even picking up the tab. However, if
there is one type of man that I will not tolerate, it is a man who
is complete cheapskate! I’M CHEAP BUT NOT EASY…OKAY I AM
We all know what it's like to save a buck or two, but when it comes to
only ordering water at a restaurant because you don't want to spend the
$1.50 on a coke, then we've got serious issues. I’D SAY
I should have seen the signs when he would only communicate with me via
e-mail. See, he lived in the 416's and I'm a 905'er, so it was destined to
be doomed. In our first conversation, he began to get restless after about
15 minutes and then explained how he's paying 10 cents a minute for the
call. Am I not worth the 10 cents?? We continued communicating by e-mail
of course, because it's free of charge. WOW
So, here comes date night. He asks me to meet him half way (even though I
KNOW it was closer for him) and he suggests "dinner" at the local watering
hole. And hey, I'm totally okay with that, right? I'm starving to death.
He said dinner, so why would I eat before hand?
We sit down, we get menus and his eyes suddenly bug out of his head
before he yelps "$6 bucks for garlic bread?? I can make it at home for
maybe 2 or 3 bucks max". I don't say much and continue to look at my menu
thinking that I have to escape. He then looks at me and says "Do you want to
share an entree?". Um? Okay? Sure. I agree to it even though we're at a
roadhouse joint where there is no entree for more than $12.99 WOW AGAIN
Our server comes along and he tells her that we'll need two plates because
we're sharing. He then chooses the ever so elegant entree of chicken
fingers and fries. The waitress asks "Would you like any garlic bread to
start?" leaving him to almost spontaneously combust and shout "No!". At
this point, I'm gagging on my ice tea for the fact that our server now
hates us and I am now considered cheap by association.
The entree comes and he keeps it in front of himself, therefore forcing me
to reach across the table for my food. I grab 1 - I repeat, ONE chicken
finger, and by the time I finish, he has already devoured all of the fries
and there is only one chicken finger left on the plate. He looks at me and
says "You don't want this do you?". OH COME ON YOU’VE GOT TO BE MAKING THIS UP…Too annoyed to even bother fighting
for what I know is mine, I shake my head and tell him to have it. I should
have wasted it by throwing it on the floor just to see him completely lose
his head.
Did I mention that I'm still starving?
The bill comes and he looks at it as if it had just grown a head. I catch
a glance at the $22.00 bill and ask if he would like to go halves. Why? I
don't know. Maybe to be nice? Or just to hurry up so I could go home already?
Reluctantly (I guess to be a nice guy) he says no, it's okay....
THEN, after calculating it a hundred times over, he looks at me and says
"Well, you had one chicken finger, so a toonie should about cover it"! THIS GUY SHOULD BE IN THE THRIFTY HALL OF FAME..UNBELIEVABLE
In the end, I gave him the toonie. Was I about to argue? No. Never! I'm
not that lame. It was a horrid date, but it all worked out in the end - we
never spoke again and on my way home, I was able to find a 24 hour
McDonald's to which I ordered my very own chicken fingers and fries :o)
THE SLIME THAT REALLY CHEAP MEN DO
Thursday Slime Offerring
SPECIAL DELIVEY FOR MR. SLIME
- Leigh-Anne K.
First I want to say thanks for giving me the opportunity to get this off my chest. It feels so much better getting to share it with all of you!
When I was expecting my second child and was actually in the delivery room in labor my husband, as he was leafing through a magazine, sitting back in the nice comfy rocking chair, looks up at me and asks “Is this going to take long?”. NICE As I sat there staring at him in disbelief at what he just asked me, he paused a moment then went back to reading his magazine.
After the baby was born he asks me, “Do you think the Doctor will let you stay in the hospital an extra night? I really want to go to my Christmas Party!” GREAT GUY-GREAT DAD By this point I am just happy at the thought of not having to look at his face an extra night so I arrange it. But the best part of this story is the morning the baby and I are being released I get a call 30 minutes before discharge time from my "joy of a husband" to tell me that the receptionist at his work left the door open a bit on his car last night so his battery is dead. He is going to be a bit late. After waiting for another two hours I called my mom and dad to come and pick us up.
Needless to say he has a well deserved EX in front of his title now! HE MAY BE YOUR EX BUT HE WILL ALWAYS QUALIFY FOR…
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Slime for Today
SLIME WRESTLING
-Rose Christie
Here is my story:
After 11 years of marriage my husband (ex now lol) decided that the "mud wrestling" tickets he had won would make a wonderful Anniversary present. Personally I think he was thinking of his interests (haha). Being the trouper I am I did not complain and went along with this. Before going to the show we went to Turtle Jacks in Brampton where we met a male friend who was also accompanying us to the show (wow what an Anniversary). SOUNDS GREAT, YOU-HIM-HIS BUDDY AND MUD WRESTLING!
While at Turtle Jacks I informed the waitress it was our anniversary and asked her to guess where my husband was taking me. After I informed her, of course her guesses were wrong, YOU MEAN SHE DIDN’T GUESS MUD-WRESTLING she got the Manager and they both came to our table. The Manager and the waitress told my husband he was lucky I was not divorcing him (that came 1 year later.)
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Same Place Different Slime
Another short and funny little bit-o-slime.
SLIMEY AND HUNGRY
-anon
How can a guy come across so intelligent and yet be such a weenie? I DON’T KNOW.
I was dating this guy for a few months and he was totally commitment-phobic (married for 3 months previously lol)
Anyways, e-v-e-r-y Saturday night was "guys" night and the "boys" would go to out drink and be merry. Which is fine and dandy the only problem was I would get a call @ 2 a.m. and not for a booty call but for me to pick up a sub and chocolate milk and bring it to him.YOUR KIDDING... yeah like that relationship is gonna last. BOOTY WOULD BE MORE FUN AND LESS FATTENING. Anywya I dumped him and gave him the local pizza place's number, hopefully that delivery guy gets a better tip than I did. FUNNY AND SLIMEY AT THE SAME TIME..
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Short Slime for a Sunday
For you new peeps, check out all the Slime entrys for details on the book and it's cause.
SLIME…SHORT AND SWEAT
-Heather
I once dated a guy who invited me over to his house and proceeded to play video games. To make matters worse, while I was sitting beside him on the couch patiently waiting for him to finish, he reached over and wiped his sweaty hands on my pants without even lifting his eyes from the screen. To this day I don’t think he realizes exactly why I broke up with him. I CAN GAURENTEE IT
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Apparently Picking your Nose on a Date is a TURN OFF?
ANOTHER REALLY SLIMEY BAD 1ST DATE.
-Angela Willows
I just couldn't resist sharing this story from "the dating" files.....
I knew the date was going to go wrong from the beginning when the hostess at the restaurant held the door open for us and my date snuck in the door in front of me. He insisted that we share an appetizer that he swore was the greatest piece of food he had ever tasted. Given that we had never met, I was a little uncomfortable with this. To make matters worse, he ate directly from the plate with his hands and licked his fingers between bites. EWWWWWUUUECH
Which wouldn't have been nearly as disturbing except that he kept sticking his finger in his nose. EWWWWWWUUUECH SQUARED.
I started to think that it was a subconscience action to put his finger in his nose because I had a stray piece of snot on my face. I finally excused myself to the bathroom to see if that was the case. Naturally, I took my purse which contained my cell phone so I could make an emergency call to leave this date. When I realised that I was clear I started laughing and decided to see this date through. Apparently, it was a habit and not a message to me. MAYBE HE THOUGHT CHICKS LIKED GUYS WHO PICK THEIR NOSES. OR MAYBE NOT.
My date tried to order my meal for me but since he had no idea what I had decided upon, it was a little awkward. Even the waiter had a look on his face like, "What are you doing with this dufus?" Through the entire date, he didn't look at me but continued to talk while watching a TV in the bar directly behind me. He didn't ask me one question about myself. I tried to lead him by asking him things that I could tell him something about me. It didn't work. ANYONE SURPRISED?
When the cheque came I offered to split the meal. He reviewed the cost of the meal and determined that it was more than he wanted to spend and put down $40. I paid the remaining $75. He walked me to my car and it when he moved in to give me a kiss, I shot my hand out to shake his so quickly, he looked startled. AGAIN THIS SURPRISING ANYONE?? When he called again to ask for another date, I let it ring. I'm sure he is still wondering what went wrong and why I didn't return his call.
I’LL BE HE’S WONDERING AND PICKING HIS NOSE AT THE SAME TIME.
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
The actual book is coming out in the next 10 days or so, and early next week I'll post a shot of the cover.
ATTENTION SLIME FANS-Unbelievable 1st Date Story
UH, VERY CREEPY.
-Anonymous
I had recently been separated after being married for a number of years and went out on my very first date. It was all very new and exciting to me but at the same time, I was very nervous, as I had not been out on a "date" in over 14 years.
I went to this "gentlemen's" house to have a drink before we were going out (this man was not someone I had just met, I had known him through work for a number of years, so I felt quite comfortable going to his place first). He lived in a bachelor apartment in Toronto, no bedroom, so his queen size bed was in the middle of the one room he did have. In front of his bed were a small loveseat and a TV in front of the loveseat. Everything was going fine, I had been there for about an hour when I excused myself to use his bathroom. I went to the bathroom and in my best estimate; I was gone for maybe 1.5 to 2 minutes - tops.
When I came out of the bathroom I found my date stripped completely naked, sprawled out on his bed, pleasuring him self. NICE MOVE VERY CLASSY!
I don't remember my exact words, but it was something like "Oh dear god". He asked me if I wanted to watch, which I said, not particularly. He went on to say how I was the first girl he had met who was not into watching him perform this act. OH ALL THE GIRLS LOVE THAT ON THE FIRST DATE.
After he said that, I thought, maybe this is what people do now??!! NO…OK SOMETIMES IN THE AFTERNOON BEFORE MY NAP...
I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I watched the performance and would occasionally say words of support (I didn't know what the hell to do). I would say..."oh, nice move", "way to work it", "you sure know what you like". It is not that the man wanted, or needed, my help in any way, shape or form...he apparently just wanted an audience.
I remember when I got home and called my girlfriend. I said, you are not going to believe what people do now on dates. I recounted my story and she assured me that this was not normal and this dude was some sort of sexual deviant that I shouldn't waste my time on.
All I can say was what a way to re-enter the dating scene. THAT’S BECAUSE YOUR DATE WAS A FREAK-SHOW NOT TO MENTION…
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Awesome Short Short Slime
SHORTEST SLIME EVER
- ANON
For my birthday, he bought me a pack of cigarettes-the small pack.-and two of them were missing.
THE SLIME THAT CHEAP SMOKERS DO
Slime For a Monday
I'm actually starting to do some publicity today. The show is called Three Takes and of course will air in January a full 3 months after the book is released. I'm sure I'll still have some copies.
Anyway it'll be good practice to go on and try and pimp the book.
Here's another slice of Slime Pie for you.
Slime in Thunder Bay
-Anonymous
This happened a couple of years ago.
This was my first boyfriend, named John . He went to university up in Thunder Bay…
After about four years of not seeing him or hearing from him, he phones me up and says, “Hey ya wanna come up this weekend for a visit.” MAYBE HE DIDN’T KNOW THEY WEREN’T TOGETHER ANYMORE.
Me being young and stupid I thought I’d go up and rekindle some of the things that we had. So I fly up to Thunder Bay, on a very last minute flight and it’s a lot of money. So I get up there and it’s like Thursday, and he picks me up from the airport and I’m wearing this stunning outfit, you know…OF COURSE I DO.
I’m looking good. So he helps me into the car, and rushes me out to… He goes “Are you hungry?” And I said “yeah.” So we drive up to a drive-in window at McDonald’s and he whips out a free French fry ticket…JUST FRIES, NO LITTLE BURGERS OR NOTHING.
He was scrounging for pennies. He only took me there cause he had a free coupon.
Then he takes me back to his place and he says “Well I gotta go to school.” And then he leaves. He leaves me in his apartment with nothing to do and then he comes back about six hours later, and he’s starts watching a hockey game…THIS GUY MAY NOT BE SLIMEY JUST A TWIT.At some point in the evening he turns to me and says, “I think you should go home.” I’m like “Huh??”
He said, “I think you should go home”I ask him why? And he says it’s not working out.
MAYBE SHE WAS BUGGING HIM FOR MORE FRIES.
Well, I picked up my own food, I picked up my own car just to see the town, and so I ended up at this seedy hotel and I’m going oh my god I have to pay all this extra money for the flight home… So I get home and everything, and a year later he phones to say hey maybe I should come up to Thunder Bay….YEAH CAUSE LAST TIME WAS SO MUCH FUN…….
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Slime For a Monday
I'm actually starting to do some publicity today. The show is called Three Takes and of course will air in January a full 3 months after the book is released. I'm sure I'll still have some copies.
Anyway it'll be good practice to go on and try and pimp the book.
Here's another slice of Slime Pie for you.
Slime in Thunder Bay
-Anonymous
This happened a couple of years ago.
This was my first boyfriend, named John . He went to university up in Thunder Bay…
After about four years of not seeing him or hearing from him, he phones me up and says, “Hey ya wanna come up this weekend for a visit.” MAYBE HE DIDN’T KNOW THEY WEREN’T TOGETHER ANYMORE.
Me being young and stupid I thought I’d go up and rekindle some of the things that we had. So I fly up to Thunder Bay, on a very last minute flight and it’s a lot of money. So I get up there and it’s like Thursday, and he picks me up from the airport and I’m wearing this stunning outfit, you know…OF COURSE I DO.
I’m looking good. So he helps me into the car, and rushes me out to… He goes “Are you hungry?” And I said “yeah.” So we drive up to a drive-in window at McDonald’s and he whips out a free French fry ticket…JUST FRIES, NO LITTLE BURGERS OR NOTHING.
He was scrounging for pennies. He only took me there cause he had a free coupon.
Then he takes me back to his place and he says “Well I gotta go to school.” And then he leaves. He leaves me in his apartment with nothing to do and then he comes back about six hours later, and he’s starts watching a hockey game…THIS GUY MAY NOT BE SLIMEY JUST A TWIT.At some point in the evening he turns to me and says, “I think you should go home.” I’m like “Huh??”
He said, “I think you should go home”I ask him why? And he says it’s not working out.
MAYBE SHE WAS BUGGING HIM FOR MORE FRIES.
Well, I picked up my own food, I picked up my own car just to see the town, and so I ended up at this seedy hotel and I’m going oh my god I have to pay all this extra money for the flight home… So I get home and everything, and a year later he phones to say hey maybe I should come up to Thunder Bay….YEAH CAUSE LAST TIME WAS SO MUCH FUN…….
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Another Day Another Slime
If your' new check out all the Slime Samples and info below.
It's the weekend, I'm going to heat my java and watch the Americans lost the Ryder Cup but there's always time for.....
Worst Birthday EVER!!
-Anonymous
Ok, my husband of 11 years had planned a surprise birthday party at our cabin for the weekend.
Very happy, very blissful marriage.
A very happy birthday party and he invited all of our friends, he had flown them into this place. And we were all having a gay old time. MUCH LIKE THE FLINSTONES.
Me and a bunch of boring people. I thought it was a nice idea. I looked at my new watch he had just got me. This beautiful new longines with beautiful diamonds and gold.
SOUNDS LIKE A DECENT GUY, SURPRISE PARTY, BIG EXPENSIVE WATCH AND THEN…
Loser. So I miss him for about a half an hour. So I looked at my watch after about a half an hour and I missed him. Looked at my watch again and thought…this is really, really strange. I better go see if I can find him. So I looked around and I end up going into one of the rooms we use as a guest room. And I couldn’t open that door. Then I went to the other side and that door was still locked and I thought… There’s only one other way in there: Through the screen. So I put my through the screen, and lo and behold, what do I see when I look in there? My husband with my best girlfriend…NOT FOR LONG.
That’s not the half of it! Well, they were going at it. Anyhow, he looks up at me with those far away eyes and say…– “It’s not what you think Hon, it’s not what you think!”
I said what the heck is it then? RESEARCH MAYBE?
They just laid there. So I get very, very angry. And I took this gorgeous watch that this loser had brought me and I ran as fast as I could to the lake and I threw it in the lake. And all he could say was, “It’s not insured! It’s not insured!” Loser. Major loser.
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO
Slime and Slime Again
The Book is in final edit and I should have a copy in the next week.
Here's another sneek peek.
West Coast Slime.
- Twila Allen
I was living in Vancouver several years ago, and one night my
girlfriends and I were out on the town. We met a group of firemen at one
bar, and we ended up partying with them until closing time. We decided
to share a cab home and when we pulled up in front of my door, one
gentleman asked for my number, which I gave him.
He promptly disappeared off the face of the earth. Them's the breaks, I
figured.
About a month later, around 8pm, there's a knock on my door and sure
enough, there is Mr. Wonderful, fresh from a rugby game and covered head
to toe in mud. FIREMEN ARE BOLD.
He apologizes profusely and explains that his father had passed away, he
went overseas for her funeral and in the meantime he had lost my number.
He was in the neighborhood for a match, and decided to pop by and make
amends. REALLY.
Apology accepted, and we made plans to go out that weekend. Then he
says, "Do you mind if I use your bathroom before I go?" "Sure," I say.
About a minute later I hear MY SHOWER running!! But wait, it gets even
better:
I'm standing in my hallway, absolutely stunned, when out he strolls in a
towel, explaining that he pulled a thigh muscle and he could really use
a rubdown. FIREMEN CAN BE VERY BOLD.
I'm not kidding! I spent just a wee moment taking in the view
(OK, he was gorgeous) and then I told him to get dressed, get out and
not bother coming back.
I'm not sure which grossed me out more: his slimy behavior, or the
thought that this little gig must have WORKED with other women and he
thought it would work with me, too.
Needless to add, I took every cleaning product I had and scrubbed down
my bathroom!
THE SLIME THAT SOME FIREMEN DO
More from The Slime That Men Do
As I've written, this fall I'll be doing some publicity for the book and a big appearance at the Toronto Women's Show October 27th. Chick Show
Hope to see you there, they're even putting up this gorky publicity shot I had done recently, but I'm not in a place yet where I'm ready to share that here!
JUST GOT MARRIED… TO A SLIME.
- Tamara L’Ecuyer
I got married in September 1993. We didn't have any plans for a honeymoon but thought that it would fall into place just before the wedding. We were both young and naive...We took 1 week off of work and figured we'd either stay around town (we live 15 mins from Niagara Falls) or go somewhere not to far. Well it turns out that with a suggestion from my new husband, we ended up going to Edmonton, Alberta. WHO DOESN’T WANT TO HONEYMOON THERE, THEY HAVE A BIG MALL.
That is not the problem. The problem is that we drove through the US in a little GMC S10 pick up truck (for 2 days that is), No hotel or gas station wanted to take Canadian money at 11:00 at night, so we slept in the truck bed in a bank parking lot ( in Michigan) until it was opened at 9:00 am. OH THAT’S THE PROBLEM.
It turns out that if you don't have a bank account or know someone with one, they don't want to take Canadian money either, but after begging the teller for about 15 minutes I talked them into exchanging $60.00 just so that we could get gas because that is all we needed.
THIS SEEMS TO BE GOING VERY WELL.
After all of that we didn't stay in a hotel to have some "newlywed privacy", no we had to stay with one of my NEW husbands best friends who it turns out is living in a trailer that was converted from a bus .CLASSY.
...I guess I should have figured out that this was not a good start to the marriage because as you can guess, we are now divorced.....NO, SHOCKING. YOU MEAN THIS DIDN’T WORK OUT???
I hope you get a good laugh out of this, because I still laugh at it and so do my friends.
THE SLIME THAT NEWLWED MEN WHO HONEYMOON IN A TRAILOR/BUS IN EDMONTON DO
More from The Slime That Men Do
In cased you missed the pre-amble, check below. This fall I'll be doing some publicity for the book and a big appearance at the Toronto Women's Show October 27th. Chick Show
I'll be speaking and trying to sell some copies. I'm also going to be doing an guest spot on a womens talk show next Monday September 25th, but it's taped and uh won't be shown till the new year! I'll have the details for you soon. Just my luck though, great opportunity to kick off the book and no, it's going to on the air in 07...no sweat, I'm sure I'll have some copies left.
Here again some more SLIME.
LONG DISTANCE SLIME.
- NATALIE MITCHELL
I thought I would have nothing to contribute to this and now I have been crushed.
I studied abroad in Sweden just over two years ago for my final semester of university. While I was there I met a great group of French guys who I spent all my time with; one of which I was dating. It was the love at first sight type of thing, he came to me from across the room, we didn't speak the same language, but we fell head over heels for each other. THIS HAPPENS TO FRENCH GUYS ALL THE TIME. MERDE.
We were forced apart when our semester came to a close, but we refused to admit we were through. We said all of the typical things, made all the promises, and had lots of hope to see each other again. This type of communication continued to my surprise for just over 2 years. Always keeping him in the back of my mind, hoping there was a shot, knowing that if it weren't for proximity we would be together.
After much consideration I decided to fly to France to see if the sparks were still there. He was thrilled and invited me to his flat on the beach for a weekend, when I told him of my friends doubts he argued that what we shared was beautiful. SOUNDS OKAY RIGHT? MAIS NO. I was thrilled, after so long we were finally going to give it a shot
I flew to France 12 days ago. Not only did our love affair cease to exist... he blew me off entirely. I flew to France and he didn't even have the decency to show up. In fact, he didn't even call me until the end of the week. No apologies, just excuses, leaving me abroad, alone, heartbroken and in shock.
This is the slime that men do.
CEST TRISTE.
LE SLIME DAN LES HOMME!.
WORLD-WIDE EXCLUSIVE!! Sounds Impressive huh?
This will be the first excerpt of a book I’ve been working on for nearly a year. It was written with the help of my morning show listeners (remember when I used to have a morning show and listeners?) and will be published and sold starting in October with part of the proceeds going to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation.
Hundreds of listeners sent their tales of bad dates, awful boyfriends, husbands who cheated and just slimy guy’s in general.
To them I say thank you very much, your contributions will finally be read by others so that maybe they can avoid the same slime!
I also know many of the women that contributed had a personal experience of breast cancer and sent their stories in because of that, and for those in particular I’m very grateful
One of the many reason I wanted to have this site is to gather material for the next book…so if you feel so inclined click on “Comment” and leave your slimy tale. When the Slime link at the top of the page is active I’ll let you know. Even if you’re a guy whose been slimed by a women-yes I’ve heard it happens-leave your story…that’ll be the third book which I’m happy to start compiling right now. After all I have some time on my hands.
SLIME IN THE WORKPLACE
-Christine Burton
I used to moonlight cleaning houses and started cleaning for one of the guys
at work. He's a divorced, part time father of two and in a Management
Position. Anyway, shortly after I began cleaning his house (late 2000) we
started getting close and sexually involved. NOTHING TURNS MEN ON MORE THAN A CLEAN HOUSE.
The relationship continued until the dreaded "L" word slipped from my mouth
That lead to numerous discussions and ultimately resulted in his attempts to put distance between us. NOTHING TURNS SOME MEN OFF MORE THAN THE DREADED “L” WORD, OF COURSE THERE ARE SOME “L” WORDS THAT MEN LIKE, I THINK YOU KNOW THE ONE.
The reasons he gave were (remember these later on)...1. He didn't like the
work/personal scenario 2. He wanted to step out of his comfort zone and 3.
He felt that what he was doing was morally wrong (we weren't on the same
relationship page). At this point I gave him his key back.
Loser Boy, as I affectionately call him, left me a voice mail saying that he
didn't necessarily want the house cleaning to stop and that we should chat.
DUH!! WOW…YEAH LET’S BREAK UP BUT WOULD YOU MIND STILL CLEANING UP FROM TIME TO TIME..WHAT AN ARSE.
Now, another 2 1/2 years later, after many false endings it appears to
finally be over. All this time he assumed that we'd remain friends...and if
this story had a normal ending possibly we could have stayed friendly. We
rarely speak...most days I don't even acknowledge his existence. The
Emotional stress has been extremely intense and at times it was difficult to
drag myself to work. Still, this is not unusual...
This is where the slime comes in WAIT, NOW IT GETS SLIMEY?..
Not only do I get to see this slime everyday, I also get to see his new victim...she works here too!! (Remember
his #1 reason). I'm pretty sure he was playing both of us at the same time.
She is well aware of the "history" we have.
Well!!! Doesn't he start up with the sexual innuendos on email last week
We had a brief chat and I had to endure his pouty faces at my
rejection to his "suggestion" for a get together.
Doesn't he realize I could ruin his career &
possibly his current relationship???...but that's not my style. HE’S LUCKY SHE’S SO NICE…TO BAD ABOUT...
THE SLIME THAT MEN DO!
Thanks for the opportunity to tell my story...I feel better now!
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